Gerard the Smarty, Part 3 - By AtlanticHillfolk

By the time that the sun had crested over the hills, Gerard had already woke up and eaten his breakfast. After placing his dishes back into the auto-chef to be cleaned he checked the levels on materials and made a note to add fluffy milk to his next supply request.

He shut the maintenance door and trotted over to the canned foal sitting on the couch, pressing his ear to the can, listening to see if the foal had woken up and started talking yet. He heard a faint sleepy cooing from inside the can and pulled back to let the little fluffy sleep.

He flicked his eye upwards and the virtual stockpile for the houses system flared to life, now showing extra rations of food, water and other essential compounds.

He’d made sure to stock up on all of the essentials for raising a new foal; food, milk, training litter, blankets and…


Gerard looked around the main room for a moment before quickly bounding off to the drone bay to check the boxes.

Surely, he hadn’t forgotten one of the most obvious things that every fluffy care guide mentioned as something he would need, right?


Of course, he did. After almost an hour of checking and double checking, he’d come to realize that he had in fact forgotten one of the most basic essential things necessary for raising a fluffy in his haste.

Plopping himself down on one of the couch nests nearby to the sleeping foal, he turned inward thinking on a solution.

The blanket was easy to wrangle from his spare laundry and the food was restocked on demand by autonomous drones as necessary.

But if he were to order the toys he would probably need and have them delivered via drone, it would take at least a couple of days to arrive.

There was an old Fluffmart in town that he could try and get them from, but the likelihood that he could just walk into a pet shop and be taken even remotely seriously was low.

Moreover, they may even think to hold him in a cage until Donald could come and break him out.

No, no. If he was going to do this, he was going to need somebody to act for him by proxy, someone whose requests for what he needed wouldn’t simply go ignored. He though on it for a moment, before a spark flared in his mind and a smile grew across his face.

He knew just the candidate.


The pizza girl, Dawn, walked alongside the odd grey fluffy as they wove their way through the streets of the town, a part of her wondering if this was really how she intended to spend some of her precious time on one of her all to rare days off.

But the money she was being offered to pretend to be Gerards ‘owner’ was just too good to pass up. She didn’t know precisely how a little grey horse monster managed to come into that kind of money, but honestly, she didn’t really care. Because unlike her sleazy boss at National Pizza, he actually paid.

As they reached the door to the Fluffmart, Dawn looked to Gerard and with a nod, pushed open the door. The both of them were immediately assaulted by the condensed smell of fluffies jam packed into the tiny storefront.

All considered for a place called ‘Fluff-Mart’, there were surprisingly few fluffies to be immediately seen. At first glance, Gerard could see three adult fluffies standing in a small open pen who all put their front hooves up on the edge and started asking Dawn to be their ‘nyu mama’ and tell her why they would be the best to take home.

He turned his head to a wall display, containing about eight plastic boxes that were just barely big enough to hold a single fluffy plus a kibble bowl and perhaps a hamster bottle filled with water. He could see at least two of the eight cages were occupied.


The two of them both looked up at the irritated young lady, perhaps a little younger than Dawn by Gerards reconing, behind the counter had looked up from whatever AR game she was playing and was now looking at him with an irritated expression.

“On leash only! Either that or you gotta carry him, I don’t wanna clean up turds from the floor, okay!?”

Gerard briefly considered telling the girl that wouldn’t happen, but though better of it considering his current appearance. She must of heard that from almost every fluffy who pooped on the floor.

He looked up toward Dawn and sat on his haunches awkwardly making the ‘upsies’ position with his hooves. Dawn looked about as pleased picking him up as he did being picked up, but obliged if just to get the teller off of her back.

“Jesus your heavy…”

“Wets get this obah with…”

“I better get a fucking amazing tip for this Gerard.”

They tore quickly through the fluffmart picking up toys suited for foals quickly as they went. Most of them were simple things like blocks or stuffed animals, which was unsurprising considering how simple foals who just started talking tended to be.

What made Gerard raise his eyebrow however was the distinct simplicity of all the other toys. He was always under the impression that fluffies got smarter as time went on, but most of the toys he saw were just slightly bigger versions of the same type of toys for the foals. He’d need to keep that in mind for later.

As Dawn collected whatever toys he pointed out to her, taking as little time as possible in between trying to make this a short trip.

She brought up the basket to the cash register and the girl behind the counter rolled her eyes, put her phone away and began scanning and bagging the toys.

“This guy get a feral knocked up or something?”

“Nope, just adopted a new foal, figured he’d want to come along.”


Gerard looked around the room, noting the reduced price stickers on all of the fluffy kennels as well as more than a few of the other fluffy specific products. Turning back to the counter, he piped up and spoke to the cashier.

“Am you going out ob business?”

The girl behind the cash looked at him like he just sprouted a daisy from his forehead and he felt Dawns grip on him falter a little bit.

“Uh, yeah… were being bought out by another… how did you know that?”

Gerard shrugged. The cashier looked him in his eyes for a moment before she seemed to remember something and leaning over to the side counter and picking up a small box with a colorful label on the outside and a tear away lid.

“Anyway… new foal right, you can have one of these as well.”

Dawn and Gerard looked down at the box in confusion before looking back up at the cashier for an answer.

“It’s a thing called a Little Pal JR. Not entirely sure how it works but it’s supposed to clean the foal’s ass when they shit or something…”

“Do we have to pay for it?” Dawn asked, shifting Gerard in her arms as she held him up.

“Nah, my boss ordered a half dozen of these things for some chick and he didn’t end up buying them, soo now we just give em away so we don’t have to throw em out later. It’s the last one, you want it or not?”

After a moment’s consideration, the both of them shrugged and the box was bundled in with the other toys.

The moment Dawn was out of the Fluffmart she let Gerard down out of her grasp and they completed their transaction and parted ways.

Gerard walked all the way back to his home with a heavy bag slung over his back and clutched in his teeth for stability.

Reaching the top of the hill, the door opened automatically. He trotted in and flicked plopped the bag down on one of the chairs.

Unpacking the toys and organising them into one of the empty ‘spare rooms’ in his house was easy enough. He would need to eventually sort them but for now it was more of a haphazard plie more than anything else.

Then finally he came to the last item, nestled at the bottom of the bag, a small disposable cardboard box with big colorful letters, cutesy poo emojies and a short list of instructions printed on the front, which Gerard quickly read.

How to set up your Litter Pal JR TM!

  1. Pull tab around box lid to expose litter box.
  2. Apply water to sealed opening to remove glue.
    Notice: Dispose of after one week or after device becomes inoperable.

It seemed simple enough, Gerard though as he grabbed the quick release pull tab with his teeth and yanked until the cord pulled free. Once he was sure the lid of the box was properly off, he gave it a light tap with his hoof in order to expose the…



Gerard recoiled in shocked horror so hard the he smacked up against the wall of his living room with an audible ‘BANG’ that sent the foal in a can into a series of panicked peeping from inside of the can.

Inside of the box was a light grey unicorn foal, it had been chemically blinded in both eyes, its horn had been crudely broken off and its mouth had been glued shut.

It tried to look around with its broken eyes and its head hung over a trough like box at the front of the contraption.

Gerard straitened himself onto all fours and, remembering the writing on the front of the box, ran to the sink and flicked it on with his neural link.

He took a sip of water in his mouth, returned to the foal, and spit a small amount of water on its mouth area, watching as the glue holding its lips together began to dissolve.

Cough! Cough! Nuu! Wah happening?! Nu hewt fwuffy, pwease! Huu-huu-huu!”

He went to the side of the cardboard box set to work tearing out chunks of cardboard with his teeth and hooves until the little grey foal came loose.

The foal itself shook in terror and questioned the ‘scawy noisies’ as the box was torn apart around it.

When he finally had the box open Gerard was startled to discover the real extent of the damage done to the poor creature. It was missing all four of her legs, an angry itchy looking redness starting to spread across the stumps.

He checked its hind and quickly realized it was a girl, also noticing the industrial plug that had been used to seal her, wincing at the realization.

Industrial plugs were an archaic tech used for fluffies who served as decorations, most couldn’t survive a conventional removal.

“P-Pwease nu touch speciaw pwace! Poopy pwace hab tu many hewties awweady! Pwe-EEEP!”

Gerard picked up the nervous blind filly in his mouth an walked her over to one of the couches. He sat her down in between his front hooves and nestled her with his nose. She shook at first, but the gentle touch of another fluffy seemed to calm her.


“Shh, shh, shh. Its otay, its otay… Don’t be scawed. Yu awe safe. Yu awe otay. Poow widdwe fwuffy… Shh, shh.”

The little blind foal started to sob, wiggling what was left of her legs in an attempt to hug Gerards legs, and breaking into wracking sobs when she realized that she couldn’t do that anymore.

Gerard flashed search onto the screens of his windows, looking for a surgeon who would take on a case like this. Filtering through them was quick running at the speed of thought, but the results were bleak.

Most veterinarians wouldn’t take the case on the grounds that it would be a waste of time, or money, or they don’t treat fluffies because it would be easier to buy a new one.

Even then, most wouldn’t entertain the idea of limb restoration. He even got one response back telling him to leave her as a pillow so she gets into less trouble.

After a few frustrating minutes, he gave up on that particular avenue and began scanning through independent clinics and cyber-docs.

Gerard would need something a bit more… unconventional.


It must’ve been quite the shock to Gerard to just what litter pals were and how messed up mankind can be to everything around them be it other humans, animals, plants and now also fluffies. :no_mouth:

He should totally enlist the help of @Booperino’s Fixer.


I totally agree with you there!


So he gonna find a ripperdoc for her? Might have to replace her skeleton or else any augments might rip themselves from her body.