Warning: read “Where Everybody Knows Your Name”, “Fluffy World; Work In Progress” and “Slices of Life” first. Spoilers for the Alien Invasion, Auldryn and Multiverse Sagas.
A few weeks after the multiverse as we know it almost came to an end, Dr. Erwin Stahlberg walks into the lobby of the Faucheuse Foundation.
After the mission to the Citadel of Calvins, Erwin was looking forward to getting back to the relatively mundane mission of diagnosing and treating sick and injured fluffies.
Compared to taking down two psychotic robots with the power of Omegas, regrowing a fluffy’s leggies after the fluffy was stupid enough to jump off the kitchen table is a trivial matter.
Fluffies have some feline DNA in them, but not enough to nail the landing.
Erwin’s first patient of the day is brought in by Miles and Quin.
As Calvin’s two protégés, they work together a lot, when Miles isn’t working with the Nerd Squad. Quin is stronger, but Miles is smarter.
Erwin privately thinks that if the two teens used the Bands of Merging together, Miles and Quin would be a force to be reckoned with.
The patient is a defeated looking white and yellow alicorn mare with blue eyes, visibly pregnant, and with several old wounds.
“Gott in himmel. Where did you boys find her?”
Miles explains, while carrying the mare to the Stahlskanner.
“Underground mill. They’ve been forcing Breeder-88 here to pump foals out non-stop. Yes, that’s what they named her. We think it’s part of a bloody fluffy black market.”
“Put her on there, let’s see how this pregnancy is coming along.”
Miles does so.
bzzz
Erwin looks at the screen, frowning.
“Oh my. She’s healthy, but the foals are already dead. Well, that’s what happens when you breed fluffies in such poor conditions. Such a shame. She’s got good colors, it could have been a nice litter. Breeder-88, we’ll have to give you a Bye Bye Tummeh Babbehs treat, I’m afraid. And a new name, too.”
The mare sighs sadly.
“Wuz nu Bweedew-Ate-Ate fiwst babbehs. Bweedew-Ate-Ate am yoost tu dis.”
“Well, we’ll try to adopt you out to someone who will let you keep your next litter. Hopefully, they’ll all be healthy. First, we need to get those foals out of you. My good friend Alex will take care of that.”
Erwin calls in Dr. Alex Ginger, who takes Breeder-88 to get her a miscarriage-inducing treat.
Erwin could have done it himself, but he needs to talk to Miles and Quin about something he doesn’t want the mare to hear.
As several mechanical arms descend to sanitize everything the mare touched, Erwin turns to the two boys.
“This is serious. It’s obvious who that mill was selling those foals to. Abusers. Ever since those anti-abuse laws were signed, the abusers in the state have been trying harder and harder to get away with it.”
Miles presents his theory.
“If it was just about abusing fluffies without legal consequences, they’d move somewhere else. I think they might wanna spite us. It’s bloody stupid. I just don’t get why some people are that obsessed with abusing fluffies.”
Quin shrugs.
“Probably because it provides them with an acceptable outlet for certain urges. And it doesn’t even work. Look at James. Bad James, not Nice James, I mean. Bad James spent hundreds of dollars on canned foals, but eventually he got bored of it and moved on to killing humans. I’d say anyone who enjoys abusing fluffies so much that they openly embrace the abuser label is a walking time bomb.”
Miles nods.
“But the mill was keeping records of who they were selling to. So now we’ve got a list of known abusers in the state. Val is cross-referencing it with our watchlist, along with the list of people banned from adopting from Flufftopia or the Foundation.”
Erwin smiles at the two boys.
“If we can shut down the black market altogether, that would be ideal.”
Miles grins mischievously.
“Well, we’re looking into it. Whoever’s behind it can’t escape the ChaotiX, we can go pretty much anywhere now. But we’ve gotta get going, Erwin.”
“Of course, there’s other fluffies who need a hero.”
Fifteen minutes after Miles and Quin leave, Xavier receives his next patient.
Xavier and Susan, bringing Binky, their pure white earthie stallion, in for a routine check-up.
Erwin places Binky on the Stahlskanner.
ping!
“Healthy as ever, Binky. So, you two, how’s business going?”
Susan beams happily.
“Good, good. Fluffy World’s opening weekend was a very successful one, and the Fluffigotchi is flying off store shelves faster than Cal can fly. We’re already working on new models with ChaotiX fluffies.”
“Binkee nu can wait tu see dat.”
So does Xavier.
“And Captain Fluffy: The Cold Times Toughy is looking to be another smash hit, just as I predicted.”
“Binkee fowt da pwot twist wuz am-ayy-zin.”
“Thanks, Binky. We’re thinking of starting a full-blown Fluffywood Cinematic Universe, y’know.”
“How about the wedding? Everything going according to plan?”
Susan nods.
“Of course. I’m thinking I might go for a black wedding dress. Everything looks good in black, Cal agrees with me on this. And it’s not the most unusual thing our family has done.”
“And it goes without saying that you’re invited, Erwin. You got a plus one?”
Erwin gives the couple a sly smile.
“Vielleicht tue ich das, vielleicht auch nicht.”
He’s well aware of Susan’s power to detect lies, and that statements that aren’t technically lies don’t set it off.
Susan chuckles much like her father does.
“Well played, Erwin. I didn’t feel a single twitch.”
Erwin’s smile becomes mischievous.
“You’d better make sure none of your competitors find out about that, Suzy.”
“Oh, I will. It’s common knowledge that I’m X-Positive, but which power I have isn’t. Most people assume I’ve got superintelligence like the rest of my family. I mean, I’m not stupid, but I grew up in a family of geniuses, years of working to keep up with Val made me sharper than most normos. Which is why I don’t clarify the matter of which power I have.”
“Speaking of Val, we’ve got to go talk to her later, she’s showing us the new upgraded power armors she’s putting together for us. I suggested putting His and Hers on them, but she just said they’re power armors, not bath towels.”
Erwin nods. The subject of power armors has reminded him of something.
“By the way, the Nerd Squad’s almost done building the Omega Buster.”
“Oh, nice, then we’ll have a spare.”
Susan rolls her eyes at her fiance’s remark.
“No, Xav, because when they’re done building it, Jack’s gotta go back to when he found it in the broom closet, and put it there.”
“Huh. That makes sense.”
The conversation is interrupted by Kool and the Gang’s Hollywood Swinging.
“Oop, sorry Suzy, I gotta take this.”
Xavier answers his phone.
“Hello? Hi, Dad. What? Oh. Well, that’s a shame. Tomorrow, then? Alright, see you then.”
He hangs up and turns to Susan.
“Dad can’t make it to dinner tonight, him and Gene need to interrogate a perp they just arrested, the Patrol thinks he’s tied to the Ganglion.”
“That alien gang?”
“Oh yeah, they’ve been trying to move in on Bertie’s turf since he died, and the Patrol’s been cockblocking them every step of the way.”
“God, I really had the worst brother. He was a dick to me when we were younger. And then he went and murdered my mother. And that wasn’t even because he hated me, it was just part of the sick game he was playing with Dad.”
Erwin gives Susan a reassuring smile.
“I know how you feel, Suzy. You know how bad my uncle was. At least Bertie wasn’t a Nazi, huh?”
“Yeah, but like Hans, he thought everyone on Earth was inferior to him.”
“True. They’d probably be the best of friends if they ever met.”
Not long after Xavier, Susan and Binky leave, Harry Kane, Seth’s father and owner of the eponymous Harry’s Place, brings in his fluffy Moe, who has several cuts on his face.
Moe is obviously in pain, but is trying to put on a brave face.
“Oh my. What happened to him?”
“Couple of drunks started a fight in my bar, one of them smashed a bottle, and it got in Moe’s face. Fortunately, it missed his eyes. Thank God.”
Harry puts Moe on the examination table, and Moe grins up at his owner.
“Dey am dummehs, huh daddeh? Stawt-in a fite in a baw dat da Kay-oh-ticks hang owt in.”
Harry nods sagely.
“Fortunately, Dwayne, Simone and Aziz had stopped in for a drink, so they put a stop to it real quick. They’re keeping an eye on the place, Dwayne’s got experience working in bars. I trust him.”
“If Dwayne jawb at Fwufftopia nu wowk owt, Dwayne cud wowk at da Pwace.”
The Place is a nickname for Harry’s Place.
Harry doesn’t like it.
“I wish people would stop calling it that. It makes it sound like some gaudy night club where young idiots pound vodka and Red Bull all night before puking it all up in the gutter.”
“Moe knu, but da nicknamesie haf stuk, daddeh.”
Erwin dabs at the cuts with regeneration gel. It’s exactly the same as the fluid used in the vats, but in gel form, and in a tube. The tubes are sold at Flufftopia, and Flufftopia’s No More Owwies regen gel performs better than any competing brand.
While more serious injuries require the patient being completely immersed in regen fluid, for minor cuts such as Moe’s, a few dabs of gel is enough.
“There, done. He’ll be fine, Harry.”
Harry lets out a sigh of relief.
“I was worried sick, Erwin. Hey, does that stuff work on humans?”
“Sort of. This specific kind is designed for fluffies, but there’s a version for human use, too. The ChaotiX has used a lot of it after each war.”
“Between that, all the magic, and that healing hands thing Cal copied from Tommy, we might as well be immortal now.”
“Well, we’re not, and we shouldn’t make assumptions like that. We can’t bring back the dead, so we still need to be careful.”
“Makes you wish Cal had kept that staff, huh?”
“Considering where its power came from, I can’t say that would have been a good idea. It would probably make him as crazy as Chaos. I mean, I like the guy, but Chaos is kind of crazy.”
A jar of cotton balls on a nearby shelf unscrews itself, and one of the cotton balls jumps out, lands on the examination table, and speaks in a cheerful, flamboyant voice.
“I really can’t deny that, Erwin. For the record: I might be crazy, but I’m not unreasonable. And I like you too. Any friend of my dear Harbinger is a friend of mine.”
Nobody in the room reacts as if this is unusual. On occasion, Harry and Moe have heard one of the coasters in their bar speak in the same voice, admonishing anyone who doesn’t put their drink on the coaster.
Erwin is suddenly reminded of something.
“There’s a question I’ve been meaning to ask you since the Citadel, Chaos.”
“What’s that, dear Erwin?”
“Is there a separate version of you in each timeline, or is there only one Chaos across every timeline?”
The cotton ball chuckles.
“Yes.”
Erwin realizes that that’s the only answer he’s going to get to that question.
Harry and Moe take their leave.
When they get home, they’ll discover a keg of finest beer in their living room, that wasn’t there when they left.
And then they’ll discover that the keg refills itself when nobody is looking.
And that the beer is rainbow-colored.
Ten minutes after Harry and Moe leave, Kyle Jones, illusionist, carries in a basket of foals.
Kyle is wearing a tie dye battle suit, with a cartoon alien head on the back.
“Another orphan litter, Kyle?”
Kyle sighs sadly.
“Yup. Their mom got knocked up by the stallion next door, and the owner really didn’t like that, dude. Why do owners still let their fluffies watch FluffTV, man?”
“I couldn’t tell you, Kyle. What did you do with the owner?”
“Created an illusion, obviously. He thinks he’s covered in fire ants right now. Last time I saw him, he was rolling around on the floor screaming.”
“You are going to break the illusion, right?”
Kyle grins cheekily.
“When he says he’s sorry, I will.”
Erwin places the foals on the Stahlskanner one by one, getting a ping! every time.
“They’re all healthy. Groovy.”
“Yes, we do seem to get lucky in that department.”
“You guys got anyone who can take 'em in?”
Erwin nods.
“The Warriors Four just brought in a nice couple the other day. Their owner got drunk and decided to find out if she could make a foal smoothie.”
“Yeesh. I gotta ask, did it work?”
Then Erwin shakes his head.
“The bones broke the blade. Foal bones aren’t that hard, but it was a cheap, old blender.”
“So now the bitch doesn’t have fluffies or a blender.”
“But on the bright side, it turns out that fluorescent orange is definitely her color.”
As Kyle laughs at that, Erwin calls Rosa in to move the foals.
While Kyle and Rosa chat, Erwin notices some definite chemistry going on there.
And he happens to know that they’re both single. Even though Rosa is very attractive, and thus very desirable by men in the city, and some of the women, too, she’s too smart to fall for sleazy pick-up lines, and seems to appreciate that Kyle doesn’t try that shit.
Erwin smiles to himself as Kyle and Rosa leave.
As Erwin makes his way to the lobby, intending to go to Starbucks, he sees James Oldman walking into the lobby through another corridor, chatting to his father Leslie.
James is holding a carrier, with a black and red earthie colt sleeping inside.
“I had a fluffy just like this guy back in my timeline, Dad. Snaggletooth, I called him.”
“What happened to him?”
“I’m only saying it because Eddie is asleep and can’t hear it: that Demon Marley used Snaggletooth as an enfie toy. You ever seen what happens when a demon cums inside someone? Because I have. It’s not pretty, Dad.”
“I’ve seen Dave’s FluffTube videos, so I can honestly say that yes, I’ve seen what happens.”
“His latest one is hilarious. I don’t know how Slayer can top raping himself.”
“Well, you know what Slayer says.”
The father and son speak as one as they walk out.
“Special huggies find a way.”