3. Abuse Toy
What the hell… What was that?..Was I knocked out? The fuck?
“Listen to me Mrs. Pizarro, you simply cannot cancel your order after this much time…”
Yeah… Yeah, I think I something made me unconscious… A jelly- no, jell-o, Jellenheimer, that’s it.
“We prepared the product for weeks and it is already in delivery condition…”
I kinda remember going in a dispatch, yeah, I think that was the last thing I did. It was a weird call from the chief, apparently a Jellenheimer was for the first time actually attacking people, can you believe it? I knew it, I bloody knew it, those fuckers not only existed but were real life monsters with bad juju waiting to kill people, yeah, like the stories my ma’ used to tell me when I was a child but with a fluffy monster instead.
“You cannot just throw a fluffy after being raised, you asked for a product with these specific characteristics. It is simply not doable, our corporation policy is…”
Now, what is happening to me, I need to think. The last thing I remember was being thrown like an old rag by something, yeah, that jelloheimer or something. Oh man, now that I think about it that could have killed me, geez, it was brutal, I was basically propelled through the roof and I swear on my life that throw was like I’ve never felt before, I could swear my ribs cracked like goddamn cookies at that moment, kinda neat I was patched up after that, those medical fellas quite literally saved my life I tell you.
“Mrs. Pizarro, that course of action will result in the monetary compensation specified in the contract and an additional penalty fee for our services…”
It was a good rest but I need to finally open my eyes, perhaps talk to the doctor and ask more details on that red bastard, I think I am already healthy enough to recover.
“Thank you Mrs. Pizarro, I will continue the bureaucratic process by myself and- Excuse me? Who is your husband? I-I think I don’t follow what you are trying to say…”
Nah, I’m good, the medical leave will be a vacation for now, it is not like I feel bad or something. Just a slight discomfort on my back but after that shit the jellyheimer made me go through? I think I deserve a vacation, so I will just sleep more, forget everything, perhaps ask for my phone afterwards, perhaps call my girlfriend, she must be playing with her shitrats but I don’t care, I love my Mariah pumpkin, telling her now that I was knocked out by a monster will make me look like a pussy. So I ain’t risking it, imma just sleep like a goddamn baby.
“Understood. Apologies for the inconvenience, have a nice day”
Some weird vibrations are getting stronger, it’s an earthquake or what?
Just as I open my eyes a giant bald man grabbed my neck and started yelling at me.
“You FUCKING piece of shit, I will fucking kill you shitrat!”
“W-Wha’? Wha happenin’?” Seriously, what the fuck is happening, why is he so big? Why does it want to kill me? Did I become smaller? I don’t get this, this doesn’t make any sense.
“You absolute fucking shit, now i will need to pay all the stuff you needed to grow from my own god damn pocket you moronic trash!”
“W-whu so biwg?” Could not think of anything right now, a goddamn giant dude is threatening to kill me, I don’t even know him. What is this shit of costs too? I just arrived here. What-
“No fucking customer of mine will even buy an unweaned retarded horse, they want them small. And even less with your shit colors. God. Fucking. Damnnit. I thought i hitted the lottery with an alicorn. Fuck…”
“D-Duwde, W-Welax, Welax, aiwn’t nothwing we cawn tawlk-” Can’t understand a thing he is saying but i need to think frosty and make that motherfucker think frosty too, my life is hanging on a thread jesus fuck.
“Uh??! Just because you are an alicorn slightly smarter than the rest of shitrats you think you are better than me now? I am NOT gonna let a rat to think himself better than me!”
Before i had time to react the giant dude grabbed my leg with his hand. Wait a second, why does my leg look like a-
I never expected something so horrible to happen to me. I was shot once in at a shooting range, it was bad but at least i am confident in saying that i did not feel the entire process of the bullet slowly making it’s way in my body. Slowly tearing apart and burn my body millimeter by millimeter was something I did not experience. Unlike here.
“SCREEEEEEEE-” First i felt a pulsating pain of being pulled, then a slow pause when the bone started deforming, afterwards an unending pain when it was being torn apart little by little and finally a ghost feeling mixed with the most painful sensation i have ever endured in my life.
“SCREEEE- SCREEEEEEEEEE-” I could not reason, the pain was something so much. I could not even contain my bladder nor tears. All i had in my mind was desperately trying to cope with the pain.
“You can’t even let me tear your limb off without pissing all over me you waste of space?"
"Uhuuuuuuuu” What? Why am i still conscious? Please god let me pass out, let me pass out, this is too much, please, bearing this pain in my leg is torture, end this please, please-
“Shut the fuck up you garbage, you have any idea how much money i need to pay now from my pocket? For being such a piece of shit imma gonna shut you up forever shitrat!”
In middle of my agony the bald man hand was forced in my mouth. I tried to vomit but i felt the taste of my own blood before nausea. His nails pierced my tongue and pulled it. Doing my best to ignore the pain of my mutilation i tried to wriggle. It was a hopeless endeavor as the man finally took a firm grip and pressed his nails. I clearly felt in detail how the part of me that was used to be my tongue was broken apart like it was nothing, ripping in the middle of his hand. Not enough to tear it, he kept repeating the process, squeezing my tongue again and again, piercing his nails on my defenceless flesh. With each try my tongue deformed into red paste while his hands slowly made progress. At the end, being satisfied with his improvised surgery, took a definitive pull. My tongue was mutilated, broken beyond repair. The man simply rejoiced in taking only my tongue instead of simply pulling all the way and made me puke my innards.
I was sobbing like a newborn child, i could not even properly reason in the middle of all the pain. This must be a dream, it has to be a dream, but the taste of blood mixed with vomit in my mouth and the pulsating sensations in the remains of my body are very real.
“Uhuuuuuu….” Crying and agonizing is the only thing i can do, even breathing is becoming hard. I can feel my mind being more and more clouded by the pain, in middle of all of it, i simply abandon it all and stop thinking.
“You ain’t dying today dipshit, i am gonna use all the money you made me waste.”
…
There has been numerous studies about the nature of fluffies and their tolerance to abuse and torture. These creatures, in their unwarranted innocence, are already envisioned in a idealized world with their corresponding expectations, thus, being subjected to extreme pain results in a short lived process to an inevitable status of “wan’ die” where the biotoy mind will be damaged beyond repair and no amount of stimulus will change it.
With modern animal rights, sensitivities and ethics we can’t compare fluffies pain-related experiments with other species, which is why we are relying on studies from past decades. Applying the same tests we discovered that, while fluffies have an innate natural resistance to endure consciousness loss in reaction to extreme pain, they are as, if not, more sensible to torture than other species. This would explain why they are preferred by the subjects with fluffy abuse enjoyment, since they can endure torture and react appropriately instead of fainting from pain shock.
A new wave of studies have appeared trying to explore if certain factors could affect the duration of the biotoy mental sanity before the “wan’ die” syndrome, the results indicate that herd leaders, pet fluffies with deep bond and empathetic mothers with litters still alive can withstand torture for extended periods of time, the current theory is that a higher purpose can prolong the mental stability in these extreme scenarios.
Higher degree of intelligence, however, varies tremendously between individuals. In experiments between alicorns with innate higher mental capacity, regular biotoys with heavy positive mental stimulus at young age and feral herd leaders from the very few successful wild herds have resulted in mixed reactions. The specimens have either endured even less than other biotoys, likely due the realization of their circumstances, or generated new records in endurance to extreme pain, managing to keep their sanity by developing techniques of self distraction and consciousness abandonment.
These studies are still ongoing however, organizations like intelligence agencies and military around the world want to generate new knowledge and possible tangible strategies to train their personnel to withstand interrogations and prevent information leaks. That being said, these experiments should never be attempted at any human under any circumstance, regardless of the benefits, we, in our personal ethics, cannot force ourselves to commit these atrocities to another human being. Such experiences are not only horrible for our test subjects but to our personnel sanity. For even the worst our species can offer do not deserve this…
…
…
…
I can see it now, i have been forced into the body of a shitrat. For some goddamn reason that red monster transformed me into this monstrosity, the very act of breathing not only fills me with pain of what the bald fucker did to me but also disgust of being a damn toy. Jesus, its not only bad that i am a fluffy but i am also a punchbag for a abuser. Fucking damn it.
Shit, when i killed fluffies in my own home out of boredom i never expected i would become one. To think that jelloheimer could do such thing, not that we had any idea, we never had any news of humans being killed by one, not too known at least.
It’s awful, i hated those things. All they do is shit and beg, that’s why i took pleasure in killing them. They were so easy to break and listening to their cries was so awesome, thinking the world was all hugs and love was bullshit, if it was like that, then i would not be needed as a cop for fuck sake.
With that in mind i never went out of my way to torture them for long, i had things to do and too many carcasses made my house smell like shit. For me, it’s like hating cockroaches, you will kill any insect bothering you and take pleasure stomping them but dedicating your entire life purpose to exterminating those? Yeah, no thanks, i ain’t getting paid to live a life like that.
That’s why finding myself in this room makes things even worse, it’s one of the rooms the crazed abusers make exclusively to torture the fuckers. Who in their right mind does that? Its a whole room! Just kill the shit on your yard and throw it away, like, it’s not like you can’t kill it slow there, our bring your tools to the yard.
Fuck, i forgot i am now one of those. Things ain’t looking goo-
SHIT! FUCKING SHIT! Oh jesus christ the stump is still there, damnit i feel like my leg is still there. It’s like moving something that isn’t there goddamnit it hurts. It hurts like shit, fuck!
Aghhh… Alright, alright, ignore it. Distract yourself, think in your head, think on your head. Aight, so i am a shitrat fluffy now, my tongue is ripped so I can’t even prove i was a human to the bald fuck and i lost a leg, or what used to be my left leg, i dunno about fluffy anatomy.
I want to scratch myself so much, its burning, damn this shitrat body, fucking damn it. Think, think, think, think something else. My body, yes, my body, my body feels similar, i can move, somewhat, its like i was on all fours, the only difference is that i am an alicorn so my wings are something new. Trying to move-…ghhh shit…Trying to move it is like moving my ears, its a faint sensation of something you always had but never actively try to use.
Not that it matters, the wings are decoration only, no flying out of here. I can still move with 3 limbs, constantly falling because i feel like my leg is still there and I FEEL LIKE I’M IN FIRE WHERE MY LEG USED TO BE, shit, shit, ahhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhhh fuuuuck, shit… and i… and i can only move in this room. No hiding places unfortunately, but at least there’s a window so there’s that, right?
This room is one of the crazed abusers use to torture fluffies, what a waste, an entire room for that… did i think about that again? Damn it, so, this room is spacious, i am on a leash tied to the corner of the room and thus no way of leaving, even if i was free i am too slow to slip between the bald fuck and escape, even more with 3 legs. And considering a fluffy is slow as fuck i ain’t leaving.
There’s a litterbox next to me, near it a bowl of water was put in hopes of drowning myself like an average shitrat, in addition to that there’s a table with obvious torture tools, on the other side of the room, trying to knock it down and perhaps set me free using those to cut the leash is impossible since its too far from the corner i am, and as a fucking toy fluffy I can’t even put a dent on the leash with my teeth, designed safe for kids remember? So, no way of doin’ that too.
Talking is not an option too. With my tongue ripped apart i can even talk without bleeding all over, and even if i try speaking ignoring the bleeding the sounds i make are barely speech, its bullshit, i even tried writing on the litterbox but its too small for me to write anything with my hooves, can’t even write a word, and even if i do, the bald fuck simply ignores it. Goddamn idiot, a fluffy who knows how to write would make you famous, shit, can’t you even think for- agh, SHIT, my mouth, i can feel my tongue missing, i taste the blood mixed with what seems to be low quality milk…
How am I not dead already? Are the fuckers like the bald fuck so good at keeping fluffies alive or what? I guess the fucker stopped the bleeding and force fed me when i was unconscious. God damn it, if the jellyheimer made me a fluffy , why did I appear in this house of all options?
Leaving ain’t gonna be easy, but i ain’t dying here. I will leave and that shit bald fuck will always remember losing to a goddamn shitrat of all things, he will suffer remembering a fluffy escaping, oh i can imagine, if that happened to me i would be really, really mad. Yeah, i ain’t dying here, i ain’t dying here, the shitrats are weak but i am a goddamn human, i will leave, i will leave and perhaps find a back back-
Crap, the door opened, the bald fuck is here.
“Hey, money waste, how you doing? After yesterday session i thought you would be “wan dying” already. Guess garbage like you can enjoy a beating.” He said while unleashing me and moving me to the table.
No way out, no way to talk and no way to hurt him. Just endure. Aight, think of something else, distract myself with any shit i can think of and lose consciousness at the first chance i get, come on, i can do it, i did it yesterday and i will do it now.
I think i will piss myself again, fuck.
“Smart shit uh? Learning to use the litterbox without any indication. I would have killed you if you shitted on the floor but I guess shit colored horses know their shit stuff.” The man briefly mentioned the litterbox, sadly, my sad attempts at writing in sterile sand are useless, a fluffy hoof shape ain’t working for legible handwriting in such a small litterbox damn it!.
“Aehhhhhhhh, oooooooohhhhhh” Again, i can’t manage to pronounce anything without breaking anything, if i force myself to talk any more my mouth will start bleeding like a fountain, i can’t afford to hurt my body even more but i had to try.
“Relax dude, relax dude…” The bald man grabbed my torso and locked me in place. “You think I forgot what you said to me? You think I’m an idiot? Uh? Try to be relaxed after this, dude!”
The man took a pincer and started ripping the fur covering my body like a madman. He was doing it in the sloppiest and most painful way he could, grabbing big chunks of fur and pulling them. With each pull i almost felt my skin being torn apart, i felt every hair being forced, breaking the base of my skin and what remained was a bleeding mark all across my body.
He kept pulling and i tried to endure, thinking of anything i could helped a little but the bleeding across my body kept going and going. Think, think about anything. Ahhhhhhh fuuuuuck it hurts, it hurts all over my body, ahhhhhhh!!!
Sobbing is the only thing i manage to do, i can’t help but think of the constant bleeding all over me, i feel everything going on, its horrible. Oh god, make it sto, make it stop, i can’t, i can’t… ahhhhhh, aaaaaahhhhh, AAAHHHHHHH.
When the pulling stopped the pleasure of unconsciousness was nowhere to be found, i felt every part of me crying in pain at the very air passing near me.
“Relax, relax, come on, relax dude, wasn’t that what you said? Relax!”
I could barely understand what he said after he started the next activity the bald fuck prepared.
A cold feeling of metal was in my back, it was sharp, it was almost my size. Oh no. It’s this how it ends? Am i gonna die after all I’ve endured? No, no please, i can’t die yet, i haven’t even seen my girlfriend one last time, please, god, oh god please, i can’t die, i cannot die now, god, god… I am helpless, I am helpless like the body of a shitrat i have been forced into. Don’t want to die, i want to live, i want to see more things, i want to see tomorrow, please no, don’t do it.
I close my eyes and my life flashes in my mind, every memory of my life before i was turned into a fluffy resurfaced. My best friends when i was a child, the guys at university, oh man even when i met Maria, i know i just started dating her a few weeks ago but i wish i could know her better, I don’t care about her being a fluffy lover, i don’t care if i started the relationship because i wanted her body, i just want a second chance to keep going with her, my mom, oh god my mom, i grew only with my ma’, oh how happy she was when i became a cop, ma’…ma’ help me…i know you are dead but help…Don’t let me die, ma’, mama, please, please don’t let me…help…
Despite my body bleeding all over i feel the blade still there, standing still, completely quiet. Scared doesn’t even come close to what i am feeling but i need to know what is happening.
Just as i open my eyes i notice a razor blade on top of me and- OH FUCK, AHHHHHHHH. The blade- The blade started cutting my already damaged skin, i feel my epidermis being cutted like a surgery without anesthesia. Several lines of blood are being carved in me, the air that made me cry of pain before now makes me scream. God, the pain, the pain, the pain, the pain, the pain, AAAAAAAHHHHH, AAAAAAAAHHHHHH, GOD, AHHHHHHHH
“SCREEEEEEEEE!!!” My voice simply cannot continue, my tongue starts bleeding again from the screams. “(Gulp) (Cough) SCREEEE!!! (Cough) Screeee… (Gulp)” Blood forming in my mouth makes me gag, the wound opened again.
I feel weak, yes, YES, don’t think, let it happen, let it free, lose yourself, drift your mind, escape this, come on, come on…
Without much effort i feel the pain consuming the mind, finally, i am gonna forget, i am gonna let it happen without me, i am going to another place.
A bit of time happens, each cut briefly makes me go back but each time it becomes weaker, or perhaps i stopped feeling it. Finally… Dont care what happens, i can’t afford to care anymore…
The pain is still there, but my fatigue is strong enough to ignore everything and anythi-
All of the sudden my entire body is in fire, the air flow burns even more and the wounds are making me revolt in pain. I feel strangely wet, but the terrific sensation is enveloping my entire self, my eyes are burned too and I can barely see.
Now i understand, the bald fuck showered me in alcohol. He doesn’t want for me to die of infection, yet.
“Relax now, i got better things to do.” The man throws me on the corner and puts the leash on me again. “Get fucked, and if you shit on the floor i ain’t letting you leave”
Despite it all i can still understand. The bald fuck lies.
…
…
…
Fuck the bald fuck. Fuck the bald fuck. Fuck the bald fuck. Fuck the bald fuck. Fuck that bald fuck. Come on, don’t stop thinking, keep your mind clean goddamnit, just because I can’t remember my own name doesn’t mean i will lose my mind before i find out.
It’s been days since the last time i ate, normally when the dickhead finishes his session he forces milk or something similar directly to my stomach when I’m unconscious, the bastard can’t even let me eat in peace, fucker… Is he truly enjoying this? Isn’t he supposed to be a breeder or something? Can’t he just let me go and attend his job or what?..I…I was…When i am here…When i was waiting…I dreaded the moment he would come for his entertainment but it didn’t take a genius to understand what’s next, an effective, simple and long torture: Starvation.
It wasn’t until the second day that I understood my situation. The bald fuck was trying to starve me. I immediately made my last stand in the litterbox and stood there, dying because i shit on the floor would be stupid and i am not planning on giving up yet. So, i went to my last stand, did my best to ignore my wounds being rubbed by the sand and stood still for days… Standing…What was I thinking this time?.. Still…Yeah, standing still, i was planning on standing still, I have no idea if this will work, but the less I move, the better.
Something i could notice with the passage of time in these days, beyond the constant reminder of my wounds… My ma’…i wonder if she’s alright, have i been transformed into a fluffy or i have truly died and my body is in a morgue or something…God…Right, right, focus, something i noticed is that thinking is harder, i feel my train of thought drifting everywhere, distracting myself is one thing but outright being incapable of thinking clearly is another. Being drunk… like i was with my friends back then… i-i loved red lager stuff, they thought i was a pussy for exclusively drinking it but… but…being drunk… being drunk isn’t like this, feeling lightheaded is one thing but feeling like the weight of the world is on your head, feeling tired at all times and a pulsating pain in your stomach is another. Man, this is the fucking worst…
Will i leave? Thinking about it i am just a fluffy, a toy. When i was alive no fluffy could outrun, outsmart or damage a human, and me? I’m not even a complete fluffy to begin with. My limp body is filled with wounds, most of them open, my senses have been numbed except the pain, my tongue barely stopped bleeding and my muscles are becoming dangerously thin.
With no idea of how much i will endure stuck here i can’t help but think.
Think about all of this. Is this hell? Purgatory? Have i been punished for being of the fools daring to defy a jellenheimer? It’s just bad luck? I have a purpose being here?
Is enduring this worth it?
I- I want to leave, don’t see the bald fuck again, stop the bleeding and pain, discover this new fluffy body and find a way back. I want that, i really do but… Things aren’t looking to bright. With each session i lose strength, every day that passes makes my chances lower and if i leave… What’s next? How will a shit color shitrat incapable of speaking in these conditions find shelter and food…
Am i supposed to die here? Is this what i deserve? I didn’t care about the fluffies, those things are just an invasive biotoy species, all of their thoughts are just responses made in a test tube by HasBio. But me? Being one of them now, am i truly intended to be here and die for what i did? I can’t think of anything else, yes, i must have a reason. That jellenheimer killed me and i became this for a greater purpose of suffering.
I…
I will die here, there is no hope, leaving is impossible.
There’s no escape… No escape but death…
“Ua…ie…”
I want to die.
“Ua…ie…”
Wan’ Die.
In this state i can’t even kill myself by biting my tongue because it’s been ripped apart already.
“Ua…ie…”
“What did you say fucker?”
Without the strength to even understand what he said I simply let my strength and mind leave my body.
My neck is being crushed, his hand is blocking my trachea… The slow breathing i could barely mantain is abruptly stopped…
Maria… i wanted to know you more… i wanted to spend more time with you… If i just accepted to accompany you to your fluffy center…To meet your pets…
“Don’t you go sleeping on me, you ain’t dying until i say so!”
My body of a fluffy is fragile, which is why even a slight slap made me recoil in unbearable pain again.
I gather all my focus and look, the bald man face is in front of me. Abusing without too much reaction is no fun after all.
“Enjoying your time uh? I’m losing my free time to make you pay for what you did. When i am done with you death will be the thing you wish the most for, yet it won’t come.” The man speaks, the pain enveloping me is too much… i need to let my mind- “LISTEN SHITRAT, you owe me money and you will pay me in your blood for. Fucking. My. Wallet. If i knew i would waste even a penny taking care of you without a sale you would have died the same day the milkbag spawned you.” No, please, end this, end this, end this now… The air…
While looking with all my might my surroundings i take a glance at the window…
That… that place, i know that place, that’s my girlfriend’s house… That’s Maria’s house!
She…she is a good girl. We started dating for a few weeks, yeah, yeah we did, i- i can still remember her being a huge hugboxer, she loved the shitrats and even took care of a small herd…
She’s so close, if she’s this close…
If i could leave…
No, i must leave…
I… must…
Losing focus… shit, the guy is still strangling me… Come on, slow your heart beating. Clear your mind, stop thinking, breathe slow. Breath…
Faint feelings is all i manage to comprehend in this state, the lack of oxygen is making me unresponsive with the biggest headache i had in my entire existence…
…Can’t…Anymore…
Suddenly the pressure stops, the lack of breathing got replaced with the pain of opening wounds of my skin. It hurts, a lot, but i am not dying yet.
“Since you survived much more than the other fluffies i will give you a gift”
He buries my face on the litterbox, next to the feces accumulating after so many days.
“Because i forgot to give your good boy meals, i will give you a treat alright?”
“Eat.”
You got chance, you got a chance, i can do this, eating shit isn’t as bad as eating nails or razors, i can live this off…
The first bite i took forced the biggest nausea i ever had. Every fiber of my wounded body begged me to stop, but i got a chance, if i could leave, Maria would save me, yes, she would save me, i would heal, she would accept that i became a fluffy and help me become a human again, so i can’t give up now, dying is not an option, i must be determined, i will take anything i can do to increase my chances.
The second bite made me vomit, such a long period of time meant that i could not release anything but the remaining gastric juices in my fluffy stomach. Without stopping i kept biting my own fecal matter.
“Fucking shitrat, goddamnit, you stained my floor!”
Before i could continue the bald fuck grabbed me again.
“Are you happy for throwing up on my house? Walking shit, You think you are smart?” I was put on the table again, he is pissed like anything I’ve seen.
I can see he is grabbing a weird tool… Is that? A pillow maker? To remove fluffies limbs? The one from HasBio?
No…Please no, don’t do it, DON’T
“D…Downt” My tongue wound opened again and my mouth is bleeding, i must try, i cannot let him take the rest of my limbs. “…duuuuun dwoo iiiii’”
Can’t manage to speak anymore, my tongue is simply unresponsive after this much pain and blood. Please, please stop, i beg you.
“Now you are finally talking, no idea how you knew what this is but you keep thinking yourself better than me uh? Relax dude, relax dude”
My remaining leg was locked in place in that guillotine-like mechanism. I could not stop it. Helpless, i watched my leg separate from my body, standing motionless in front of me.
What? What did just happ-
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH, FUCK, FUCK, AAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, AGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Screaming and sobbing was everything i could do, the burning feeling that accompanied me for all this time was multiplied with the new mutilation. It made things worse, much worse, i felt both my missing limbs burning with a phantom pain that would not leave nor stop.
“This is no fun dude, relax, relax, relax and scream for me”
Before I could make up my mind after the pain, a second limb was mutilated, this time what i used to consider my right arm.
“SCREEEEEEEEEEE-”
Could not think of anything but pain. Even breathing was filled with suffering, every thought was focused on the horrible feeling and each second made things worse.
This is too much, god please, no more, no more, let me go, let me g-
“No bleeding, great, making a pillowfluff have never been never this easy”
A third cut was made, i how felt everything went black, simply thinking was filled with a hellish burn that broke my mind. I cannot hold on anymore. This dreadful sensation piercing my very being is something i cannot endure anymore…
I cannot-
Liquid fire all over me again, filling every corner of my fluffy body with medical alcohol is a feeling I won’t forget, the tingling suffering covering my entire body keeps me from dying an infection death but brings joy to the bald fuck.
Can’t do it anymore…
“You are funny, I Can’t wait to see when you die, but now I have a milkbag and a new request for this specific litter so i am gonna be enjoying myself here far less, but don’t worry, you will die when i want to.”
After throwing me to my corner the bald fuck left.
“I need to buy food, starvation it’s the easy way.”
…
…
…
Maria, she’s my last chance. I need to survive, find an opening, move to her house, live.
Simple as that.
And yet… do i deserve to be with her?
Few dates i have been with her, i know her basic details but i cannot say our relationship has progressed enough. I cannot see myself marrying her or having kids yet, not that i could.
If i could…
If i could try again, she… she will not let me down. She was so nice to me… She must be a saint.
What kind of sacred light not only dared to accept me as I am but also offered me an opportunity of freedom. There is no explanation, it must be divine providence.
She is my hope, my goal, my everything.
I don’t care about anything else, i must endure, there’s a reason in all of this, she is a miracle, THE miracle that will save me from this hell. This pain, this suffering, this torture is a road to my redemption, yes, everything makes sense. My warden is the very incarnation of fate trying to make me lose my way, but i will not yield, for i love Maria.
That’s it, everyone needs a muse to fight for right? Something to achieve inside each odyssey. That’s why, that’s why i have fallen in love with her.
Can’t stop myself, i need her more than ever. That smile she gave me when she said “Hi”, yes, she loves me too, she is my guardian angel, she promises salvation and she will reward me for enduring this. I am okay now, i can still fight and I won’t lose for her. My angel, my guardian angel gave me a chance, i cannot fail, i must survive, survive, don’t think of tomorrow and just endure more of this. Ignore the world and focus on Maria, the pain i am feeling in my limbs, skin and tongue is just the price i must pay for the true happiness Maria will give me.
Can’t give up.
Maria will be there for me. And i will be there for her.
…
…
…
It’s dark, it’s silent.
Can’t see the sun shining, forcing me to watch this purgatory.
The road is empty without cars to breed noises to break my slumber.
It feels cold, apathetic to life, even the blood dried up long ago.
The door is open and i am not leashed, did the warden forget to bind me?
I must go to Maria, this is it, the chance i endured so much for…
And yet, my legs are gone, i am a useless lump of meat, a pillowfluff can’t move, can’t run. Doomed to die in place like the pathetic being it is.
No.
Not me, i will not fail her. I must go to Maria, seek her salvation. Her house is just across the road, so close to me. This must be a challenge to prove myself, to be worthy.
Think, think, what can you do? Wriggling barely moves you a bit, it will be morning by the time you reach the door. Don’t falter, think.
That’s it.
I wriggle, not to move, but to change angle. It hurts, every single time i move a single millimeter i can feel every cut and wound covering my fragile body scream in pain and cry in droplets of blood. But i must keep going for her, for salvation, for the light. After the arduous process i am finally in position.
Left, right, left, right, Left, Right, LEFT, RIGHT, AAAGGGGHHHHH, Damn it, it hurts.
Balancing a limbless body to roll is harder than i thought, not that the fresh marks and scars are helping either. Briefly, the thoughts of giving up appear in my mind.
Bullshit, this just started.
(Roll)
I remember the first time i approached her.
(Roll)
I remember the first date.
(Roll)
I remember that day at the cinema.
(Roll)
I remember when she told me about her thoughts on fluffies.
(Roll)
I remember the last time i saw her.
Watching from the corner of my eye proves to me that i am moving, not much and much more is left. But Maria calls me.
I try to roll, thinking of her.
Can’t remember any more, we didn’t go on many dates.
But she is my guardian angel, for a reason she gave me a chance.
She must have a pure heart.
(Roll)
She must be the incarnation of justice.
(Roll)
She must like peaceful days.
(Roll)
She must love me unconditionally.
As i continue rolling I think about my savior, she is guiding me, she is perfect, she did so much for me, i bet she opened the door too, haha, can’t give up, i ain’t dying here today nor tomorrow.
For the first time since i started suffering in this purgatory i manage to see the rest of the house, i wish i could see more but surviving is my goal, focusing on Maria is better than sightseeing.
Roll…roll…roll…
Silence.
There’s no one here. Only me, a pillowfluff rolling across a purgatory.
Roll…roll…roll…
Breathing, i feel a breathing all over me, like winds of blade piercing my sensible damaged skin. A Pomeranian dog is next to me.
It smells me, it sniffs me, i am an intruder, a fluffy. My journey may be end abruptly, but i shall await its verdict.
“Are you satisfied?” The dog asks me.
“uuuuuu” No “iiiiiii uuuuuu heeeeeee eeeeee” I must see her.
Can’t let this dog bother me anymore, i keep rolling… she must have accompanied me since i was a child… she must have saved many others…
Thinking about my salvation, I ignore the dog.
In the same way, the dog ignores me.
The dog must have come from somewhere, if i am lucky it must have a-
Dog door! Small too! I see it, i can reach it! I can leave!
Must not stop, Maria wants me to reach her house.
Roll…roll…roll…
The trail of blood is becoming worse, my wounds are opening like nothing before, even the stumps where my limbs used to be are slowly opening, it doesn’t matter, Maria will heal those, i need to keep going.
Roll…roll…roll…
In the front garden a lone red fluffy notices me, stops munching on the grass and approaches me.
“Have you done enough?”
“Uuuuuu” No. “Iiiiiii uuuuuuuus ooooooohhh” I must go.
Thinking about the light I ignore the fluffy.
In the same way, the fluffy ignores me.
Seeing the house of Maria in the distance fills me with blessed hope, almost like all i have endured meant nothing in the face of true purpose and faith. Keep going, come on, keep going.
Roll…roll…roll…
In middle of the night a passerby notices the pillowfluff miraculously rolling unbelievable distances despite atrocious wounds, it stops walking, takes the creature in his hand carefully and asks face-to-face:
“Do you deserve this?”
Do i?
It’s this the price i must pay for killing toys?
Must be, I can’t think of anything else. I committed a sin and it’s being washed away with my tears and blood.
“Ywes” I speak as clearly as i could, my tongue started bleeding like I’ve never seen, its too much, the blood is accumulating at alarming rate but its okay, Maria will heal it.
“Ywes, i desewve” Spitting the blood forming in my mouth between each word i talk to the passerby who picked me up.
Weakness is in my entire being, my lids are heavy, my breathing is painful, thinking is hard. In a final act i try to point and signal Maria’s house with my head.
The perceptive man walks me over the road, leaves me at the door and touches the bell before leaving.
Finally.
I did it.
Thank you Maria, for showing me the way. I can rest now, knowing that you will take care of me.
- The toy is still alive, only dreaming. The bald man isn’t letting him die that easily.
- The toy is still alive, while he was hallucinating on the escape, he managed to reach Maria’s house.
- The toy didn’t make it, it’s just a final thought before dying.