What it says on the tin. If you had a fluffy IRL, what would you do, and how would you treat it?
If my cat tolerated the thing, I’d spoil it as much as my kitty, complete with walks (alongside the cat–she’s really good in her harness), occasional sketti, and ridiculous numbers of photos. As much as I love writing abuse and villainy, I can’t do it in meatspace unless someone is a yeast infection to me.
All this niceness and decency is out the window with an abusive smarty, mind. At that point, re-education could turn into something from a John Carpenter film.
As a self-proclaimed hipster who has intentionally avoided things because they’re too popular (goddamn I am insufferable at times). I would avoid Fluffies as much as I could.
Like I won’t go out of my way to hurt them, but I wouldn’t feel bad if I ran one over with my car.
That depends on how common they are and how we humans interact with them.
Are fluffies valued pets? I would keep it and possibly breed new ones.
Are fluffies hated pests? I might keep it as a pet but I would neuter/spay it.
Are fluffies tasty meat? See “valued pets” but it would be a roast after about three months.
Let’s say the PETA/Hasbio situation is real. And despite being vegetarian, I might try a bite of well-roasted fluffy. They’re not REALLY animals, after all.
As above, depends on the circumstances. I definitely wouldn’t want to permanently live with one as having a talking animal which requires constant care is far too close to having a child for my comfort and I really don’t like kids, but I could see myself volunteering at a shelter occasionally or at least looking up cute pics. I would totally dropkick a smarty, but the idea of abusebox applying to real life with nice fluffies is not something I want to ponder. (I think I’d actually have more respect for child abusers than for fluffy abusers if they were real - kids can at least hypothetically run away successfully. Fluffies don’t even take that much effort, so how much ego boost does having power over them even give?)
treat it as about the same as my other two dogs, except that it can talk and can communicate to a degree never seen before in non-humans. not even apes with the ability for sign language are able to grasp the vast array of concepts fluffies can after all, limited in articulation they may be.
i’d probably be more likely to ramble about the philosiphy of God, life, humanity, and what sort of statement the creation of fluffies must mean of humanity. a messy, imperfect crystalization of man’s capitalism, optimism, and confidence, only to wear and tarnish it away with the sheer pessimistic degeneracy of what they become. a creature not to replace man, but to act as its fad plaything. we could be curing cancer and achieving functional immortality, but this is what we choose to strive for instead.
… though all of that includes smacking its butt until it learns not to shit on the floor, of course.
See how long I could sit on my hands in creating a nice ideal life to destroy since I know the fluffy will “appreciate it” in ways no other thing could.
That is assuming they are ubiquitous “walk down an alley and get HEWWO’d” pest. If they were rare I could probably learn to overlook their bullshit enough to breed and sell some, possibly mutilate others to refine them for breeding.
I’d probably be sort of halfway house
Keep a rack of cheap af chef boyardee spaghetti cans and if a fluffy asks to come in they get one or two days. They shit on my rugs they leave with a sore ass. Once they’re warm clean dry and fed it’s back to the streets.
Meanest thing I’d be likely to do is if a feral stops me and asks for food I give it an unopened can of sketti knowing damn well it’s gonna need to find another nice human to get the contents. Would only kick them away if they’re annoying in their pursuit.
In my headcanon they taste like beef or horse, although slightly sweet if treated humanely. If they’re skinned alive, etc, and die soon after, the sugars burn out and the lactic acid makes the meat more acidic and savory. But as with anything in fluffy fiction, headcanon does a lot of heavy lifting.
It would be nice if I could trust myself to do my utmost to fight for the rights & dignity of a fellow child of Christ, to the point of martyrdom as needed.
But realistically, I would merely try to return it while murmuring something along the lines of it not really being my cup of tea.
Now I’m picturing religious fluffies. Including nuns and monks, and all sorts of religions. That actually fits alongside my synagogue fluffy OC’s. (The rabbi’s kid found them.)
Ooh. Actually, fluffies would make excellent lab animals. They can speak, they contain some human DNA, and they’re as plentiful as can be. Much like mice and rats, they can be bred for various traits important to specific lines of research, too!