The one thing Jacob Bruni was told about Fluffies as he shopped around for one, was that they were fucking stupid.
Sure he also heard that they were selfish, greedy, naive and perpetually horny, but stupid was the one word that came up every time.
Oddly though, that didn’t dissuade Jacob, he’d dealt with stupid animals before, his last pet was an Afghan Hound called Everett who was dumber than a bag of hammers but endearing in his stupidity. And besides, Jacob liked the idea of something that could talk to him, even if it was like talking to a child at least it was conversation.
So after doing his research, setting up a safe-room with a decent amount of toys, and purchasing a few disciplinary tools, Jacob made his way to the local Fluff-Mart to buy a new Fluffy. He considered the shelter to adopt one, but most of the online guides suggested buying for a first-time owner, it allowed new owners to get use to a Fluffy’s temperament without having to undo a feral or abusive lifestyle.
As he walked inside, Jacob felt a thousand pairs of eyes on him, like everyone knew he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. As he walked through the store, he caught the eye of a young female worker who cheerfully walked over to him.
“Hi there, welcome to Fluff-Mart, can I help you today sir?”
“Yes, please…” His eyes darted down to her nametag. “…Kathy, I’m looking for a Fluffy pet but I’m a first-time owner so I’ve no idea what I’m looking for. I’ve read up everything I can online, I’ve got a safe-room, sorry-stick, more kibble than I know what to do with. The only thing I don’t have is an actual Fluffy.”
“Not a problem sir, you’re not the first new owner and you won’t be the last. Now I just need to ask you a few questions to help narrow down what type of Fluffy you’re looking for, is that ok?”
“Sure go for it.”
“Ok, question 1; What will you be using your Fluffy for?”
“Um… as a pet I guess? I’ll manage just sit and talk with them, maybe play sometimes.”
“That’s fine sir, this questionnaire just needs to cover all bases, make sure you’re not an abuser or some sick perv.”
Jacob winced, he’d heard of the type of things people did to Fluffies, how it wasn’t considered animal abuse of beastiality he didn’t know. With the moment passed, Kathy asked the next question.
“Question 2; Will you be looking to breed your Fluffy?”
Jacob was confused by the ambigious nature of the question. “How so, I know Fluffies like having kids but is do you mean am I looking to build a little family or for competitions or…”
“The question is mostly in regards to Show-Fluffies, we don’t get a lot of high-end customers here but we still need to ask so we don’t accidentally neuter the wrong Fluffy. If you say no then we can neuter or spay your Fluffy free of charge before you leave, although depending on the age of the Fluffy you get, that may stir up feelings of depression.”
“Um… in that case put me down as Yes. I don’t know if I want to have a family or not yet, but I’d feel like shit if I took away the option for the little guy without thinking about it. I know I might end up regretting that but I’ve heard there are options to deal with… ‘urges’, right?”
Kathy laughed. “Yes sir, we do provide enfie-toys for hormonal stallions, not as effective as an enfie-mare but if you want one of those you’ve come to the wrong store.”
“No, no. God no, I hate the thought of a Fluffy sex-slave. No, the toy will do fine once it becomes necessary.”
“Great sir, I take it from what you’ve said you’re interested in a stallion?”
“Yeah, again online guides say mares have a bad case of baby fever and I fear I might not be able to say no.”
“Excellent, and final question which I feel I already know the answer but we need to ask it anyway. Does colour or type matter to you?”
“Colour I’m fine with, I’m not looking for some neon disaster but I wouldn’t care if I got a brown one if that’s what you’re asking. But what’s this about types, I kept reading up and I got confused about different species and families and what else?”
“There are different sub-species of Fluffies, like sea-fluffies who can swim underwater or micro-fluffies who are tiny little things, I heard rumours of a Fluffy made of bread a couple years back but they were just rumours. For the sake of your first time purchase we’re still with the regular breeds, there are four types of Fluffies that we know of, Earthies which are just regular Fluffies, a little hardier than the others and tend to live longer if you treat them right. Pegasi who have wings, the wings don’t work but they never realise that, you’ll hear countless stories of Pegasus owners who have their Fluffy jump of a chair or a table and end up breaking their legs, even for a Fluffy their bones are weak. Then you have Unicorns, they come with a horn on their head, it’s dull enough that it can’t hurt you in any meaningful way but they’ll still try if you let them. The horns use to gave out sparks or light up but that was phased out years ago, still, it’s an important part of the unicorn’s identity. Unicorns are smarter than Earthies or Pegasi, but that just makes them more prone to Smarty Syndrome, especially if you fall behind on your punishments, with the others you can let one or two small things slide, with Unicorns you cannot give them an inch or they will take a mile.”
“Got it, and what’s the forth type?”
“Alicorns, they have wings and a horn but something in the Fluffy programming can’t compute someone having BOTH and you will see a lot of Fluffies bully, marginalise or even kill what they consider to be ‘monsters’. The result is both good and bad depending on how you look at it, the good news is that while Alicorns are the smartest breed of Fluffy we have, they are less prone to Smarty Syndrome since they have very little in the way of a superiority complex. The bad news is that their rarity makes them quite pricy, at least double or even triple the price for a regular Fluffy and that’s not even for a good colour.”
“Yikes, well from what you’ve said I think I’d be best with an Earthie, I’m not looking for any bells or whistles, I just want a Fluffy.”
Kathy ticked off a final box on her list and smiled at Jacob. “I think I know just what to get you, follow me.”
Kathy led Jacob through the store, passing countless Fluffies in cages along the way, Jacob’s senses were assaulted by bright pinks and blues, a lingering stink of rancid shit and a bastardised orchestra of “Nyu daddeh?” and “Am dancie Fwuffy.” And “Dummeh hoomin, take bestesh babbeh nyo.”.
“Jesus, they really weren’t kidding about the neediness, were they?”
Kathy chuckled. “No, but you’ve caught them on a bad time, we’ve had a lot of folks buying this time of year so the others are getting a little bit desperate. And desperation can lead a Fluffy to do some dumb things.”
Kathy kept leading Jacob passed the cages and towards a table, there as an open top pen on top with the words; ‘Discount Bin’ written on the side. Jacob looked inside, the first thing he saw was a deep brown mare propped up against corner, smiling contentedly as she fed two foals on her teats. Taking a closer look, Jacob saw about 10-15 small foals of varying ages, some were old enough to talk and play ball with each other, some were still chirpies who stayed cuddled next to the mare’s Fluff.
The only thing Jacob could see they had in common was that they were all varying shades of ‘unwanted’ colours. Some were piss yellow, some were dull green, most of them were shades of brown.
The mare looked up at Kathy and smiled. “Hewwo miss Kat-hee, am yu hewe tu see Mad-a-wine’s babbehs?”
“Why yes I am Madeline, this nice man here is looking for a new Fluffy, I was wondering if you could tell him about yours.”
Madeline waved her arms excitedly. “Ooh, yeh, nice mistah take gud babbehs home, wook afta wittew babbehs.”
Kathy saw the look in Jacob’s eyes and laughed slightly. “They’re not all her foals, some of them are but most of them were rejected from their mothers for being ‘ugly’. Madeline was saved from a breeding mill, despite her colours she’s got a recessive Alicorn gene so they kept breeding her trying to get as many out of her as they could. Now her body has been hard-wired to produce milk, even when she’s not pregnant, that and her complete acceptance of all foals made her a perfect surrogate, Go ahead, ask her about any of them and she’ll tell you all she can.”
Jacob looked down at the foals, now suddenly seeing the unappealing colours up close he felt a slight tinge of embarrassment as he understood why so many people avoided them. It wasn’t the Fluffies fault and he hated himself for thinking less of them, but they weren’t the most pleasing to look at.
He was thinking of how to properly and ashamedly admit this to Kathy when he spotted something, a Fluffy hidden by some blocks, just a hint of its rich, golden brown fluff could be seen, and yet it caught Jacob’s eye all the same.
“What can you tell me about this one?” Jacob asked, pointing to the Fluffy.”
“Dat am wittew tawkie-babbeh, he nu need miwkies anee-mowe. Bu he stiww shy, mummah nu wike him, caww him ugwee. Mad-a-wine nu cawe, stiww wub babbeh, come out babbeh, meet nice mistah.”
The brown foal slowly and shakily came out from behind the blocks, Jacob could now see he was an Earthie colt with a cream mane, still a good looking Fluffy despite his brown colours. Jacob also saw that his eyes couldn’t look at Jacob for more than a few seconds. “He… Hewwo nice mistah, awe yu hewe tu… tu see babbehs. Bruddas an sissies am su… su pwetty, dey wike yu fow nyu daddeh.”
Jacob turned and looked at Kathy, seeing a sad smile on her face. “Is this normal?”
“For him? Yeah. After he was rejected by his mother he wasn’t able to form up his confidence well, it’s made him a wonderful helped for Madeline in looking after the younger foals, but he’ll put them over himself before anything else.”
Jacob felt his heart break for the little guy, he turned back and reached out to the colt to stroke him, he could feel the little thing shaking like crazy, but he accepted the contact all the same.
“I’m looking for a new Fluffy, how would you like to come home with me?”
“Nice mistah wan babbeh? Bu udda babbehs am su mush pwettia.”
“I don’t want a pretty baby, I want you. I think you deserve something good in your life for what you’ve done, and I’m happy to give it to you.”
The brown foal gazed up at Jacob, his big eyes shining bright with hope. Only for his face to drop as he turned back to Madeline. “Mummah, babbeh nu wan weave yu awone, nu wan…”
“Shh babbeh, yu am gud babbeh, mummah awways wub yu. Bu mummah hab udda bruddas an sissies tu wook afta, babbeh hab nyu daddeh, dat am bestesh fing fow Fwuffy. Gu wiv nyu daddeh, he wook afta babbeh nyo.”
The foal gave Madeline a final hug before turning back to Jacob, he took the foal in his hand and picked him up, gently petting his mane as he did. Kathy smiled at the sight.
“I think that’s a match, I just got a few forms for you to fill out but first… have you thought of a name for him?”
Jacob looked at the foal’s golden-brown coat, reminding him of a certain Bourbon brand. Fittingly all of Jacob’s friends called him Jack as a nickname, so as far as he cared there was only one name for the foal.
“Daniels, I’ll call him Daniels.”
It took Daniels a few days to really settle into the knowledge that he had a new daddy, a new home and a new life, but after the first week he and Jacob found a good rhythm together. Jacob had taken some time off work to ease Daniels into his new living space and to go over all the rules, most of which he was already taught by Madeline, stuff like litterbox use, good manners and understanding when daddy says No it means No.
Unfortunately, because of his upbringing Daniels was also a giant teddy-bear, either too nice or too scared of anything or anyone he saw. One vivid memory Jacob had was when Daniels, in a sleepy state, accidentally turned on the TV by stepping on the remote, he spent the next few minutes searching the house for whoever was talking before bursting into tears because he thought his ‘New friends’ were avoiding him. Even after Jacob explained it was just the TV he couldn’t understand, only daddy could turn the TV on, and daddy wasn’t in the room when the talking started.
After the first month, Jacob only had to use the sorry-stick twice, the first time was when he went back to work, and even after explaining to Daniels that he WOULD come back and to look at when the big clock hand was at twelve, and the small clock was at five to know when he’d be back, Daniels still had a meltdown. Jacob returned home to find Daniels, covered in tears and shit, clutching onto his now ruined blanket, convinced Jacob had abandoned him,
It took a good long bath 15 hits with the stick for Daniels to learn his lesson, Jacob spent all of the evening making sure he understood what ‘Work’ was and why it was important for Jacob to go so he could keep Daniels fed and comfortable. Daniels still cried about Jacob leaving but now that he knew he would come back, he didn’t have a meltdown anymore.
At least, he HOPED that Jacob would come back every day.
The second time Jacob used the sorry-stick was the only time Daniels ever demanded anything, as what most Fluffy owners do, he had set out a ‘Sketti’ day to reward Daniels for good behaviour. Being Italian on his father’s side, Jacob – his real name being Jacobi before he shortened it – loved to cook homemade dishes and having Daniels as a taste tester meant that every Saturday, the two of them would be in the kitchen cooking up a fantastic meal together. Jacob would experiment with different sauces and ingredients, seeing how Daniels reacted to all of them, of course this was sullied slightly when he realised that he could give Daniels instant noodles and ketchup and still think it was the best thing ever, but there was something about his enthusiasm that Jacob found infectious.
That was until one Friday, literally just 12 hours away from another home-cooked meal, Jacob placed down a bowl of kibble in front of Daniels and got a look of disgust.
“Dis nu sketti.”
“Sketti Day is tomorrow Daniels, don’t worry, I’ve got everything prepared for cooking, we can start as soon as we’re up and ready tomorrow.”
“Daniew nu wan dummeh kibbew, wan skettis nyo.”
Daniels kicked his food bowl, sending some of the kibble pieces scattering, Jacob looked down and tried to play negotiator.
“Daniels, you’ve probably gotten your days mixed up, that’s ok, I’ve done that myself. But Sketti Day is Saturday, this is Friday, we WILL have Skettis but not until tomorrow. Now say you’re sorry for being grumpy and eat your food.”
“NU! Daniews wan Sketti aww bwite-time an daddeh nu gib anee, daddeh am meanie.”
And he kicked the bowl even harder, sending the kibble flying everywhere. He stared up at Jacob only to be met with a cold, indifferent face.
“Daddeh?”
Jacob said nothing, he grabbed Daniels by the scruff, making sure his blast of shit landed on what remained of his food, and carried him through to the living room.
“DANIEWS SOWWY DADDEH, JUS WAN SKETTIS, NU MEAN TU GIB DADDEH HEAWT-HUWTIES, PWEASE!”
His pleas fell on deaf ears as Jacob put him over his knee and started whacking his behind with the sorry-stick.
“Dont.”
WHACK
“Ever.”
WHACK
“Speak.”
WHACK
“To me.”
WHACK
“Like that.”
WHACK
“AGAIN!”
WHACK
“HUUUHUUUU!!! POOPIE PWACE HAB WOWSTESH HUWTIES!”
WHACK
“AHHH!”
Jacob hit him 20 times with the stick until he saw faint bruising on Daniels rear, by the time he was done, Daniels was cowering in fear, his face stained with tears and snot, he kept trying to curl into a ball but the pain on his backside prevented him from moving.
Jacob took a deep sigh and rubbed Daniels on his back, the foal yelped at his daddy’s touch, but calmed slightly when he realised it wasn’t anymore punishment.
“Daniels? Do you know why daddy had to punish you?”
Daniels nodded. “Daniew ask… Daniew dee-mand skettis wen it nu Sketti Day, need tu wisten tu daddeh wen he say it no Sketti Day.”
“That’s right, you also made bad-poopies in your food bowl, that means you can’t have any food tonight until I’ve cleaned it out.”
“Huu, bu hab tummeh-huwties daddeh.”
“You should’ve thought of that before you made a mess. Beside, you’ll have plenty of kibble tomorrow because we won’t be cooking sketti together either.”
Daniels set off crying again, thankfully not calling Jacob a meanie anymore, but he spent the rest of the day in tears before he finally tired himself out and crashed to sleep.
After that though, Jacob got a chart of the days to help Daniels keep track of them all, he pinned it to the fridge with a pen so that every day, he would cross off which day it was leading to a big gold star on Saturday. Daniels never demanded spaghetti again and the two of them found their rhythm again.
Things took a rough turn after three months together, it wasn’t the fault of either Jacob or Daniels, it was just biology catching up with them both. It was a Sunday, Jacob had the day off from work and was enjoying a lazy day with Daniels on the sofa, there was nothing on the telly so Jacob browsed his home and let Daniels watch whatever was on Fluff-TV, after he’d blocked out some of the more ‘dangerous’ programmes like Babbehs, Speciaw-Fwiends and The Great Sketti Adventure. Some of it was fun in the bright, colourful way that children’s programming was, most of it was utter nonsense but Daniels enjoyed it and it kept him distracted.
The last programme about how ‘No leggie Fluffies are still good Fluffies’ was ending just as Jacob got a phone call.
“I’m just gonna take this buddy, you be ok on your own for a little bit?”
“Yeh daddeh, Daniew hab Tee-Bee tu keep him safe.”
“Good boy.”
Jacob gave Daniels a quick head-scratch and left the room, shutting the door before he could hear the TV announcer speak;
“Next on Fluff-TV, it’s The Wan Babbehs Show.”
Daniels eyes went wide, and he felt a stirring between his legs.
Outside in the hallway, Jacob answered his phone. “Hello?”
“Mr Bruni? This is Kathy Parker from Fluff-Mart, I’m just calling to check on Daniels, how’s he doing?”
“He’s doing well, we’ve had a few moments of bratty behaviour but they’ve been a vast minority, I’d say compared to other owners I’ve gotten lucky.”
“That’s great to hear, I’m happy to hear you’ve both doing ok.”
There was a pause that hung in the air, and Jacob couldn’t ignore it. “You called with a purpose, didn’t you?”
“Ha, yes unfortunately. We do this with every new owner around the three or four month mark, by this point your Fluffy might start becoming… sexually active. This can gross out or even scare some owners since Fluffies have a more lax view on sex than humans have, they’ll hump anywhere and everywhere if they could. We just want to make sure everything’s alright and that nothing’s come up yet.”
“Well nothing yet but…”
Suddenly Jacob heard it, it was faint but he heard it coming from behind the living room door.
‘Enf, enf, enf, enf.”
Kathy took the silence as a worry. “My Bruni?”
“You’re a goddamn psychic Miss Parker.”
Jacob burst through the door to see Daniels humping the couch cushion, and REALLY going at it, his eyes were glazed over, his face plastered with a dumb smile as he stare blankly at the TV screen, his hips almost working on sheer instinct. He hadn’t even made note of Jacob coming back in the room.
“ENF. ENF. ENF. ENF.”
“JESUS CHRIST!”
In a flash, Jacob grabbed Daniels and pulled him off the cushion, just in time too as he could see the Fluffy’s penis trembling and pulsing, mere seconds away from release. A drop of pre-cum spurted out of his twitching dick and almost landed on Jacob’s shoes.
“NUUU, daddeh pwease, Daniew awmosh hab gud-feews, speciaw wumps hab wowstesh huwties, PWEASE!”
Jacob heard Kathy laughing on the other end of the phone. “I take it I called at a good time?”
“Yeah, perfect bloody timing.”
Jacob looked at the TV, it was filled with mares presenting themselves, all of them talking about ‘Wan babbehs’, ‘Gib babbehs, make Fwuffy soon-mummah.’
“What the… fudgesicles is this?” Jacob nearly shouted.
Still on the phone, Kathy answered. “Sounds like The Wan Babbehs Show, it’s a new one from Hasbio, it’s supposed to be educational in teaching Fluffies about proper sexual conduct, but for the mares it sets off their baby fever, for stallions it’s basically just Fluffy Porn.”
“Christ, no wonder people told me not to get the subscription.”
“It’s a double-edged sword, Fluff-TV is the best educational tool for Fluffies around, it’s just also the best propaganda tool for Fluffies as well.”
“I take it this is the time for that enfie-toy you talked about?”
“In my opinion, yes. Daniels is only four months old at this point; he’s still far too young for a mate. A toy will help release his urges without the emotional attachment of another Fluffy. It’s either that or have him ruin your cushions, your shoes, any loose piece of fabric you have laying around. If he has a stuffy-friend he might even hump that but he’d feel real bad about it afterwards.”
“Thankfully not, just the blanket. I’ll have a talk with him about not humping the sofa and come by tomorrow for the toy.”
“No worries, I’ll see you then.”
Jacob hung up the phone and turned to Daniels, still in his other hand. The little brown guy was still crying, but he was also still erect, it made for a strange, uncomfortable sight.
“Daniels, I’m not mad at you, I just didn’t expect this to happen so fast. These… urges you feel to have ‘good feels’ are natural, it means you’re becoming a big Fluffy, however you need to keep these urges in place, and not ruin daddy’s things with… No-No Juice.”
“Daniew sowwy daddeh, nu mean tu be bad Fwuffy, wumps jus hab wowstesh huwties, nu-nu stick feew gud on coo-shun.”
“Yeah, well… it’s still daddy’s cushion and he’d prefer you didn’t give it any enfies. But I know your lumps will be hurting so how about tomorrow, you and I go to the store and I’ll get you a enfie-toy, you can give that as many enfies as you like and not have to worry about daddy shouting at you. I’ll even let you pick out the colour you like.”
“Weawwy? Fank yu daddeh, Daniews nu gib bad enfies tu coo-shuns ow anee-fing ewse gain.”
With his genitals no longer standing to attention, Jacob brought Daniels in for a cuddle, happy they were able to move passed this awkward moment together.
The one thing Jacob was told about Fluffies was that they were fucking stupid, but through that stupidity Jacob found a sweet, endearing, sometimes troublesome, but always loveable little friend who he cared for like his own fluffy child.
Unfortunately, for all the warning Jacob had been given about Fluffies, nobody had ever told him about the twisted, manipulative ways of the absolute worse ones, or how to deal with them when they crashed into your life.
And at that moment, one of them did with a knock at the door.
I realised writing this, I’ve never given Kathy a proper age, I had intended for this to be partially in the future when she was grown up but due to a timeline issue – which I won’t get into just yet – I can’t do that without making things unbelievable for another character.
So we’re gonna say that Kathy is currently 18 in this series and we’ll bump this to an earlier point in the timeline. Christ it’s hard to keep up with this shit, but hopefully the pay-off will be worth it in a future chapter.
