The Harwell Homestead p2 [by Luciferthefluffyreaper25]

Hey all here’s another chapter of my first story (Im always willing to listen to ideas and suggestions so gimme plenty!)
(Edit I may go back and turn these into first person but I am continuing through the story with 1st person perspective exclusively so sorry if this is rough but in the next chapter the perspective shifts to 1st person and is a lot more readable)

Atlas continued on his way holding the small chirping foal in his hands trying to be as gentle as he can with it, not having cared for any fluffy before he didn’t understand many of the things he should and while he knew Steven was a mad scientist type he did take care of fluffies for testing or he thought he did atleast. “Hey Steven I need a favor!” he shouted as he knocked on the front door. “Be right there!” A voice shouts from inside the shabby looking house. A few minutes later Steven emerges, his dirty labcoat covered in all sorts of stains with his hair in complete disarray. “ATLAS! What do I owe you this visit my friend?” He said with an excited tone. “Well I found this little guy after a feral herd went and shit on my car” Atlas said in an annoyed tone. “So why keep the little fuck just crush its skull like you would a normal shitrat” Steven said with a chuckle. “Yeah well this one is kinda different but i also wanna find its mok as its got some sparkly genes which could be cool to breed feral or not” Atlas explained. That seemed to get Stevens attention as he guided atlas to a medical room. As they continued to discuss Atlas’s feral herd issue Steven began to inspect the fluffy. “Well good news and bad news, which do you want first?” Steven asked as he started to put his examination equipment away. "Uh bad news?"Atlas said hesitantly. “Well you met the super herd that’s been giving all of us farmers trouble you just only met about 15 - 25% of the total herd and this fluffies parent is one of those smarties which that group has a ton of. In weird news uh your little guy is actually a little girl, and as for good news the foal seems to be in decent health as long as you feed and take decent care of it” he said. “Well about that I um don’t have any supplies for that…” Atlas said with a shrug. “Well your in luck bub cuz I got a decent amount of formula and some starter supplies so the poor thing doesn’t die but you’ll need to go to town to get the rest, just do not leave the thing alone fluffies are imfamous for kill themselves in any way they accidentally can” Steven said in a serious tone as he handed the soft foal back to Atlas. “Aye aye captain” Atlas said jokingly. After getting thr supplies from Steven, he started to head home and he began to notice the large baren patches in the nearby wooded areas and grassy land. He took note of that for later as he desperately needed to thin out the herd before they either eat eachother out of food as if he wanted to plant crops or have a garden at all he’d need to either get creative or remove a lot of those annoying fucks that shat on his car. As he approached his back door he began to heard slamming at his front door, so he quickly set up the small container for the foal he was holding and got it set up to eat and then went and looked through the peep hole. He was frankly annoyed as it most likely was a different herd as before but the same threat of sorry poopies if he didnt open up rang true with this fuck head too… But this time he had an idea to maybe send a message without being harm just yet~ Atlas sneakily exited his house via the backdoor slowly sneak around to the side of the house where his hose was attached, as he unlocked the hose sprayer and assembled it he peaked around the corner to get a good look at this “infestation” of his that he was dealing with, it had to be atleast 17 - 20 fluffies all huddled in front of his door waiting for him to open so they can charge in, there were many colors mixed among them but there was 1 that stood out out of all of them, a blue foal with sparkly wings that seemed to be sat atop the fluffy that was yelling at the door about giving sorry poopies if he didn’t give them his food and leave “their” land. “What a little prick lets see if we can change their tone~” he thought as he set the sprayer to the extreme setting so it’d be a strong direct beam. He then stepped out from around the side of the house and started to spray at the fluffies on his steps causing the herd to panic and loud Screeeeees and huhuhus followed as most of the fluffies dispersed peacefully leaving the smarty and a few of his “toughies” not that they looked to tough but weren’t smart enough to run from him. Now he had to see if that foal on the smarty who refused to move from in front of the door and figure out who the parents were to see if he could find his foals parents and to see maybe he could use them for a quick buck as those special ones do often sell well, but now he was left what to do with the stragglers… tbc

Hi all thanks for reading my story I wanna let the readers pick what happens next as I have two different ideas of how things could go with

(As a side note as well I may continue to write the series starting in first person as I feel super awkward writing in third all the time when I feel like I see everything through the main characters eyes)

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5 Likes

I mean, is a good start and all, but the format makes it a bit hard to read.
It could use a bit of punctuation and paragraphing, but in general the idea is fun and hooking.
As for the options… what kind of deal are we talking about, again?

3 Likes

Thanks for the feedback, I am trying to improve my formating as I go but I am famous for long run on sentences as my brain just spews ideas out and as for the options is for how the main character will handle the group of fluffies that were banging on his door and honestly i might just go with option 1 as of rn depending on how others react

1 Like

I think it looks great so far (i used to be on quotev, a very teenager central website for shitty fan fics so this kind of reading is easy on me) if you think one prospective is better than another for you then totally go for it.

I think it looks good so far, sets up some ideas, perhaps his friend made some genetically modified super smarties that escaped and thats why they are so bad, maybe hes trying to find a way to (similar to some bugs) make them sterile after mating to control the numbers, just boncing off ideas.

Heck you could probably do something where after trapping a bunch of the herd (kinda like hog trappers) he can take ones that are useful so hes got good breeding stock then get something like a fluffalo, has his friend inject it with a bunch of steroids, and use it like a guard dog to destroy parts of the herd, basically a more expansive version of option 1, thats just me though its completely up to you. I dont want you to think im pushing anything i just like to make suggestions.

2 Likes

Honestly i dont have any long term story goals im just writing for the fun of it but thanks for the ideas I may be using a variation of that in the future rn I’m thinking of adding a few cute but ferious fluffies into the herd and letting my brain run wild with that and with first person I feel the overall readability will improve by a lot cuz he saids gets tiring to write out lol

Of course, writing more you always find ways to improve and i always expect most of my suggestions wont be used or could be stored away for later, i just have a million ideas and little to no writing skills in order to do it myself. Still excited to see what you come up with though. I really like it!

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To be honest same here Ive just decided in order to channel my thoughts I’d just start writing, faking it till i make it in a sense!

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Sounds like a good plan, maybe ill need to take a stab at it at some point. Having dyslexia and ADHD along with bad self confidence issues i always decide ive failed long before i even try.

Honestly this community has helped me a lot with my fear of failure and letting out trauma in a nonviolent way. It always makes me so happy to see how well everyone responds to people trying to fit in and express something. Maybe i can be a little more brave and post something soon. Keep up the good work!

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Same here lol ive had awful adhd since i was a kid so trying to channel my thoughts often was like analyzing a raging storm in my head, honestly this community is very embracing and non-judgmental unless your doing morally wrong irl stuff but besides that everyones pretty dope!

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Absolutely, everyone is so nice and yeah people think wanting to hurt fluffies is bad but the thing is, they arent real, we are hurting something specifically not real rather than something real and most of the time it just gets out negative feelings, i dont know a single community more accepting and welcoming! Im more than proud to consider most of the other members here my friends and i wouldnt want to be anywhere else. Its kinda like watching people heal and explore in a safe way. Kinda like a destruction room

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