You puffed your cheeks at the woman opening the box you were trapped in. “‘Bout tiem yu wet smawty owt!”
“Yeesh. Yeah, alright, they weren’t kidding about you. Decent discount though.” The woman dumped you roughly out of the box and you landed in an indignant pile on the floor.
“Owwies! Meanie!” You protested, rubbing your hooves over your bruised nose.
“I don’t care. Listen, we got you for a specific job and you’re going to do it.”
“Smawty du wha’ wan’!” You replied, striking a dramatic pose. You were sure she would see how bright and perfect your red fluff was, how your yellow mane cascaded over your shoulders and know that you were the bestest fluffy ever.
She bent down, hands on her hips. “You will not do whatever you want. You have a job.”
“Nu wan’ job! Wan’-”
“I DON’T GIVE TWO FUCKS WHAT YOU WANT, SHITRAT!” The force of her yell nearly knocked you off her hooves. “YOU ARE A WORTHLESS CREATURE, AND YOU’RE EITHER GOING TO DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO OR I’LL SHAVE THAT HORRIBLE EXCUSE FOR FUR OFF YOU AND MAKE YOU RUN LAPS IN THE SNOW. YOU WANT THAT??” She chopped her hand towards you for emphasis.
“N-nu! Nu wan’!” You cowered on the floor in a puddle of terrified piss.
“That’s better.” Her normal voice returned as she stood back up. “Now, we have a problem with outside fluffies coming in and trying to claim this for themselves. The people who live here don’t particularly handle it well, so we need someone to handle them before the residents do.”
“Wha’?”
She sighed heavily. “Stupid creature.” Crouching down in front of you. “Smarties show up, they say this is their land. I’m going to train you to get rid of them. That simple enough for you?”
“Su… Wan’ Smawty-”
“You aren’t a Smarty yet.”
What? You tilted your head in confusion. You were a smarty, you were the smartest fluffy you knew! You demanded better than anyone and your cheeks puffed out the biggest! “Buh-”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, RECRUIT!” She bellowed again. “YOU WANT THAT RANK, YOU’LL FUCKING EARN IT! NOW GET TO THOSE USELESS FUCKING HOOVES SO WE CAN MAKE SOMETHING USEFUL OF YOU!!”
You scrambled to your hooves, terrified and confused. You had no idea what was going on, but you followed her as best you could as she started jogging over to a strange structure. It was triangle shaped and very steep, with something rough covering the sides.
“Start at this end, run up and over the top and come back to me as fast as you can.”
“Wai?”
“DID I FUCKING ASK FOR YOUR IMPUT, SHITRAT? DID I SAY “I’D LIKE YOUR STUPID ASS QUESTIONS, FLUFFY”? NO, I FUCKING DID NOT! RUN!!”
You scrambled over to the structure. The rough edges gave your hooves a little purchase on it, but tore into them when you slipped. A few steps in, you looked over to her.
“FUCKING GO! I DIDN’T SAY TAKE TWO STEPS AND THEN TAKE A BREAK, I SAID FUCKING RUN!”
You climbed up the structure as fast as you could, muscles aching with every step. At the very top you looked down the far side and your vision swam. This was higher than you had ever been before. You heard the woman take a deep inhale and started making your way down, terrified of what she would bellow next. Going down was even worse than going up, your hooves grinding painfully as you slid down the rough surface. You tripped near the end, tumbling down the last foot and landing in a pile on the floor. Gathering yourself up, you limped back to the woman, panting.
“Eight minutes. Decent baseline, but you can do better.”
“Wha’?”
“Do it again. We’ll keep doing this until you can do it in two minutes.”
“Buh… buh hoofsies hab huwties an-”
“DO I LOOK LIKE I FUCKING CARE! RUN! I WANT TO GET HOME BEFORE MIDNIGHT SO YOU’D BETTER FUCKING HURRY! YOU FEEL FUCKING LUCKY ITS SO GODDAMN COLD OUT THERE OR I’D HAVE YOU RUNNING LAPS AROUND THE YARD FOR DARING TO TALK BACK TO ME!”
You turned and ran back to the structure, ignoring the ache in your hooves and chest.
“Smawty fin’ nyu wand fow hewd!” a shrill voice called as a blue mass wriggled under the fence. You could hear the voices of many other fluffies chattering behind him and sighed.
“Wed be backsies, siw. Nee’ deaw wif’ pwobwem.” You said, hopping off the lawn chair.
“Give ‘em hell, Smarty Red!” The old man you were chatting with said.
The fat blue unicorn struggled to pull its mass out from under the fence, his fluff catching on the ends of the fence boards. With a grunt of exertion, he popped out and spun around. “Meanie fence! Nu gib huwties to bestest smawty!!” He gave the fence a few kicks, and you chuckled at the soft patting noise his hooves made. All that bulk and you knew little of it was muscle.
He looked over his shoulder at you. “Who yu?”
“Am Smawty Wed.” You said calmly.
“Yu nu Smawty! Am Smawty!!” He screeched, puffing his cheeks out. “Dis Smawty’s wand! Gu way!”
“Ow wha’?”
“Ow get wowstest huwties!” He pawed at the ground, trying to intimidate you.
You rolled your eyes. It was always the same threats. You walked over to the fence, hearing the fluffies on the other side cheer on their smarty. They couldn’t see anything between the boards you were pretty sure, so they didn’t know what he was up against.
You would change that.
Spinning onto your front hooves you kicked the fenceboards, hard. The loud slam silenced the herd behind it and you smelled the scardie poopies in the air. With a satisfied smile you turned back to the smarty. “Wowstest huwties wike dat?”
“Y-y-yus!” he stammered. “An… an pointie huwties!”
“Mmh. Pointy huwties.” You started towards him as he slowly backed away. “Nu hab one of dose.”
“Yus! Nu hab!” The smarty held his head high, horn on display. “Su am bettah dan ugwy nu-spechow fwuffy!”
“Awways wanted a pointy.” You gave him a smile.
He stared at you blankly. You might have to spell it out for him.
“Maybe Smawty Wed get a pointy dis bwite tiem.” You stomped a stick on the ground with a satisfying crack.
The smarty blinked once, then put together what you were implying. “SCREEEEEEEE NU TAEK NU TAEK!” He spun around and started jamming his bulk back under the fence.
You watched him struggle to escape, screaming for his herd to help him. You were Smarty Red, a fluffy who earned that rank through much hard work and training. This creature just decided one day he could claim your rank, and frankly that pissed you off. You saw his tail raise and frowned at the idea of his rancid shit on your nice lawn.
“YU BETTAH NU MAEK POOPIES ON SMAWTY WED’S NICE GWASSIES! SMAWTY WED MAEK YU WEGWET DA DAY YU MUMMAH POOPIED YU OWT!”
The smarty gasped and clamped his tail over his ass as he scooted the rest of the way under the fence.
You nodded to yourself, then turned to go back to your friend on the lawn chair. It was hard work, but you liked it. Those other fluffies didn’t deserve to so much as rest their hooves on your land.
“Good work, Red.” He said as you hopped back onto the chair next to him.
“Tankoo, buh jus’ doin’ job.” You settled in, letting the sun warm your fluff.