[Skrelptastic] The Worst Birthday Ever

The Worst Birthday Ever
By Skrelptastic

Your name is Duffy. You’re a fluffy! You live in a big house with your daddeh. You love daddeh! Whenever daddeh is around, you’re the happiest fwuffy ever! Every morning, daddeh gives you kibble and sketties, and then goes to “wowk”. You don’t like “wowk”; it means daddeh is gone all day and you’re alone. You watch Fluff TV and take sweepies, but you get lonely anyway. You’ve had lots of heawt huwties lately. But things are going to change.

Tomorrow is your birthday!

You wake up and waddle out to the kitchen, where daddeh sits with his paper and yucky jooce.
“Gud mownin daddeh!” you say happily.
“Morning Duffy,” daddeh mumbles without looking up.
You trot to your bowl hoping for sketties…no sketties, just kibble. You feel small heawt huwties but ignore them. You’re too excited to have saddies!

“Daddeh, can Duffy…can pick Duffy pwesent?” you ask shyly.
Daddeh puts down his paper and looks down at you.

“What are you talking about?”
“Fow Duffy biwfday daddeh!”
“Oh…it’s your birthday?”

Your smile vanishes and you feel a lump in your breathie place. It’s like someone took your heawt and gave it biggest owies, and then sowwy poopies too. You fight back the saddie wawas though. Daddeh is very busy after all, you can’t blame him for forgetting…your first birthday…

“N-nu sniff daddeh. Tomowwow am Duffy biwfday. Duffy…Duffy gon be wun. Duffy jus…wan fwends an pwetty bawoons an…an jus wun pwesent daddeh!”

Daddeh pauses for a moment. Then he sighs. “Yeah…alright. We can celebrate your birthday if you want. What did you want for your present?”

“Wan mummah, daddeh!”

Daddeh said he had you from when you were just a chirpeh babbeh. But you remember little things about your mummah…she smelled like gwassies, she had the pwettiest voice…

“Pwease daddeh! Duffy nu am babbeh nu mowe, mummah be proud of Duffy an wuv Duffy! Wan see mummah!” you beg.

Daddeh looks at you with a weird face. Then he sighs again. “Ok Duffy. I’ll call the shelter I got you at and see if she’s still there. No promises though, ok?”

You smile and cheer! “Tank yu daddeh! Yu am bestest daddeh evah!” You run to give daddeh huggies but he quickly looks away and carries his nummie bowl to the sink. Siwwy daddeh, you just wanted to give him huggies! You hum happily as daddeh puts on the rest of his not-fluff. You don’t want to be alone today, but at least you’ll have so much fun tomorrow!

But daddeh doesn’t leave. Instead, he picks you up and carries you to his metal munstah! “Daddeh wat doin?! Duffy go to wowk wif daddeh?! Yay!” you exclaim.

“We’re gonna do something new Duffy. You’re going to Playgroup. There’s other fluffies there, and lots of toys. I want you on your best behavior. Got it?” Daddeh explains.

Other fluffies? You haven’t seen other fluffies since you were a babbeh! “YAY! Duffy WUV uddah fwuffies!” you cheer. You’re going to make so many new friends! You wiggle your weggies in the seat and sing happy fluffy songs until the metal munstah stops.

Daddeh takes you inside and shakes not-hoofsies with a mummah-hoomin. You look around. The walls are covered with pictures of happy fluffies hugging and playing tag and playing with blockies! You feel biggest happies in your heawt; you’ll be one of those fluffies soon!

Daddeh hands you to the mummah-hoomin. She’s warm, and gives you head scwatchies. You smile and nestle in her arms. Daddeh shakes not-hoofsies with the mummah-hoomin again goes back to the metal munstah, while the mummah-hoomin carries you down a hall.

“Hi Duffy, I’m Cindy,” she smiles as you bounce in her arms. “Your dad wants you to try playgroup today, and see if you like it. If everything works out, you’ll get to come here every day and play with the other fluffies. But today we need to assess you, so we have to keep you separate from the other fluffies, at least for today. You can still talk to them, but no touching. It’s only for a day though, I’m sure you’ll be fine!” she glows.

You nod your head. “Ok, Duffy wiw be bestest fwuffy. Wuv nice wady! Wuv Duffy?”

The mummah-hoomin laughs. “Of course Duffy! We’re all about love! I’m sure you’ll make lots of new friends today!”

You smile and coo happily. Things are good when you’re a fluffy!


Duffy’s owner parks his car outside the shelter. He eyes the crumbling building with disdain. He bought Duffy at this place a year ago for a clean 25 cents. And now it was Duffy that brought him back. He steels himself and enters the shelter. The inside isn’t too shabby; there’s a bit of mold in the corners but otherwise it looks clean.

He recognizes the receptionist as the same young man who sold him Duffy. Not that it matters, but it must suck to deal with fluffies every day for a year. He walks up to the desk.

“Hi, I’ve got a bit of an odd request, and I was wondering if you could help me?”
The young man looks up. “I’ll do my best. What do you need?”

“I bought a foal a year ago from this place and apparently tomorrow is his birthday…he wants to see his mother. I understand he was born here, is there any chance she’s still here?”

The young man looks thoughtful. “Well it’s possible. We haven’t gotten rid of many mares this year surprisingly. What color and style is your foal?”

“He’s a gray unicorn with a dark green mane.”

The receptionist nods. “Only ever had one mare like that. And we do still have her…but I don’t think your fluffy is going to like her when he sees her.”

The owner cocks his head. “Why not?”

The receptionist mumbles something to the owner, who purses his lips.

“You know what, I’ll take her anyway. My fluffy’ll never shut up if I don’t come through. How much?”

The owner walks out of the shelter, 10 cents poorer than before, this time with a fluffy huddled under his arm. He heads home to hide the fluffy, then reluctantly gets back in the car. Duffy should be done by now.


The mummah-hoomin sets you down in a see-through box in the middle of a room. You gasp as you look around. There are fluffies of all different colors playing and laughing together! In the corner, a big red soon-mummah sings to her tummy babbehs, while a blue stallion brings her kibble. There’s more blockies around the room than you could ever hope to play with, and there’s even a nappy place where a bunch of fluffies are huddled in a fluff pile. Your mouth opens in awe; you’ve never seen anything like this!
The mummah-hoomin stands in the middle of the room. “Fluffies, listen!” she shouts. All the fluffies gallop over to her and sit happily. Some notice you in the see-through box and smile joyfully. You wave shyly. The mummah-hoomin continues, “This is Duffy. He’s new, and he’s going to be your new friend. Now I want you all to play nice and make sure you give lots of love. Alright?”

“Yes mummah, fwuffies wuv nyu fwend!” the fluffies all cheer. As the mummah-hoomin leaves, all the fluffies come up to your box and start making friends! There are too many names for you to remember, but you’re so happy! You wish you could give huggies and play, but that’ll happen tomorrow. TOMORROW! Something clicks in your pea-sized brain.

“Nyu fwends! Tomowwow am Duffy biwfday!” you exclaim. The fluffies all gasp and whisper excitedly. You smile. “Nyu fwends can aww come to Duffy biwfday! Wuv nyu fwends!” you yell happily. The fluffies cheer and come up one by one to talk to you. This is the best day ever!

You make lots of nyu fwends that day. You didn’t get to leave your box but you’re really sleepy anyway. Daddeh picks you up after most of the other fluffies have gone home. He hands the mummah-hoomin some paper, and she smiles and nods. Daddeh doesn’t smile back though…he looks saddies. He shakes his head and whispers something to the mummah-hoomin. She opens her mouth, then closes it and nods. Daddeh picks you and carries you to the metal munstah. The mummah-hoomin waves at you as you go. You sleepily wave back as she fades into the distance…

BIRTHDAY DAY

Your eyes pop open. It takes you a minute to remember why you’re so excited, then you remember…it’s your birthday! You wiggle out of bed, and eagerly rush to the litterbox for mowning poopies. You’re so caught up in your excitement that you don’t even notice your poopies missing the box and splattering on the floor. Your nyu fwends are going to come play with you on your birthday! And daddeh will give you all sketties and huggies and you can all watch Fluff TV and open presents and…

You gasp out loud and grin. “Mummah am comin’” you whisper to yourself. You giggle excitedly and remember her scent and her voice. You can’t wait for those again!

You gallop out to the kitchen, eager to see your birthday room. As you near the kitchen, you close your eyes in excitement. You jump into the kitchen and open your eyes with a smile. “Daddeh! Duffy wuv pwetty bawoo…”

You smile freezes on your face. As you gaze at the kitchen your heawt starts to make saddie wawas. There are no toys, no ribbons, no banners. There are no pretty colors or cheers. The room is just as dull and beige as always, except for a single sagging ballon that reads “Over the Hill!” tied to a chair. Daddeh is sitting in his chair with his paper like always, and doesn’t notice you. You feel saddie wawas come to your see-places, and your lip trembles. This isn’t at all what you expected.

You walk over to daddeh and sadly nuzzle his weggie. “G-g-gud mowning sniff daddeh,” you whimper. “D-D-Duffy wuv…pwetty bawoon…huuhuuuhuuuuu.”

Daddeh looks down. “Morning. Happy birthday. Breakfast is by the sink.”

You raise your head. “Tank yu dadddeh,” you say and dash over to your bowl. It’s time for sketties! You reach the bowl and peer inside, but instead of a steaming pile of nummie sketties, there’s only icky kibble. You feel the saddies return, and your heawt gives you biggest huwties. You sadly munch on your kibble, imagining the taste of sketties. It feels like it’s been so long since you had them. Your saddie wawas fall into your kibble, making it soggy and icky. You choke down the last few bites and curl up on the floor. You don’t feel happies anymore…

You hear a knock at the door. Daddeh gets up and opens it up. You perk up your head…it must be one of your fluffy fwends from group here to celebrate your birthday with you! You eagerly clap your hoofsies as daddeh opens the door and it’s…a hoomin. You peer out around daddeh’s weggies, looking for your fluffy fwends.

There isn’t a fluffy in sight. The heawt huwties come back, and you shuffle sadly back to the kitchen. You hear daddeh talking to the other hoomin, as you look up at your balloon. It’s almost flat, barely floating above chair.

“Wuv yu Mistah Bawoon…why meanie tings happen to Duffy on Duffy biwfday? Nu faiw! Jus wan happies! Why nu have happies Mistah Bawoon? Biwfday shud be speshow fo aww fwuffies,” you sniffle.

The balloon doesn’t answer you. You sadly curl up underneath the chair. “Huuuuuu…huuuu…”

Daddeh and the hoomin walk to the kitchen. The hoomin is a mummah-hoomin like the one at play, but with dark head-fluff and a brown body. She doesn’t look happy to see you. You curl up tighter and whimper…hoomins should love and give huggies fluffies, but you don’t think this one does. It gives you big scawdies…but at least daddeh loves you.

“Duffy, this is Consuela. She’s going to keep an eye on you today,” Daddeh says tiredly.

“B-b-but daddeh…wat about fwuffy fwends?!”
“Duffy, there’s no playgroup today! It’s Saturday,” Daddeh sighs.

“B-but fwuffy fwends aww comin to Duffy biwfday! Duffy an fwuffy fwends gon pway an giv huggies an make wawmie fwuffy piyow fo nappies an…an num sketties!” you cry.

Daddeh frowns and says something you don’t understand to the lady. “Ok Duffy, your…fluffy friends can be here while I’m gone as long as they behave. You need to obey Consuela like you would me. Understand?”

You sniffle. “Yes daddeh, Duffy pwomise be gud fwuffy an fwends be gud tu!”

“Good.” Daddeh takes something off the table. “Here, this is for you.” It’s a little pink party hat, shaped like a cone and decorated with sparkles. You smile as daddeh fastens the string under your chin.

“Tank yu Daddeh. Duffy wuv pwetty hattie!” you giggle. You must look so smart with your fancy birthday hat!

Daddeh shuts the door. You look up at the lady. She glares down at you, folding her arms. Nervously you extend your weggies. “N-nice wady giv huggies to Duffy? It am Duffy biwfday, wan huggies and happies!”

The lady scowls. “Escúchame floofy. I am boss. No hugs. You hungry, eat kibble. You make poop, you clean. Entiendes?”

The lady turns and walks down the hall, slamming the door behind her. You’re left sitting in the kitchen with your leggies still out for huggies that you will never feel. You lower your head sadly, until you remember…yes! Your fluffy fwends should be here soon! You scamper to the door and plop down excitedly in front. You make sure your pretty birthday hat is straight and wiggle your leggies in excitement. Your fluffy fwends will soon be by to play with you and give you huggies and presents and then you’ll have biggest happies and Daddeh will have happies and…and…

Hours pass. Your tummy makes angry noises but you don’t want to move and miss your fluffy fwends!

You stare at the door, waiting for a knock. Waiting for a scratch. For your fluffy fwends to pile inside and make your birthday the best birthday ever with huggies and sketties and happies.

The knock never comes.

Finally you hang your head and make biggest saddie wawas that roll down your face and stain your pretty gray fluff. You’ve never felt heawt huwties like these. “HUUUUUU…why fwuffy fwends nu wuv Duffy? Duffy nu do nuffin wong! DUFFY AM GUD FWUFFY! WHY NUBODY WAN WUV DUFFY? WAN HUGGIES…huuhuu…pwease…jus wuv Duffy…”

You slowly walk back to the kitchen. You look up at Mister Balloon, hanging even lower than before. “M-m-Mistah Bawoon sniff w-wuv fwuffy? G-giv huggies?” you sob. Mister Balloon still doesn’t say anything. “D-Duffy wiw giv huggies to Mistah Bawoon…make evewyting bettah…huuuuu” You reach up and pull Mister Balloon into your leggies and squeeze. Mister Balloon doesn’t feel good, but huggies always make everything better! You squeeze and squeeze and…

BANG

“NUUUUUUUU! MISTAH BAWOON! PWEASE NU TAKE SWEEPIES MISTAH BAWOON! DUFFY SOWWY! NUUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUU! DADDEHHHHHHHHHH!”

You collapse in a ball, sobbing and making biggest saddie wawas. Then you smell something icky. You look up with saddie wawas in your eyes and see that you accidentally made scaredy poopies from the noise. You gasp. Your pretty birthday hat that Daddeh gave you is lying in your icky poopies!

“Nuuuuu! Hattie pwease nu be icky poopies! Duffy wuv hattie!” you cry. You fumble with your hoofsies and manage to lift it out of the poopies. You look at the mess in your hoofsies and your lip trembles. Your beautiful birthday hattie from Daddeh is completely covered in your poopies.

“Huuu…am sowwy Hattie…” you whimper. You lean down and lick your poopie hattie. You shudder. It’s the ickiest thing you’ve ever tasted in your life. You force yourself to lick Hattie clean of your poopies until you can’t take it anymore. You collapse, sobbing. Your hat is still covered in poopies, the pretty pink and sparkles completely covered by the icky yellow-brown filth.

“Am so sowwy Hattie…” you murmur. Your heawt has such big huwties, all you want are huggies for the rest of your life. And then you remember.

“Mummah…mummah am comin.”

You finally hear daddeh open the door. He says something to the meanie lady, and then she leaves. Daddeh comes over to you and freezes.

“Duffy, what the hell happened!?” Daddeh asks angrily, looking at the mess.
“D-Daddeh! Duffy hav biggest saddies an heawt huwties! Nyu…nyu fwuffy fwends nu wuv Duffy an Mistah Bawoon took fowevah sweepies an…an…”

You can’t finish. The meanie lump is back, and your eyes are filled with so many saddie wawas you could drown in them. Daddeh frowns and shakes his head.

“I…how about I give you your present? Would that help?”

sniff D-Duffy w-w-wuv yu Daddeh…huuuhuuuu…”

Daddeh leaves the room and you begin to feel excited. You sniff. Huggies are always the best thing for saddies, and mummahs always give the best huggies…so your mummah is going to make everything ok!

Daddeh comes back into the room, and he has a big box with him! You’re so excited you almost smile, but your heawt still has biggest huwties. Still, you wiggly eagerly as daddeh puts the box in front of you.

“Now Duffy…your mother is in here, but…” he starts, but you’re already tearing off the ribbon. You don’t notice Daddeh shaking his head and sighing. Finally the box is open and you tip it over.

“Mummah!! Am heaw! Yu am mummah! Wuv yu so much mummah!” you cry.

But what you see is worse than anything you’ve felt all day.

Inside the box is a mare that looks just like you. But instead of a healthy coat, her fluff is matted and tangled. Her milky places are swollen up way bigger than they should be. But worst of all…her leggies and see places are completely gone.

“M-m-mummah?” you whimper.

The mare turns her eyeless stare to you. She opens her mouth, and you can see her toothies are all gone. But instead of the soft, happy voice you remember, all that comes out is a low, terrifying gurgle.

You can feel your heawt break in your chest. There’s nothing worse than this. You can’t even make saddie wawas. You just sob and cry silently into your fluff.

You see something move out of the corner of your see place. You look up and see daddeh. Daddeh picks up mummah and gently places her back into the box. She doesn’t struggle, hanging limply in daddehs not-hoofsies and gurgling quietly. You squeeze your see places shut as daddeh slides the lid back on. As you hear the soft click, you feel the saddie wawas dripping onto your hoofsies. You hear footsteps coming closer and closer, until they stop in front of you.

You open your see places and slowly look up, eyes wawa-ing. Daddeh stands above you, with a weird look on his face. You’ve seen it just once, on the face of another fluffy as daddeh was taking you home for the first time. It’s saddies but…something more.

“D-daddeh…daddeh…Duffy sniff nee huggies,” you whimper.

Daddeh turns away from you.

“Duffy…I…I’m sorry. For all that I’ve done. I should never have taken you home. Given you all of this, because…”

Daddeh hangs his head. You think you hear a sniff. Daddeh is saddies! The saddie wawas come back to your see-places…even with the worst birthday ever, somehow you feel like daddeh has bigger saddies.

You raise your head. “Huu…Duffy wuv yu daddeh…huu…”

Daddeh slowly turns around and looks right at you. “I know you do. But I don’t love you. I was so lonely…I thought a fluffy would be perfect. And for a little while, you were.”

Daddeh sighs.

“You grew bigger Duffy, but that’s all. You don’t change. You have no spirit. If I gave you spaghetti right now, I bet you’d be happy like nothing bad ever happened. But it’s my own fault for forgetting…you’re not an animal. You’re not even a pet. You’re a toy, programmed like a machine. I don’t want a machine, I want a companion.”

“N-nu…nu am toy daddeh…am yo fwuffiest fwuffy,” you sob. “Duffy so wuv yu daddeh! P-pwease, jus wan huggies…huuuuuu…nu wan saddies nu mowe…”
Daddeh shakes his head.

“I’m sorry Duffy. I really am. I’ve tried so hard to love you like I’d love a dog or a cat. I wanted you to have playgroup and your birthday so you could be happy one more time…and maybe seeing you happy would finally show me how to love you. But I just can’t.”

“D-daddeh pwease! Pwease! Duffy so wuv yu! Be bestest fwuffy!” you cry.

Daddeh’s face still has that same, big saddies look.

“I’ll return you to the shelter tomorrow , along with your mother. They said they’d take you back and put you up front…maybe you’ll get a new family that loves you.”

Daddeh turns and walks out. At the last second, he turns and looks back at you. And you realize…that look on his face is defeat.

“Happy birthday, Duffy.”

You’re left sitting in your poopie puddle, soaking into your fluff. You can hear your mummah gurgling inside her box. Somewhere, your fluffy fwends are curling up into bed after their dinner. Your pretty party hat lies next to you, soggy and brown. The remains of your balloon are scattered across the floor, just visible in the dying light of the day.

You curl up and cry yourself to sleep.

83 Likes

Huge thanks to @anon86703525 for digging this one up after I gave up trying to find it.

4 Likes

This is AWESOME sadbox, very well written. I don’t like my own birthday due to a very bad experience once and decided it’s silly to place such importance on an arbitrary day, so this hits home a bit. I enjoyed it a lot, thanks for posting.

6 Likes

Love it.

I want to know where the fluffy got all these ideas about what a birthday was supposed to be. I would assume FluffTV.

The harsh reality of his mom being a breeder was great.

3 Likes

Urge… to hurt… Duffy’s owner… rising…

Great sadbox though.

Still would like to punt the owner in the nuts.

8 Likes

Self-aware apathy and an attempt to avoid the unavoidable lack of care.

It’s… it’s absolutely delicious

8 Likes

Glorious! I love good sadbox

2 Likes

That one hurt

3 Likes

Safety precautions? In a fluffy daycare?!1 What dystopian joyless timeline is this

4 Likes

damn that’s… that kicked my feelings and destroyed my mood. Amazing job. Just the best amount of fluffy innocence and ruined expectations
Now I need some hugbox lmao

1 Like

Best get rid of Duffy before he actually hurts him worse.

alternate ending to the comic?

If you mean the Wolfram comic, he made that based on this story. If there’s another comic I haven’t seen it, but would love to.

1 Like

Neat to learn, didn’t know it was based on anything.

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Yessir, I was surprised and very flattered that he enjoyed the story enough to illustrate it. I would have loved to try and collab with him back in the day but never ended up reaching out ;_;

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I’m sure I’m going to sound like a sociopath, but if I had to choose between a fluffy and an actual animal, I would still hear a programmed fluffy.
Fluffy at least understands when you’re scolding him for something.
My fucking cat, even after neutering and trying all types of litter, she still piss on the doormat.
Fucking shitrat. :sweat:

1 Like

Holy hell this story is so good! It’s dark without being edgy, sad without being sappy and paced perfectly. Great job!

A well crafted story, neither spiteful nor harsh, an understanding between a Owner and a fluffy’s expectations not being met for both.