The Fluffy Schooling Experiments (by Grim)

In the Nation of Hugsborg, fluffies have the same rights as humans. This includes the right to a public education.

The question of where to place the fluffies grade-wise, arose, and while the obvious thing to do was make a school for fluffies, the mayor of Hugsborg was VERY drunk that day, and so just lumped the fluffies with human children, although his assistant, who was actually just an abuser from Abuseville, managed to convince the mayor that test groups of adult fluffies (one smarty, one non-smarty male, one soon mummah, and one now-mummah with her foals) should be placed in every grade to see where they had the best results. These are the results-

Preschool: The fluffies proceeded to wander about the building, much to the delight of the human children with whom they played, and made fwends. Less endearing were the CONSTANT potty accidents, as the preschool called shitting on the floor, which were so numerous that the teachers did not have time to do anything at all except for move from spot to spot, cleaning fluffy shit. Largely unmonitered, the fluffies tried to establish dominance over the children, with a smarty unicorn bossing some of the smaller kids around, until one of them just flatly refused ‘gib smawty dat baww’, at which point the smarty sentenced the child to be a ‘poopeh hooman’ and tried to force her into a freshly dropped pile of fluffy feces. The little girl did not understand what the fluffy wanted of her, but when he tried pushing her toward the shit pile, she concluded that the fluffy wanted to roughhouse, and started wrestling the fluffy to a chorus of fluffy cries, screams, and bones breaking. Sally was very dissapointed when her new playmate didn’t want to play anymore, and so wandered off, leaving a paralyzed smarty with two broken legs and a collapsed lung to slowly die in a corner.

A now-mummah with tawkie babbehs on her back had made it to the multi-purpose area where two little boys met her, and decided that her foals were just the best toys ever. They were facinated by how the fillies and colts would shrilly beg as the boys moved their leggies around, discovering that the range of motion dramaticaly increased if they put just a bit more force behind wiggling them. One of the boys then had the bright idea of putting the now sobbing foals upon the ubiquitous small wooden toy cars and push them around like the foals were they themselves driving, despite none of them having more than two unbroken or dislocated leggies. Then, boys being boys, they decided to crash the foal-cars into each other until their new toys stopped making noise or moving. Being preschoolers, the kids then just wandered off, one tripping over and crushing the Mummeh who was a sobbing wreck as she tried to convince her babbehs to ‘nu fowevew sweepies’

The remaining two fluffies, an earthy male and a pegasus soon-mummah, made it as far as the arts and crafts section before the human children descended on them, covering the two in paint, crayon lines, marker, glue covered paper, and glitter, with the glitter that got in their eyes blinding both of them. Soon, one of the kids declared that the soon-mummah was now pretty, and gave her a big, tight hug, tight enough that the mare went into prompt labor, and sprayed out three slightly underdeveloped foals. But instead of caring for her new babbehs, the mummah was unceremoniously dropped to the floor, breaking her front leggies, as the child that had hugged her was FAR more interested in the red puddle with colorful chunks that the mare had just produced. Several of the children then started fingerpainting with the mixed amniotic fluid and blood, not knowing what it was and how gross that was. Some of the childeren even dragged the premature foals around on paper, using them as highly distressed, peeping, paint brushes.

The glitter covered stallion was the only surviver, although by day’s end he was blind and had a badly shattered spine from the children trying to ride him around like an actual horse.

Second Grade: Introduced into a proper classroom, the fluffies were distributed throughout, with each of the adults being at a different four person table. The teacher started by asking all the children to introduce themselves to the fluffies, which happened without issue, and the fluffies to introduce themselves as well, which went well enough, if all four of them saying ‘Hewwow, Fwuffy am cawed Fwuffy’ can be called going well. The teacher then transitioned smoothly into the day’s math lesson, with all of the children following along on worksheets, and the fluffies even managing to also take notes (read: scribble wildly to fill up the page) thanks to the pencils held on their front hoof by a rubber band. The fluffies were having such a good time, that when one suddenly defecated loudly, both he and the other three were so startled that they all violently emptied their bowels. One explanation of why we ask the teacher when we have to go potty later, and the teacher decided the class would have an early lunch and recess, while he stayed behind to disinfect the classroom once he had disposed of the four large mounds of semi-liquid fluffy shit.

At recess, the male pegasus was extatic to learn how to jump rope, even if the children were being nice and moving the rope beneath him as he lifted one leg at a time.

The now-mummah and the soon-mummah sat in a circle with the other girls, pretending to know what they were gossiping about. This actually went fairly well, until the soon-mummah was directly asked how many babies she was going to have. Soon-mummah decided the best way to find the answer was to give birth then and there, and after counting to two, convinced the human children to shove her underdeveloped foals back into her vagina so they could ‘finish gwowing an den cum out wen dey weady’

Finally, the smarty spent nearly all of recess sobbing and begging to be freed from the sowwy bocks after he had wandered over to a corner of the school building proper, and was unable to escape from it until a teacher turned him around when it was time to go back to class.

Back inside, every human and every fluffy took their seats, settling down. Amazingly, the now-mummah had managed to bring nearly half of her foals back inside, and one of them was even still alive. The teacher then taught the class about the history of Hugsborg, although the lesson was rather short, as the nation of Hugsborg was less than a year old. This concluded the school day.

At the end of the day, all four fluffies were still alive, although the soon-mummah would soon die from sepsis from the rotting of her birthed-and-then-unbirthed babbehs, and the smarty starved to death after getting his face stuck in one of the cubby holes in the coat room.

Eighth Grade: The fluffies were all late to their homeroom for first period, as they had gotten lost on the way there. To their credit, they had had the wherewithal to ask for directions upon realizing they were lost. Unfortunately, they had decided to ask for directions from a mural of Derryl the Slavic Toad, the school’s mascot. Once they were properly situated, the homeroom teacher, who taught math, started the days lesson. The period was going well for a while, with the fluffies diligently scribbling in pen all over their math textbooks, until the earthy stallion suddenly started convulsing and foaming at the mouth, before slumping forward, motionless except for two thin streams of smoke rising from his ears. Looking at what the lesson had just covered, the teacher announced, “Oh dear, it would seem that the quadratic formula was too much for one of our furry little friends.”

After stopping in the middle of their passing period to berate the painting of Darryl for making them late earlier, the fluffies made it their next class, English, and astonishingly enough, they were even on time. The first order of buisness was to hand in yesterdays homework. However, since none of the fluffies had the previous day’s homework they decided, after a quick brainstorming session, to each hand in one of the now-mummah’s cherpie foals. The teacher, who was not paid enough to deal with anything other than silent reading time that day, just put the chirping foals in her desk drawer along with the rest of the class’s homework assignments.

At gym class the teacher, who, coincidentally was the mayor’s secret fluffy abuser of a secretary, had the class take a short walk to the bowling alley across the street, where they practiced bowling while the teacher tried to cure his hangover with some hair of the dog, although based on the amounts of hair and dog involved, it might have been more accurately called shag carpet of chewbacka. While the other students were bowling, the smarty picked a argument with one of the bowling balls, which was handily winning the discussion. After a few minutes, the smarty decided to punctuate one of its points by shoving the bowling ball, although this only caused the ball to bounce off the wall behind it. The smarty only had sixty-two seconds to react, but realized the danger he was in at the last instant, turning and running from the ball. In a straight line. In the direction the ball was going. Legend has it smarty is still running, forever fleeing the bowling ball like a tiny Sisyphus.

By the end of the day, the soon-mummah was getting antsy seeing as how she had yet to miscarry and the school day was almost over. This soon developed into a full-blown panic, and in her panic, she ran blindly, eventually ending up in the school cafeteria, where she fell into the deep fryer, and finally, mercifully, miscarried while being cooked alive and spraying shit everywhere. The cafeteria workers examined what was left, but concluded that deep fried fluffy mare and foals covered in deep fried fluffy diarrhea was a dish far closer to real food than could ever be allowed to come out of a school cafeteria, and so the whole lot was hastily disposed of by chucking it into the theater department’s costume store room.

The only fluffy to make it home that day was the newly re-labled was-mummah, who couldn’t help but feel like she had forgotten something at school.

Senior Year of High School: Seeing as how many high school seniors have their own cars and drive to school, the idea of giving the four fluffies a car and letting them make their own way to school was briefly considered before saner heads prevailed and the person who had come up with that idea was taken out back and shot. Once they were dropped off, the four fluffies quickly made their way to gymnasium, as there was a school assembly first thing that day. The students were reminded that the next period was going to be home room study hall, during which they were all expected to send out their school funded college applications, although the fluffies were exempt and sent to the library as “Fwuffy nu wowwy 'bout bad gwades, day nu can hewt Fwuffy cuz Fwuffy nu hab gwades at aww.” Unfortunately on their way to the library, the non-smarty male unicorn happened to glance at the door to the swimming pool and drowned where he stood. As for the library, the librarians later noted that the fluffies were very well behaved, running around, knocking things over, and spraying shit everywhere all in near complete silence.

The first actual school subject of the day was chemistry, where the fluffies duly arrived and were made to put on tiny, fluffy sized lab coats and safety glasses. The day’s activity was a demonstration of gummybears spontaniously combusting when dropped in molten potassium chlorate. The teacher showed the reaction several time, each time turning around and retreving more colorful gummy bears from a drawer. The now-mummah watched this, and concluded that since her foals were WAY better than the stupid gummy bears, they would make the human magic trick work WAY gooder. When the teacher next turned his back to get another gummy bear, now-mummah rushed forward the foot or so to the beaker of liquid KClO3 and quickly dropped her foals in, one at a time, tail first. “WOW, Babbehs am bwiteh den da yewwow sky baww!” The mare’s words of amazement along with the noise of the reaction proper, drowned out the frantic screams of foals feeling their flesh oxidizing to dust. The was-mummah then ran (fat wobbled) over to the drawer with the gummy bears where the teacher stood in stunned silence, having seen what the mare just did. “Nice teacha-mista, Pweas open da doow and wet bes mummah’s babbehs out- dey done wit da hooman magic twick nao, an babbehs nee miwkies.”

The next class would normally have been gym, but it was sex ed week, and so the fluffies followed the human students to the biology classroom, where some random “Young” adult in her mid forties, told the students about condoms, and handed each table a banana and four condoms to so they would have a chance to practice. At the table with the fluffies, however, the smarty ate the banana, and after a quick brainstorming session, they decided to just put the condoms on each other. So while the smarty sat upright, the other two held the condom in their teeth, and stretched it over the smarty’s head. Even though the smarty started dancing around like he was having a lot of fun the moment they released the condom to snap in place around his neck, neither the soon-mummah nor the was-mummah were able to pull the next condom over the other, and so they didn’t get to have ‘kon-dom dancies.’

The day’s final class, Home Ec, went pretty well, with the class practicing cooking. Here the entire class worked together to prepare Los Fluffys Hermanos (shown here ) although, after it was done, was-mummah couldn’t find ‘soon-mummah-fwen’ anywhere.

Only the was-mummah survived the day, having forgotten to die.

Conclusion: The assistant to the Mayor of Hugsborg nearly choked to death laughing at the video recordings of the fluffy schooling tests, as the experiments were now called. The assistant proceeded to sell the video tapes to the city of Abuseville for thousands of dollars, where they are now played, back to back to back, every Christmas morning.


don’t forget your name after the title

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Right! Thank you

At last, a decent use of our tax dollars in the field of education

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Seems like a lovely place.

I mean on some level that is an impressive amount of broken logic.


Now with a reading on youtube

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I love your absurdist humor. I would love to visit this universe as long as I could come back when I wanted lol

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