- The new mummah -
- written and illustrated by Carpdime
(continued from here )
Tap tap tap…
Is it morning already? Wiping the fog from your eyes, you roll your head to the side to see a small, lime green fluffy bouncing excitedly next to your bed. That clever little bastard, he’s learnt to use his hardening hooves to wake you up by tapping your bedside table.
“Daddeh! Wits bwight time awwready! Time fow nummies!”
You reluctantly sit up on your bed and look outside the window.
The fuck? It’s ink dark outside, must be like 3am in the morning.
“Avocado…” you say as you slink back into the covers. “It’s the middle of the night and daddy needs to sleep…”
Tap tap tap…
“Avo. What the hell do you want? Just go to sleep.”
“Awocado hav tummy huwties.”
“Go to sleep.”
“Nu wan sweepies. Wan nummies.”
You ignore him. Pulling the covers over your head to drown out the ever increasing tapping sounds.
Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap…
“Stop it Avocado!” you shout.
Silence…
God, finally some peace! You think to yourself.
“If daddeh giv Awocado a wittwe nummy, Awocado pwomise to go sweepies an be good fwuffy.”
You could hear the little fluffy shuffling against the bed, trying to climb up.
“Awocado am gwowing fwuffy…nee nummies to gwow big an stwong!”
The little bastard’s got a point. That cute looking chick living two doors down the hall who owned a pink fluffy with a purple mane kept reminding you to feed your fluffy constantly during the early growth spurts. That was before you carelessly mentioned that you bought Avocado from a seedy vending machine for a dollar fifty. That snob never looked you in the eye since.
“All right buddy.” You rolled out of the bed. “Let’s see what we got for you.”
Rummaging through the mess of half finished chilli sauces, mustard and pickles, you realize the situation was hopeless. Looking down at the expectant fluffy beside you, two big, hopeful eyes stare back at you. You sigh quietly and continue rummaging.
Ketchup…expired mayonnaise…really expired mayonnaise…what’s this? Bingo!
You take the big plastic tub out of the pantry and unscrew the lid. Following the instructions on the side of the tub, you pour out and mix a large bowl of ‘Beefcake Pro 5000’ protein shake. You put it on the ground next to Avocado.
He sniffs it once, circles the bowl and sniffs it again.
“What’s wrong buddy?” You ask nervously.
“Nummie nu am kibbwe nummie.”
“Yeah I know buddy. We’ve run out of kibble and the shops are closed. Be a good boy and eat it.”
The fluffy circles the bowl once more. “Otay daddeh. Awocado be gud fwuffy.” He replies meekly.
Ah warm bed. You’ve barely fallen asleep again before you were awakened again by another loud sound.
Buzz buzz buzz…
Fucking phone. Who the hell calls at…you glance at the clock on your bedside…6am in the morning?!
Oh. Hi mom.
Nope its OK. Yep you forgot the time difference…West coast and all…no I’m not skipping classes…I’m just having a rest day…ah ha…yes eating healthy…still going to the gym…body building…mom…I’m damn tired, talk later please? Say hi to dad for me.
By now it was impossible to go back to sleep. You jump out of bed for the second time today and head into the living room. It was a tiny living room, the dining table was flush against the wall. The only other space was occupied by the TV and Plehstation 5 where you’ve setup a sweet little man cave, beer fridge and all.
Underneath the dining table was Avocado’s domain. A pet bed you bought off PeeBay in puke green color because it was the cheapest. Avocado laid quietly on the bed. He was already awake, his sleepy eyes watching you as you poured yourself a cup of cold, day old coffee.
“Who yu tawkies to daddeh?” The little fluffy asked.
“Oh it was just my mom.”
“What is m…m…mom daddeh??”
You looked at Avo perplexed. Oh yeah. You suddenly remembered. Foal in a can.
“Well…mom is the person that gave birth to daddy. She took care of daddy when daddy was a little baby.”
“Mom is wike daddeh’s daddeh???”
You chuckle.
“Not quite little buddy.”
Avo crimped his eyes with a confused look.
“Whewe Awocado’s mom?”
You looked away in thought.
“Well…” You were careful not to hurt the little guy’s feelings. You knew enough about fluffies to not send them into an unbreakable cycle of crying.
“When you were a small baby, your mummah came to daddy and asked if daddy would take care of Avocado and feed you and play with you. Because you were such a good baby, daddy agreed to keep you!”
Avocado beamed.
“Awocado was gud babbeh! Daddeh pway wif Awocado an giv gud nummies! Daddeh am Awocado’s nyu mummah!!”
The green fluffy jumped out of his bed energetically and gave the biggest hug he could muster to your leg.
“Heh heh, sure buddy.” You scratched him on his mane which he really enjoyed.
“Daddy is your new and bestest mummah.”