Note: read “Arguing With Myself” first.
On a sunny afternoon, outside Dr. Pierre Faucheuse’s School for Gifted Individual, Calvin walks through the grounds with Marley… and Umbra.
The latter is wearing a harness, which has a leash attached, and Calvin is firmly holding the other end.
Needless to say, Umbra isn’t happy about any part of that sentence.
It’s a chain leash, which is unusual to use on a fluffy, but Umbra is an unusual fluffy in many ways. The chain links are made of adamantium, which is even more unusual.
The harness itself is made of Arachnoid silk, one of the most durable fabrics in the universe.
Deston recommends attaching a fluffy leash to a harness instead of a collar, because a collar on a leash can be a bit of a choking hazard.
And Umbra is still wearing his gold bracelet, which prevents him from using the magical powers Deston bestowed upon him.
Those powers are one of the things that make him so unusual.
Nonetheless, this walk won’t be taking the trio out of the grounds. They’ll be staying within the boundary of the School’s many wards.
The ChaotiX wants to be absolutely certain that Umbra won’t give them the slip during these walks.
They still don’t trust him, which is entirely justified, but it would be unnecessarily cruel to not let him get any fresh air, sunlight or exercise during his indefinite confinement.
And unnecessary cruelty is Umbra’s thing, not the ChaotiX’s thing.
Sure, if it was the other way around-- if it was Umbra holding the ChaotiX prisoner-- he wouldn’t let them stretch their legs like this.
But that’s the difference between them and him.
Umbra waddles along in front of Calvin, as far away from him as the leash will allow. It’s not a very long leash.
When he speaks up, his deep, raspy voice sounds incredibly bored.
“You know, these grounds are starting to feel a bit small.”
Marley’s happily waddling next to Umbra, being completely unbound by any kind of leash, and knowing that Umbra can’t make him keep his distance.
“Wut am yu tawkin abowt? Dis pwace am pwetty big.”
“But I barely get to see any of it! Haven’t you noticed that we take the exact same route every time, Marley?”
Calvin gives Umbra one of his trademark audacious smirks.
“Oh, that’s entirely intentional. We mapped out the safest possible route through the grounds, so you don’t go anywhere you could possibly do some damage.”
“…Fair enough. Still, I’ve seen everything there is to see on this route. Couldn’t you at least map out a few different routes for variety’s sake?”
“Look, if you want freedom of movement, you know what you’ve gotta do to get it. I’m sick of having to reiterate the same points over and over again, Umby. We’re not keeping you here for shits and giggles.”
“Dat am jus a boh-nus.”
Calvin tugs on the leash, yanking Umbra backwards, just to make a point.
The so-called Supergenius Fluffy yelps, and after he recovers, he stares daggers at his captor.
“That wasn’t funny.”
Marley giggles.
“Wuz kinna funee.”
Umbra stares daggers at Marley next, not wanting him to feel left out, and having plenty of scorn for him, too.
“You stay out of this!”
“Enough, Umby. Don’t make me put you in time out.”
“Oh, so I’m not in time out now?”
“Hey, it could be worse. We could be going full Gitmo on you.”
The trio moves on, and as Umbra goes back to keeping his distance, Calvin sighs wearily.
“Frankly, if it wasn’t for the fact that death would only be a setback to you, we would have killed you again in Drakonia. You should be grateful that we let you live this time, Umby. How many times do I gotta tell you that? You know, everyone thinks that what I’m doing with you is insane. They think it’s a big mistake. They think trying to redeem you is an exercise in futility. If they turn out to be right, you’re going to regret it.”
Umbra scoffs as the trio passes the training facility, waving at Dwayne and Sasha, the muscular duo heading inside for a sparring session.
“Letting me live isn’t the only mistake you made that day. You just let Dehak go. Clockson didn’t even bother rewinding time and warning you! And now you don’t know where Dehak is. Mark my words, Korkea: you’re going to regret those mistakes.”
“Have you started regretting yours yet?”
“Yu haf made a wotta dem.”
Umbra doesn’t really have a retort for that at the moment, and scowls, waddling in silent fury.
They’ll be doing one lap around the training facility before making their way back to the School’s main building.
Remember, the School initially started off with a singular training room in the main building, and still has that room.
It just doesn’t see a lot of use these days. It’s mostly used for initiating new members.
Which now involves having the newbie touch an ingot of chivalrium, the magical metal which burns the wicked.
It’s a good litmus test, and an excellent way of sniffing out an infiltrator.
As the ChaotiX grew larger and larger, Calvin eventually made the decision to build a facility designed from the ground up to accommodate the team’s training needs, and it’s had numerous expansions and upgrades.
It’s one of the most advanced training facilities on Earth now, with adjustable gravity, time dilation, and all kinds of other technology that has only started being made available to the public relatively recently.
That kind of tech can be extremely dangerous in the wrong hands.
The ChaotiX don’t want to be as useless as Reed Richards, but they know what happens when fools play silly buggers with time and space.
Marley looks up at the sky as the group keeps walking.
“Yu nu shud cawm-pwaim, Umbwa. It am a nice bwite time, an yu am gittin sum fwesh aiw.”
Calvin nods in agreement.
“If you don’t want to go on any walks in the future, just say so. I mean, if it were me stuck in a cell, I’d appreciate a chance to stretch my legs and get some sun, but you and I are not the same, are we? So, if you’d rather be stuck in your cell around the clock, we can accommodate your desire.”
Umbra remains silent, still trying to think of a retort.
The truth he refuses to admit is that he does appreciate these walks, if only because they grant him a brief reprieve from his cell.
His conversations with a Klaus who may or may not be a hallucination only seem to take place when he’s in his cell.
As long as he’s outside, he’s relatively certain that he’s safe from the possibly hallucinatory Number Two.
And at the moment, these walks are the closest thing to freedom he can get.
His belief that Dehak will come to save him from his indefinite confinement is starting to waver. He’s not even entirely sure if Dehak has made it to Earth, let alone the city.
Even if Dehak is on Earth (which he is, mind you, and while the ChaotiX has assumed that he’s on Earth, they’re not telling their “guest” that), Umbra has begun to worry that Dehak wouldn’t bother to save him. After all, Umbra and Dehak are two evil peas in a villainous pod. They’re both cut from the same sinister cloth.
And Umbra knows himself well. He’s had little better to do than reflect since he was taken into the ChaotiX’s custody, and he’s not exactly feeling remorseful, but he’s begun to understand why he’s in this mess.
Again, if it was the other way around-- if Dehak was imprisoned and Umbra was free-- Umbra isn’t sure that he’d bother to liberate his comrade.
It’s not that Umbra doesn’t like Dehak. In fact, Dehak might be the first person who Umbra genuinely sees as a friend.
Perhaps, even a kindred spirit.
But he’s all too aware that when people like them join forces, it usually ends in mutual betrayal, and Umbra doesn’t think they could help themselves.
They got along so well because they have a lot in common.
Too much in common.
Throughout Umbra’s entire tenure as Dehak’s Royal Mage, he was fighting the urge to stab Dehak in the back. What kept him from actually doing so was the knowledge that it would only help the ChaotiX, and Umbra loathes the idea of helping them.
But that is why Dehak and Umbra were always planning to part ways, once they’d helped each other achieve their goals.
Now, Umbra feels like he’s never been further away from his goals. He’s been racking his brain, trying to think of some way to escape the School, on his terms.
However, Pierre himself contributed to the design of Umbra’s containment measures, and Pierre is just as smart as Umbra, and far more wise, and more experienced.
Pierre’s got way more common sense than Umbra, too.
So everything Umbra can try has been anticipated, and countered.
He tried feigning illness, but Calvin simply scanned him with MIKA, confirming that Umbra was just faking it like a kid trying to get out of going to school.
So Umbra made himself throw up by thinking about hugging Calvin for no good reason.
Then he tried pretending to be dead, but Calvin can sense life energy, and Umbra couldn’t hide that.
Umbra quickly “came back to life” when Calvin started loudly talking about cremation.
And even if Umbra could reach the air vent, it isn’t wide enough for a fluffy to crawl through.
You can forget about Bruce Willis fitting in there, too.
As Umbra got more and more desperate to escape, he devised a way to turn some parts from his fluffy-safe TV remote, the Überfluff kibble he’s being fed and his own bodily waste into a potent explosive, but reasoned that, if he tried that and failed, the ChaotiX would probably pillow him, and hook him up to a feeding tube and catheter.
They barely trust him with legs as it is.
And they wouldn’t let him watch TV anymore, either.
Not that he’s got much televised entertainment to choose from. Umbra still only has TFN to watch, as he has not earned enough Good Fluffy Points to watch anything else, and he’s seen every episode of Captain Fluffy To The Rescue! at least three times by now.
He was deeply offended by his portrayal on The Adventures of Omega Man, but isn’t really in a position to sue for defamation.
The point is that Calvin, being an avid comic book aficionado, is very much aware of how challenging it can be to contain a supervillain. He too contributed to Umbra’s containment measures.
Pierre had Umbra’s cell ready for a rather long time. Since before the Demonic Invasion, actually. Pierre, Deston and Victor intended for Calvin to bring Umbra in alive that day, but as you’ve probably seen, Calvin misunderstood something, and jumped off the roof of Faucheuse Tower with the bastard instead.
Of course, Umbra is a supervillain who happens to be a fluffy.
That makes it so much easier to contain him.
As the trio leaves the training facility behind, they pass a tree.
“Howd awn, daddeh. Mawwey gutta make peepees.”
“Oh, sure. We’ll wait for you.”
Marley zips over to the tree, lifting his leg like a dog.
Fluffies don’t usually pee like that, but Marley thinks it’s funny.
While the Omega fluffy drains the snake, Calvin grins at Umbra.
“You need a bathroom break too, Umby?”
Umbra shrugs.
“Well, yes, to be honest for once, but I’ve never really been one for public urination. I can hold it in until I’m back in my cell.”
Marley grins too, still “draining some charges” from his “magic wand”.
“Yu nu can gu if pee-puw am wotch-in, huh?”
Umbra lowers his head so the Omegas can’t see him blushing.
“See, Marley, that’s what puts me above the common fluffy: class. Most fluffies will relieve themselves wherever they please if the humans don’t make them use a litterbox. Only an uneducated, boorish slob would shamelessly empty their bowels in public. I must admit that’s one thing humans do better. They have the decency to take care of those disgusting bodily needs in private, so no one has to watch them.”
“Nu awwa dem.”
Calvin laughs.
“Yeah, I once caught Scotty pissing on a church wall. And now he’s a nephilim.”
He’s deliberately not mentioning that Scott may not be a nephilim for much longer.
Not because of the church wall thing.
Umbra scoffs again.
“I still don’t understand why those feathery fools Up There made your brother a nephilim, Korkea. To my knowledge, he never really did anything to deserve it before he died.”
“That’s because you missed a lot after you died, Umby.”
“Hmm, yes, and who’s to blame for that?”
Marley finishes his bathroom break, and waddles over to Umbra.
“Yu. Umbwa nu wudda gon foweba sweepies fwee times if Umbwa wuz a widdew bitsie nice-uw.”
The group moves on again, heading back to the main building, and Umbra glares at Marley.
“Oh, sure, blame the victim.”
Calvin laughs even harder, deeply amused by Umbra’s audacity.
“You’re not a victim, Umby. Maybe you were a victim at some point. When the Docs tried to euthanize you–”
“You mean when they tried to incinerate me. Don’t sugarcoat it, Korkea. I was there.”
“Regardless, you hadn’t actually done anything wrong at that point, but Doc looked at you and saw another Bertie in the making.”
Marley giggles again, being most amused.
“Wike if Bewtie wuz a fwuffy. Umbwa did take a wook in a miwwow wen Umbwa had dat hoomin fowm, wite?”
Umbra nods in begrudging agreement.
“Yes, I too noticed the resemblance.”
“Anyway, Umbra, it could be said that you were a victim then. But everything you did since then kinda invalidated your victim card.”
Then Marley looks curiously at Umbra.
“Mawwey haf bin meen-in tu awsk Umbwa sumfin.”
“Fire away, I suppose. I can’t promise that I’ll give you an answer, but you’re free to ask questions.”
“Otay den. Am Umbwa voys su wasp-ee cuz of da inn-sin-ew-way-tow?”
Umbra answers the question with a nonchalant tone.
“Possibly. I did inhale a lot of smoke that day. Or perhaps I used magic to alter my voice. I’m certainly not telling. I did warn you.”
Calvin smirks again.
“Y’know, I could just beat you with a sorry stick until you revert to huggies an wub mode again. I’ve still got that silver sorry stick, and you may not be a demon anymore, but…”
“A sowwy stick am a sowwy stick.”
Umbra sneers, narrowing his pure red eyes.
“Didn’t you mention that those blasted things are banned around here? That’s a bit hypocritical of you, Korkea.”
Calvin laughs raucously, gesturing at Umbra with his free hand.
“Hey, I’m not one for fluffy abuse, I never have been, but if there was ever a fluffy who had it coming, it’s you. Most fluffies don’t do anything worse than shitting on something expensive. You tried to burn the world several times. Seriously, it’s not much fun having to reiterate the same points ad infinitum.”
Umbra chuckles sardonically.
“Been brushing up on your Latin, have you? Risus abundat in ore stultorum.”
Calvin smirks a third time, and imagine how rich he’d be if he was paid for every smirk.
“Laughter is abundant in the mouth of fools. Ut ameris, amabilis esto.”
Upon translating that, Umbra sighs just as wearily as Calvin earlier.
“If you want to be loved, be lovable. Very funny, Korkea. Well played.”
“Mawwey am jus gunna say dat Mawwey had nu ai-dee-yuh wut da fuk yu too wuz sayin.”
When he hears that, Umbra finds a cocky grin forming on his face, and can’t stop himself from going from a waddle to a proud, arrogant trot.
“Well, duh. See, that’s another thing I’ve got over most of our kind: most fluffies have enough trouble with English. I, on the other hand, was fluent in at least a dozen languages by my first birthday.”
“Yu meen awn da udda hoofsie.”
“Don’t remind me that I’m still stuck with these wretched marshmallow hooves. So what prompted you to start learning Latin, Korkea?”
Calvin makes a dismissive motion with his free hand. He hasn’t taken his other hand off the leash, and has secretly been using Reilly’s wall-crawling power to make it stick to his hand.
“There’s been a lot of it in our last few adventures. And a Ring of Allspeak only translates spoken languages.”
“I miss being able to wear magic rings. U-1999 really should have had Fate supply him with a few of those.”
“Tuu wate fow dat nao, Umbwa.”
Having reached the main building, the trio approaches the steps leading up to the School’s front doors. There’s a ramp for fluffies, seeing as stairs tend to be one of the average fluffy’s greatest foes.
And yes, many fluffies in the ChaotiX have powers, but not all of them have powers that make traversing a staircase any easier.
Case in point: Shazi, whose only power is that she can emit any scent she’s smelled before.
Which does have its uses, but again, it’s not much use for climbing stairs.
The gates leading out of the grounds, into the city beyond, are currently locked shut. Which is always the case during Umbra’s walks.
Once again, Gyll and Dorz are reclining in the fountain, the statue of Pierre polished to perfection. The statue and the fountain it stands atop are made of white marble, but the hands of the marble Pierre are coated with silver.
And this won’t become apparent until sundown, but the statue’s eyes glow blue at night.
The statue is holding up a finger, a stream of crystal clear water arcing out of it, gently trickling into the fountain, the water in the fountain just as clear.
It’s nice looking water. Maybe even amazing looking water.
To Hydroxians such as Gyll and Dorz, water purity is one of the most important matters there is.
Victor suggested a much more vulgar statue of himself, with a stream coming out of a different body part, but Calvin firmly vetoed it.
Hopefully, which body part shouldn’t have to be specified.
Calvin’s seen the garden gnomes in his grandmother June’s garden. At a first glance, one of them appeared to be fishing in the pond, but when Calvin took a closer look, he realized that it isn’t a fishing rod the gnome is holding.
He knows his grandmother well, so he’s just thankful that the gnome is only widdling in the pond.
As the trio passes the fountain, Calvin and Marley waving at the Hydroxian brothers, Umbra looks up at the statue, his face expressing the complex blend of emotions he feels towards its inspiration.
None of them are positive emotions.
“I’ve got to be honest again, Korkea: I’m surprised that isn’t a statue of you.”
“Hey, it’s Dr. Pierre Faucheuse’s School for Gifted Individuals. He’s the founder, I’m just the current… headmaster? Principal? Dean? Something like that.”
Marley shrugs.
“An daddeh awweady gut stat-choos.”
“If you earn your way out of here, Umby, you can see the one outside City Hall.”
“But nu wite nao.”
“It’s having some… work done. And they wanna get it finished by Calvin Korkea Day.”
Umbra peers up at Calvin, slightly perplexed.
“Calvin Korkea Day? Oh, I can guess what day that is.”
“The day we met, Umby! The day shit got really weird. Oh yeah, and the day the Docs tried to put you down.”
As Umbra gasps in shock, Calvin continues, unable to hide his amusement.
“Yeah, I know why you chose that day to launch your attack, so stop gasping. Now, let’s get you back inside.”
Calvin strides up the steps, Marley and Umbra following him via the ramp.
And as they approach the doors, the doors swing open by themselves, the trio entering the lobby and heading down to the cells.
“I’m gonna send Al to chat with you some time, Umby. I think you could really benefit from that.”
“Al? You mean Projekt Caldroid, don’t you?”
“Don’t let him catch you calling him that. He hates it when people deadname him. Especially because Hans kept doing it out of spite.”
Umbra smiles smugly.
“I’ll tell you a little secret, Korkea: I was the one who gave Hans the idea for Projekt Caldroid. Yes, even that wasn’t his idea. The only real contribution he made was deciding to put those Drives of his in there.”
Calvin gives Umbra one more smirk.
“Oh, I already suspected that.”
Not wanting to feel left out, Marley does the same.
“Umbwa haf awways bin jewwy of daddeh.”
“And I’m guessing Hans invented that flying skull thing you and Dehak were using in Drakonia, too. He made something like that for himself on Devil Island.”
“…What the hell is Devil Island?”
“Maybe we’ll tell you some day, Umby.”
“We cud haf a nice, wong stowy time, jus da fwee of us…”
Umbra shudders at the thought.
“Never mind, I don’t want to know that much.”
Yes, Marley could have just turned human so he could take the steps too, but just because he has powers, it doesn’t mean he has to use them for every little thing.
A lesson that Umbra definitely needs to learn, Marley thinks.
Marley may not be as smart as Umbra, or Blueberry, or Nikola and Audrey, but he’s still smarter than the average fluffy, even if Umbra insists otherwise.
But, much like Pierre, Marley has far more common sense than Umbra.
And like Calvin, Marley wants to make a point.
Umbra has possessed the same power that Calvin and Marley wield on no less than three separate occasions. Ever since Umbra first learned of that power, he’s coveted it. He longed to wield that power for himself, for his own nefarious ends.
You’re probably wondering how Umbra learned about Omega Classes.
Well, he used to have Hans on his payroll, and Hans just happened to have not one, but two unruly Omega Classes in his back pocket, one of whom was the first Omega Class. They were named after him.
Hans also coveted that power, it’s not like Umbra has a monopoly on that. They got along surprisingly well during Hans’ time working for the Order of Darkness.
They shared the opinion that humans are absolutely disgusting.
Of course, Hans was cut from the same sinister cloth as Umbra and Dehak. The maniacal ex-Nazi scientist had his own agenda, and there would have been an inevitable conflict of interest. Hans wasn’t planning to spend the rest of his life taking orders from Umbra.
He held the opinion that fluffies are absolutely disgusting too, and fled to the Stahl Zone the moment Umbra went splat in the Plaza, taking all of the wards that were keeping the Temple of Darkness safe and hidden with him.
And it’s not like Hans didn’t have a presence on Earth while he was in hiding. Far from it. Until the demonic Chris and James ate his soul, Hans was coordinating all of his neural backups from the safety of the Stahl Zone, via the Stahlnet.
All except one, that is, and Hans had never forgotten where he hid his first backup, which had never been connected to the Stahlnet.
You could say that Hans’ ultimate goal was to become a sentient computer virus. To achieve virtual immortality.
That’s another thing Umbra, Hans and Dehak all share.
They’re very persistent, and don’t know when to stay buried.
Really, so many of the villains the ChaotiX has faced were cut from that cloth, it’s a wonder there’s any of it left.
But evil is hardly a finite resource.
So perhaps Calvin’s ongoing attempts to redeem his former nemesis will, eventually, bear fruit, and Umbra might yet earn his freedom, as a certain sweater-clad gentleman from Detroit did before him.
Or perhaps they won’t, and Umbra will be trapped beneath the School for the rest of his fourth life.
Possibly even beyond that. The ChaotiX knows where Umbra will go if he dies again, and they’re trying to find some way, any way to prevent the Devourer from reclaiming Umbra’s soul.
Otherwise, it’s only a matter of time before Umbra comes back for Round Five.
It’s all up to Umbra, in truth. Calvin can open the door, but he can’t make Umbra walk through it. Redemption is one of those things that cannot be forced upon someone.
And the biggest truth of all, the one that Umbra is determined not to acknowledge, is that it’s not the gold bracelet, or the Arachnoid silk harness, or the adamantium leash, or the myriad of wards, or the tailor-made cell with an anti-magic field and a teleportation whitelist keeping Umbra trapped here.
What’s keeping Umbra trapped here is Umbra.
Calvin is absolutely right about one thing.
He’s not Umbra’s worst enemy. Neither is Pierre, nor Deston, nor Klaus, nor Reggae, nor any of the people who have suffered and/or died at Umbra’s… hooves.
Umbra is his own worst enemy.
And you know…
That’s been the case for a lot of fluffies.