Daddeh called it a “Roomba”, Mummah and Barbie called it a “Scawy suckie munstah”. You called it your warhorse.
After a very loud incident involving the Roomba’s vacuum, Barbie’s tail, and a trail of brown shit, your mummah and sister stayed well away. Even Janice kept her distance, not scared, just didn’t like it.
You kept your distance too at first. Observing it, watching it move around the floor. After a few hours of watching it wander aimlessly, bumping into walls and furniture, you decided to get a closer look. Maybe this thing wasn’t as smart as it seemed. You were right.
You spent the day on top of the Roomba, riding it around the house. A few times you almost fell asleep, until a bump into the wall woke you. This time though, it wouldn’t be a bump.
Your eyes opened, you jerked yourself up, looking around. Mummah stood near you, angry.
“Monstah wet go ob babbeh!”
You rolled your eyes, and simply sat.
“Gonna gib biggest huwties!”
Barbie cowered next to her, “Bawbie scawed!” She was getting bigger, you both were. Add to that, mummah hadn’t been giving you as many milkies lately. More often you had to subsist on kibble, which was becoming easier with your teeth hardening.
Mummah herself charged forward, for once startling you. You jumped off the Roomba just as Mummah crashed into it.
“BAD MUNSTAH GET HUWTIES!” She started hitting it with her hoof. “Sowwy hoofsies!”
“Go mummah!” Barbie yelled.
What was happening? You were having a good time riding around on the machine, and now she had to ruin it. For the first time in a long time, you yelled.
“MUMMAH! IS NU MONSTAH!”
She turned around to look at you as the Roomba sped away.
“Is munstah! Awmost eat babbeh!”
“Is nu munstah! Is woomba! Is wat daddeh caww it!”
“Daddeh was dumb ugwy poopie!”
You had been talking about new daddeh, the one you lived with now. But somehow she seemed to associate anything bad with your old daddeh, original daddeh.
“Daddeh nu ugwy poopie! Meanie hoomin paint him bwown!” You wanted to slow down, but the words had started coming, and they didn’t stop. “Daddeh twy to find us homsies but yuo mak daddeh go ‘way! Wen bawkie munstah com yuo wan wit bestest babbeh an weft us! Daddeh cam bac! Daddeh go foweba sweepies so Dweam and Gween bwuddah nu go foweba sweepies! Yuo bad mummah!”
A moment of silence followed, mummah’s eyes grew watery, then angry.
“Stoopie babbeh! Am wowstest babbeh! Wowstest babbeh get sowwy hoofsies!”
She brought down her hoof. You dodged. You were a bigger fluffy now, one that couldn’t be pushed around.
“Dummeh babbeh! Get hoofsies!” She struck a few more times, you dodged. Barbie only watched, taking a step back.
“Sweetheart! Barbie! Dream! Mumma and daddy are home!” It was Daddeh.
“Mummah and daddeh back!” Mummah said, all thought of you seemed to be forgotten.
“Yup,” Daddeh said as Janice picked up Barbie in her arms. “And guess what? I’ve seen you two lately, eating kibble out of the bowl like big fluffies! We’ll have a dinner tonight to celebrate your weaning, with sketties!”
You perked your head up. “Sketties!” Barbie cheered.
That night you dined yourself on the best thing you’ve ever had. Your first sketties. As you ate, you could barely hear daddeh talking on his phone somewhere else.
“…No, all weaned now. The mom I can bring you tomorrow, the yellow and pink one too… yeah I’ll keep the blue one around for Janice until we find another bunch…”
You didn’t care though, you were having the feast of your life. Mummah seemed to have forgotten the earlier incident, and that night all three of you went to bed with full tummies and sleepy eyes.
The next day, Mummah and sistah were gone.