Note: read “The Day My Powers Arrived” first.
It’s been a while since fire came out of your hands for the first time, the day that you started your new… job.
Training has been intense. Fortunately, by now, you’ve got the hang of your new, ah, skills. Other than an incident when Victor walked in at just the wrong time, and he wound up covered in the entire contents of a fire extinguisher, things have been going smoothly. Pierre has told you that you’re not ready to work out in the field yet, and you agreed, especially after what you had accidentally done to Victor.
Victor didn’t even seem to mind. He said he can’t even feel pain anymore.
Yikes.
Fortunately, the commute is a breeze.
blip
You appear in the alleyway behind your apartment building. Pierre has asked you not to use the blipper in public if you can avoid it. It’s keyed to your biometrics, so if anyone steals it, they won’t be able to use it. Victor’s said that there’s a trick to using it out in the open without anyone seeing you, and that he’ll teach it to you soon. After your training with Drake is done, he insisted.
Your friends and fluffies have kept their word, and are obediently keeping the secrets that you’ve all learned. Victor knows how to make a point. Though, to be fair, the fluffies might not even remember what secrets they’re supposed to be keeping. It was a lot for you to take in.
Dave is pretending that the whole thing was just a bad acid trip he was having that day. You’ve never even seen him drop acid. Victor says he doesn’t care what Dave thinks, as long as he keeps his mouth shut. You said that you’re glad that you and Victor are finally on the same page.
You put the blipper away and head inside, and get into the elevator.
It’s been a good few forevers since daddeh first started doing the buwnie thing, and started his new jawb.
He walks into the wiving woom.
“Hey Jude.”
Your mummah rolls her see-places, you don’t know why, but she’s happy to see daddeh. You are, too.
“How was… work?”
“Accidentally set Victor on fire. He barely even noticed until I pointed it out.”
“That guy scares the shit out of me.”
“You and me both, babe. You and me both. But honestly, once you get to know him, he’s not that bad. I think he actually likes us. He said that if he didn’t like us, he wouldn’t be talking to us at all. And he’s always nice to Scarface. So I’m pretty sure that the scary tough guy thing is mostly an act, but still, he’s an immortal killing machine, so I’m trying not to piss him off.”
You found out recently that mistah Victor and Scarface can’t ever go forever sleepies. Their owwies just disappear.
You asked Scarface what it was like.
He said “Imm-ow-tawwy-tee am nu su gud as Mawwey fink it soun. Scawface am haf su manee owwies in Scawface wong wife. Scawface nu can coun how manee owwies nu mowe.”
Your daddeh and mummah share a kiss. Then daddeh walks over to you, kneels down in front of you, and strokes your fluff.
“Marley. How’s your nephew settling in?”
“Den-day am doin gud. Den-day, shu daddeh wut Den-day can du.”
Your nephew, only recently off the miwkies, green and purple, the reverse of his daddeh, your… what did Scarface say he calls mistah Vic-tow? Oh yeah. Dende, his colors the reverse of your Souw Bwuddah, stacks three blockies together into a small pyramid. Your daddeh claps, even though you know that Dende’s blocking stacking skills are a work in progress. You can make a pyramid with five blockies. You take pride in this.
Ah, yes.
Your nephew.
Dende.
So, your nephews and nieces, Piccolo and Snowball’s babbehs, and again, you’re not actually Piccolo’s bwuddah, but you feel like bwuddahs, so you’re an uncle to his foals, have all grown up and gone off to their new homes.
They grow up so fast.
sniff
But, as promised, Piccolo and Snowball got to keep one of them, and got to pick which one would stay.
After much deliberation, and your daddeh having to confirm that no, “aww of dem” is not a valid answer, they eventually managed to decide on the little green and purple earthie. They didn’t know what to name him, so your daddeh said he would “continue the theme”, you don’t know what that means, and named your nephew Dende. You all approved of this name. Dende loved his new name. The rest of the babbehs got their names from their new mummahs and daddehs.
(Most fluffies will happily accept any name that isn’t derogatory.)
He reassured all of you that the rest of the babbehs would all be going to good homes, with hoomin mummahs and daddehs who will love them as much as he loves all of you. He said that he had found the new mummahs and daddehs on something called “Fwuffbook”.
One by one, the new mummahs and daddehs came to the housie, and one by one the family said goodbye to each babbeh.
There were lots of hugs, and tears, and every time Piccolo and Snowball made each babbeh promise to be good fluffies for their new mummahs and daddehs.
Fortunately, most of the new mummahs and daddehs live nearby, so it’s not like you’ll never see them again. You’ll know if you run into them again. Fluffies have an excellent sense of smell. You don’t need a namesie-taggy to recognise a fluffy you’ve met before. Well, except the Bone Fluff, because he doesn’t smell like anything, but he’s still easy to recognise. When you see him, you can’t not know exactly what you’re seeing and hearing.
By now, you’ve met the Bone Fluff a few times, usually after you’ve nummed some feew-gud nummies or breathed in some of daddeh’s silly smokies from the tubey thing he calls a bong. You’re not sure that the Bone Fluff is actually real, but he said that DEWE NU FWUFFY SU WEAW AS DEATH OF FWUFFIES. DEATH OF FWUFFIES AM PAWT OF DA ABSOWUTE WEAWITY.
He’s got a deep voice for a fluffy.
You asked him why he kept showing up.
DEATH OF FWUFFIES AM JUS KEEPIN A SEE-PWACE ON MAWWEY DADDEH. AZWAEW SAY DEATH OF FWUFFIES HAF TU DO IT. AS IF DEATH OF FWUFFIES HAF NU FING BETTEW TU DU. BUT MAWWEY DADDEH AM VEWY SPECIAW HOOMIN. DA FAYTE OF DA WHOWE YOO-NAH-FUWSE DEEP-END ON MAWWEY DADDEH. DEATH OF FWUFFIES HAF SEEN WUT HAPPUN IF FINGS GU BAD. BUT DIS AM JUS BETWEEN MAWWEY AN DEATH OF FWUFFIES, OTAY?
One of his little blue glowy see-places went out for a moment. You quickly figured out that he was winking.
AN NAO, DEATH OF FWUFFIES MUS GU. WOWD OF AD-VAIS, MAWWEY: AWWAYS WOOK BOF WAYS BEFOWE CWOSSIN DA STWEETSIE. DEWE AM FWUFFY IN NEX TOWN OBA DAT AM JUS WEAWN DAT DA HAWD WAY.
You’ve been following his advice ever since.
You told the rest of the gang to do it too.
But who is Azwaew?
Then, ultimately, just Dende was left, and the new mummahs and daddehs stopped coming. Mistah Dave asked if he could have Dende, but daddeh just said that “there was no way in all nine circles of Hell that he was ever giving mistah Dave a fluffy”, and mistah Dave gave up.
Good. You’ve heard from daddeh that mistah Dave doesn’t treat fluffies very nicely.
As Dende is demonstrating his rudimentary architectural skills to daddeh, your special friend, Caelum, waddles over, already visibly a soon-mummah, and singing a mummah song for her tummeh babbehs.
Once the last of Dende’s bwuddahs and sissies had left, daddeh came into the saferoom and said that you and Caelum could finally get busy.
He then explained, when you didn’t know what get busy meant, that what he was trying to say was that the two you could, at last, do special huggies.
You didn’t waste any time. You mounted Caelum so fast that daddeh said that it reminded him of Bolt.
Bolt’s a new friend. He’s a pretty red and yellow wingie friend, and he’s really nice. And Bolt can run really fast for a fluffy. He’s faster than most hoomins.
But not as fast as you were when you heard your daddeh tell you that you could finally have special huggies with Caelum.
When you met Bolt, he asked you if you wanted to play huggy tag with him. He even said that mistah dok-tow Fuh-choos would give the winner a nummie.
But you had already seen how fast he could move, and you said nu. You knew that you weren’t going to get the nummie.
The dok-tow chuckled and said that you were pretty smart, for a fluffy, because you knew when to fold 'em.
Fold what?
“Damn, Marley! I was gonna light some candles and put some Marvin Gaye on, but you clearly don’t need it. Um, I’ll just give you two some privacy, shall I? Come on guys, let’s give the lovebirds some space…”
You weren’t paying attention to what daddeh was saying, because you were too busy… well, getting busy.
After the cry of “Gud feews!” rang out, you and Caelum cuddled together, and daddeh, mummah and the rest of the fluffies came in and congratulated you.
Snowball, mummah and Caelum then went off to have a little talk about Caelum’s impending motherhood.
You, daddeh, and the rest of the boys celebrated the best way you all know how. Uncles Seth and Andre, and Magic, he’s cool, but not at smart as you, were there too.
(Magic took on Bolt’s wager, by the way. Guess who won. Here’s a hint: it wasn’t Magic.)
As silly smokies filled the wiving woom, your daddeh and uncle Seth worked out an arrangement.
Uncle Seth and Caelum actually live in the same big housie as your family does, two fwoows down, so you and Caelum don’t have to be separated.
Caelum will be staying with all of you until the babbehs are all gone. Daddeh gave the two of you the same deal he gave Piccolo and Snowball: you pick one babbeh to keep, and the rest get new hoomin mummahs and daddehs.
After that, uncle Seth will take Caelum back to his housie, but she’s nearby, and you’ll still see each other all the time.
Daddeh and uncle Seth said that they still need to work out what to do with the babbeh you choose to keep, but they said they’ll “cross that bridge when they reach it”, or something like that.
What bridge? You didn’t see any bridge.
You trot into the saferoom, over to your Special Huggie Friend. Daddeh is talking to your special friend, and feeding her some more of the special soon-mummah nummies. He’s also feeding Snowball one of those no-babbeh nummies so her and Piccolo can have special huggies.
The two of you think that not having more babbehs is worth it, since in return, you can have special huggies with your bestest special friends.
You already love you and Caelum’s tummeh babbehs, but you agree with what daddeh told you. If you kept having babbehs, then soon, the place would be full of babbehs! There’s just not enough room for so many babbehs!
“Enf! Enf! Enf! Enf! Enf!”
Piccolo is already using his Special Huggie Friend. He couldn’t wait.
The two of you have learned your lesson. Not in front of the mares and babbehs.
You’ve gotten a lot of… use out of your Special Huggie Friend, but now that you’ve had a taste of the real thing, the Special Huggie Friend just isn’t the same. It’s like numming kibbwe when you really want to num sketties.
You still remember how upset daddeh was when you did that.
But daddeh is a good daddeh, even now that he can do the buwnie thing, and he said that Caelum can’t have special huggies again until after the babbehs have gone to their new mummahs and daddehs.
You mount your Special Huggie Friend, next to Piccolo, and start enfing away as well.
You and Piccolo quickly tap your front hoofsies together. Your daddeh taught you two how to do that, and he says that you two can call it a hoofsie-bump.
You’re not enfing as fast as Piccolo, but that’s because you’ve always taken things slow and steady.
You like to think that the Special Huggie Friend enjoys the gentle touch.
Trying to ignore the sounds coming from the saferoom, you should probably close the door, you watch Caelum finish her bowl of Bestest Babbehs kibble, and Snowball finish her No-Foals Treat.
Pierre gave you a big box of the latter. He said that you’d need it, if you weren’t planning on surfing on an ocean of fluffies. His exact words.
Meanwhile, Dende is attempting to make a bigger pyramid, and you’re filling Judy in on today’s events. The fluffies are too busy eating, playing, or, ahem, to pay attention.
You’re glad that you have people to talk to when you get home from… work. Pierre said that he knows how hard it is, living in two different worlds.
You pause your recap of the day’s events for a moment. Pulling out a spliff, you reach for your lighter, but then you chuckle to yourself, exactly like how Pierre chuckles, and you snap your fingers. The spliff lights itself.
You take a deep hit, needing it after a long day at work, and after exhaling the smoke, you continue. Judy gives you a look. She’s still not used to the new status quo. Will she ever be? Will you ever be?
“Victor was supposed to go on another job for Pierre today, another bunch of assholes trying to weaponize P53. But after the incident, Pierre had to send someone else in. Dunno who.”
“P53, P53… Hmm. I used to know a guy, Chris, who had a fluffy, Lavender she was called, with Syndrome-P53. Sweet little purple pegasus, despite her problem. They used to live around here, but they got kicked out after, well, you saw what happened in his garden, remember, Cal? Think they moved out to his brother’s farm. The guy who tried to attack you and Marley at Harry’s Place?”
“Oh yeah. With everything that’s been going on lately, I completely forgot about him. Hope he’s doing alright, last time I saw him he was in a bad place.”
“Cal, to be honest, I didn’t like him that much. I think he might have killed Blueberry, not that I miss the little ingrate, and every time we met, he was looking at me like he was trying to imagine what I look like naked. I can tell, believe me, and thank you for not having ever done it.”
“Well, I don’t need to. Don’t give me that look, Jude. But yeah, he had issues, I’m willing to bet. I should look up what happened to him, I’m sure one of my new friends can help me find out. Jude, did you know I once saw him on Bang Street? Talking to a very unpleasant looking hooker. I really hope he didn’t actually give it to her. I saw a bulge.”
“Wait, what were you doing on Bang Street, Cal?”
Choose your next words carefully, Cal. You pass the spliff to Judy.
“Meeting up with Dave to carry out a… transaction. He said we couldn’t meet up at his place, his baby mama was looking for him. That reminds me, I should check how many hits the video of her finally cornering him has gotten.”
“He’s an asshole, but I’m glad he’s doing the right thing now. The only thing that I got from my dad was his last name.”
“But Blaze is a pretty good last name, though.”
“Gud feews!”
“Enf! Enf! Enf! Gud feews!”
Aaaaaand Piccolo wins the race once again.
You break off the conversation with Judy, and snap on some latex gloves. With a look of solemn dread on your face, you walk into the saferoom, congratulating the boys on another successful emission and starting the harrowing task that must be carried out.
You’ve gotta clean the Special Huggie Friends.