*Mummah-Daddeh! Mummah-Daddeh!!! *
You wake from your mid day nap and sit up in your bed, you look over the side of it to see the Fluffy that you’ve been raising for about a month and a half. Still no news about Fluffies being real, still no evidence that there are more than one of these things walking around, and still
incredibly annoying and whiny.
*Mummah-Daddeh!!!Mummah-Daddeh!!!Mummah-Daddeh!!!Mummah-Daddeh!!! *
You have come to terms with it. This creature is in fact an actual Fluffy pony, and everything about it connects with what the internet has made them to be.
As it’s been growing you have been doing tests to determine whether the tropes of a Fluffy pony exist in this thing. All these only cement the fact that you have the world only real fluffy; The thing can speak, it has an intense fear of water, it shits all the time, and it even goes crazy for spaghetti! Well it had once for a few minutes.
*Mummaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah-Daddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!!! *
You don’t know what kind of cosmic supernatural joke is being played on you, but you’ve settled in taking care of this thing. You find yourself going on your once most favorite Fluffy pony website, Fluffy dash community dot com, almost every day trying to scrape together some knowledge on how to raise this thing in the real world. It’s very hard to comb through all the stories that only provide abuse and torture as a means of learning.
Besides the occasional ‘bad poopies’ and annoying crying, the Fluffy has not yet done anything to deserve that harsh punishment, in your opinion.
*MUMMAH-DADDEHHHH!!! WHY NU WISEN TU BABBEH!!! *
You rub your eyes and groan at the shrill voice, the natural filter you’ve developed that phases out most of it droning nonsense being conquered by its tenacity.
“Whaaaaaat in the God damn do you want? I told you my name is Danny…”
*Siwwy Mummah-Daddeh! Dat am wha babbeh say! You am Mummah! Namsie Daddeh! *
You’ve gone through this before and it never sticks, you just stare blankly at the wall until the Fluffy hops up on its hind legs and leans against the side of your bed.
You look over to the Fluffy thing, it had gone through a growth spurt after the first month, and in the matter of two weeks has gone from the size of a softball to a basketball.
Its voice was bigger, its appetite bigger, its shits were gargantuan now. This was so much easier when it fit on your desk in a small box and did nothing but chirp and shit, but now it had taken to waddling at a decent speed around your room with its dumb hooves thudding on the carpet floor.
*Mummah-Daddeh!! Babbeh heawsie peepies! Peepies fwom bwight tingie! Am chiwpie babbehs!!! Am udda chiwpie babbehs wike Babbeh!! Am nyu fwends!!! *
The Fluffy points with its stubby hoof over your bed at the other side, hopping with excitement as you follow the line from it to the window. You can hear chirps and whistles coming from outside the house, still in your bed sheets you fling open the drapes you have almost always closed.
The Fluffys eyes grow and its jaw drops wide in awe.
On the other side stands a large magnolia tree that rises high to the second story of your parents house, its branches reaching wide and just a foot away from brushing against your window. On the branches you spot some brown birds twittering away in the sunlight, and quickly close the window drapes. The Fluffy snaps out of its trance and frowns at the action.
“It’s just some birds bud, there are no other babbehs…” You pull the sheets back over you and turn away from the disheartened Fluffy.
You try to go back to sleep when you start to hear a thumping coming from the other side of your room. You look up to see the Fluffy pawing at your closed door.
“Hey what are you doing? Stop that.”
The Fluffy turns to you and gives you a dopey face, it’s the kind of face he gives you when he wants something that you haven’t scolded him for asking for yet.
*Mummah-Daddeh… Can Babbeh… Go outsie? *
Besides trips to the bathroom for baths, you never let the Fluffy walk freely anywhere besides your room. You always closed the door whenever you needed to go cook, pick up mail or take a shit, making sure the Fluffy never got out. The small confines of your room has been all its conscious life has ever known. A part of you almost conceptualizes this sad reality, but your grogginess buries these thoughts away and replaces it with irritation.
“What, why would you wanna go outside? You don’t even know what’s out there.”
*Babbeh go spwow! Gu fin mowe babbehs!! Fin nyu fwen!!! Hab su many nyu fwens!!! Fin nummie miwkies!!! An funsie toysies!!! An Nyu Fwen!!! *
You pinch the bridge of your nose as the Fluffy continues naming things he wants to see, repeating most of them several times over. You start getting a headache as his voice starts rising in volume as his excitement explodes.
*AN NUMMIES!!! AN NYU FWEN!!! AN PWETTY BAWE AND BWOKIE TOYSIE!!! AN NYU FWEN!!! AN NU BUWNIE HUWTIE SKETTIS!!! AN NYU FWEN!!! AN NYU FWEEEEENNN!!! Pweeease!!! Mummah-Daddeh! Wet Babbeh outsie so Babbeh can spwow!- *
“NO!”
You shout out over the annoying pleading, ignoring half of what the thing was prattling on about. The Fluffy stops speaking and stares at you with an open mouth.
“You’re not gonna do any of those things and I’m not letting you out! You think you know what’s out there, but there’s nothing out there for you!”
You turn and lean over your bed to the adolescent blue Fluffy pony, his hooves still mounted on the side of your bed standing on his back legs. You’re looking straight at him with his beady little eyes which pupils have shrunk to two tiny pins.
“There’s nothing out there for you because you shouldn’t even exist! You’ll never make any friends because you’re the only fucking Fluffy in this entire world! Even if you did make it out of here it won’t end up like some Fluffy story where someone kicks you down an alleyway and you get eaten by a stray dog! They’ll carve you up alive and experiment on you like some alien! This room and I are the only things keeping you alive!”
You both stare at each other silently, your face twisted in righteous anger and the Fluffys frozen in shock.
Then out of the blue the blue Fluffys face scrunches up, its brows furrowed, his cheeks puff up as if it had shoved golf balls in its mouth.
The thing began pounding at the side of your bed with its front hooves, all the while staring daggers at you with its puffed up face and snorting out its nostrils.
*HMPH! MUMMAH-DADDEH NEBA WET BABBEH OUTSIE DUMMEH WOOM! HMPH! MUMMAH-DADDEH NEBA WET BABBEH HAB TOYSIE OW SHAWE BUWGUW NUMMIES! HMPH! MUMMAH-DADDEH NEBA WET BABBEH WAWCH WIDDEW TEEBEE! HMPH! MUMMAH-DADDEH NEBA WET BABBEH DU ANYFING!!! *
*MUMMAH-DADDEH!.. MUMMAH-DADDEH AM!..AM!..
*DUMMEH MUMMAH-DADDEH!!! *
“Cope and seethe!”
You cover yourself in your sheets again and shut your eyes, turning away from the little hell gremlin.
The Fluffy, cheeks still puffed and face still screwed up in anger, steps down from the side of your bed and turns its back towards you.
*HRNNNNNNNNNN!!! *
You look over your shoulder to see the thing, it’s front body lowered and rear raised up towards you.
*DUMMEH MUMMAH-DADDEH!!! GET SOWWIEST POOPIEEESSS!!! *
A tsunami of Fluffy shit rains down onto you. You don’t have time to react as the foul excrement lands on top of your sheets, and hits your exposed head. The smell seeps into your soul and you instinctively cover yourself as even more of the Fluffys heinous payload is dumped onto you, but it’s too late.