“Another day, another dolla”, like the hoomans always say. Scarlet, Carrot, and Soda woke up surrounded by their own filth. Bad poopies, bad peepees, scaredy poopies, you name it. The hoomans came to work at the fluffymart bright and early, restocking the shelves, mopping the floor, boring hooman work. When they walked near Carrot’s cage they were hit with the overwhelming stench of sewage, skunk spray, and cat piss.
“OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! WHO DID THIS???”, a hooman screamed, trying not to throw up.
Carrot, exhausted and covered in poopies, weakly said his piece.
“Hooman pwease… hewp Cawwot… and mummah… and Soda… Cawwot dwink bad miwkies… Hab the wowstest poopie pwace… Huu-huu-(cheep cheep)-Safe woom nu smeww pwetty… Nu get any sweepies… Cawwot am suuuuuu tiwed…”
“…You WHAT?!”, the meanie hooman screamed, he picked Carrot and Soda up by their tails.
“SCREEEEE!!! BAD UPSIES!!! CAWWOT WAN DOWN!!! WAN DOWN!!! CAWWOT SOWWY FOW MAKIN BAD POOPIES!!!”
Soda screamed and cheeped and peeped at the top of his lungs.
“SCREEEEEEEEEE!!! GIB BABBEHS BACK!!! SCAWWET WAN BABBEHS BACK!!! SCAWWET SOWWY!!! BABBEHS SOWWY!!! DEY NU MEAN TO MAKE BAD POOPIES!!! HUU-HUU-HUU-HUU!!!”
The meanie hoomans threw the foals into the sorry box.
“BAD FWY BAD FWY!!! thud …Sowwy box? Dat’s it? Hmph! Cawwot nu wan dummeh sowwy box!”
“Ohhhh. Dummy sorry box huh Carrot? I’ll show you some mercy, let’s clean you and your brother’s smelly asses”, the meanie hooman snapped, as he carried both the foals to the hooman-wawa-maker.
Cold fast wawas came from the hooman-wawa-maker, Carrot and Soda both got drenched in an instant, almost waterboarding them.
“(GLUG GLUG GLUG!!!) WAWA BAD FOR FWUFFY!!! WAWA AM SOOOOOO COLDIES!!! (GARGLE KOFF KOFF!!!) NU CAN BWEAFE!!!”, the orange foal screamed and struggled to run out the sink to no avail.
Soda gargled, cried and screamed and huu-huu-huu’d for his mummah, like all forever chirpies do.
“Hey, don’t pass out yet, you need soapies to make you smell pretty!”, meanie hooman said menacingly.
“Huh? Weawwy? Smeww pwetty? Cawwot wan smeww pwetty aftew icky poopies!”
The meanie hooman dumped a bottle of dish soap right into Carrot’s eyes.
“SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! BIGGEST WOWSTEST PEEPSIE BUWNIE HUWTIES!!! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! NUUUUUUU PWEEEEEEEAAAAAASE!!! WHY SOAPIES GIVE CAWWOT HUWTIES!!!” His screams were quickly muffled by a toothbrush.
“Make sure to wash that smarty’s dirty mouth! His teeth are stained and his breath stinks like skunk!”
Carrot felt the toothbrush aggressively scrape his teeth and cut his gums.
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! NUMMIE-PWACE HUWTIEEEEEEESSSSSS!!! NU WIKE NUMMIE-PWACE BOOBOO JUICE!!! NU TASTE PWETTY!!!”
20 agonizing minutes later, it was all over.
“(pant) (pant) Nu mowe… gib Cawwot owwies… Babbehs am fow huggies… and wub…”
“All done! What do you think? Your fluff is so shiny now, you’re so pretty!”, the meanie hooman said, pretending to be friendly.
Carrot couldn’t take it anymore, his biggest saddies turned into biggest madsies!
“NU WIKE BEIN’ PWETTY!!! HATCHU MUNSTAH HOOMAN!!!”
Tough luck, Carrot…