Author’s Note
Hey everyone, just been busy so I haven’t been able to do as much writing as I’d like to have so far this month. Gonna work on that.
Anyway, in this part I’m introducing my adopted foal from @Gal-with-pastels, Rutabaga. Been meaning to get this entry out a lot sooner because of that but I’ve rewritten the entire part. I am now personally satisfied with the entry, so here we are.
[Other entries below in case you need to catch up.]
[First | Second | Third | Fourth]
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It’s been a few hours since Rimjob and Charlie arrived at the vet, after work he waits in the lobby as Rimjob is inspected by a fluffy doctor in one of the several rooms. Shortly, Charlie notices the door of the room he carried Rimjob to swing wide open as the doctor walks out. She motions her hand from the door to Charlie, who waits with baited breath as he approaches.
Rimjob comes trotting out as if nothing happened to him with a large grin on his face. His wings flutter as she reminds Rimjob to take it easy and to not touch hot objects again or he’ll have more “burnie hurties”, clearly he takes this to heart as he gasps at the vet and frantically shakes his head left to right.
“Fank 'ou nice wady! Wimjob nu hab owwies anymowe! Wub nice wady, be new mummah?” He pleads with the vet as he taps her leg.
“Rimjob, I think your daddy would already have a special friend, which means you already have a mom back at home worried sick about her little boy.” The vet responds to the curious stallion
“Daddeh nu hab speshuw fwend, ow babbehs, just Wimjob an’ spesh…” Rimjob is cut off by Charlie.
“Rimjob shut it!” Charlie budges in the conversation before Rimjob can embarrass him further.
He walks over and makes some small talk about how he’s seemingly made a full recovery. The vet informs Charlie about the process of taking care of the injured hooves. Turns out it was a lot easier than he assumed, and a lot cheaper too.
"Well it wasn’t too hard, just a simple hoof replacement, he was knocked out of course. It wasn’t too much trouble frankly. The vet beams.
“Eh, as long as he’s alright I’m not complaining. Did he need any shots or?” Charlie looks at the nurse who immediately glares at a clipboard.
“Most of the essentials he needed yeah. May I ask sir? Is Rimjob a feral?” Her brow rises as she asks Charlie.
“Suppose so, he hasn’t mentioned a former owner and I just found him and his little girlfriend in the alley the other night. Figured they would’ve been on the business end of some steel toes come morning if I hadn’t.” Charlie shrugs as he tells the story.
They continue to talk and soon, Charlie and Rimjob are at the register being rung up for everything. Suddenly Rimjob looks to his right to a shelf of fluffy toys and he begins browsing as Charlie hands his card over to the man behind the register. His eyes lock on to a ball, it’s bright blue with sparkles, Rimjob approaches it and looks at it.
“Spawkwy baww! daddeh, Wimjob wants new spawkwy baww. Baww wooks wike Wimjob!” Rimjob runs up and taps Charlie on the leg as he looks down.
“Seriously dude? You already got a ball at home. And you aren’t sparkly, but it does look like yo-” before Charlie can finish, Rimjob interjects
“DADDEH RIMJOB WAN’ BAWW!” Rimjob has never been so certain of something aside from wanting to be a father.
“…motherfucker” Charlie mumbles as he grabs the ball and has it added to the total as well.
They both walk out of the store, Rimjob is prancing happily along with Charlie, who is carrying the ball in a small plastic bag. when suddenly Rimjob meets a metal pole. Walking into it without a second thought, too preoccupied with talking to Charlie to notice the large metal object. Rimjob was far too preoccupied with his new toy.
“Seriously man? I’m just gonna carry your dumbass home Rimjob. You gotta be careful dude.” Charlie rolls his eyes as he scoops Rimjob up gingerly.
The pair chat and walk as they near Charlie’s house, when suddenly a thought crosses Charlie’s mind. If Rimjob is an alicorn, how the hell did he get some mare to stick around him without bitching about monster babies. He looks inquisitively at the fluffy in his arms, his wings fluttering and tail wagging.
“Rimjob, lemme ask you something pal. You’re an alicorn rig- I mean you’re a monster fluffy right?” He looks down at Rimjob who stares back, it’s clear something is bothering him about this question.
He stays silent.
“Rimjob I’ll take your ball away if you don’t tell me what the story is here. Why is Shit-For-Brains not scared of her babies being monsters? I don’t get it. I only know the basics of what you guys are like so I’m pretty fucking confused.”
Rimjob releases a long sigh and begins speaking. “Weww, Wimjob was bown wiff wingies an’ pointy, mummah caww Wimjob munsta fwuffie an’ twy to gib foweba sweepies tu Wimjob. Bwuddas an’ sissies hated Wimjob too, nebah wet fwuffy dwink miwkies ow hab nummies. Den wot of fowebews ago, when dah bwite baww went ‘way, wastes’ smawty got foweba sweepies, an’ hewd had nu weadah. Wimjob gabe bestes’ pointy to munsta that gib foweva sweepies to smawty fwend. Hewd nu caww Wimjob munsta fwuffie aftah dat, caww Wimjob smawty instead. Den a bawkie munsta came. Wimjob an’ speshuw fwend wan an’ wan untiw we found nyu housie for babbehs.” He sighs as the extremely long story leaves Rimjob’s mouth. It’s a long one and only slightly explains as to why Shit-For-Brains can care less about what Rimjob looks like.
“First of all. Holy shit, didn’t ask for the life story pal. Pretty cool though I guess, glad you’re still kicking. But that doesn’t explain Shit-For-Brains, how’d that happen? She doesn’t care if you’re a monster fluffy?” He looks back down at Rimjob.
“Nu.” A short and simple response, nothing else comes from his mouth.
“Fair enough, she doesn’t seem to be the brightest” Charlie chuckles after his response.
“Nu, buh Shit-Fow-Bwains am pwetty fwuffy, smeww gud. Am gud mummah, am gud speshul fwen’.”
“She’s an airhead you know? I’m fucking surprised she made it this far in life truthfully. I didn’t think that a smarty like you wou-” Charlie’s stride is interrupted.
“Dummeh hooman, gib mummah an’ bestes’ babbeh new housie, nee’ bestes’ house an’ nest fo’ bestes’ babbeh. Nee’ sketties fo’ babbeh!! 'Ou nyu daddeh nao!” A large cream colored mare with a blue mane and tail stands in front of Charlie and Rimjob.
“Go ‘way enfie mawe! Ow Wimjob gib ugwy bestes’ babbeh foweva sweepies! An’ enfie mawe sowwy hoofsies!” Rimjob wiggles out of Charlie’s arms as he says this.
He falls, hits his side, but immediately bounces back up with motivation. He stares her down and her five babies on her back. All of which are talking back to Rimjob as well. Suddenly his hoof strikes the mare’s face, knocking a white foal off her back. The rest of her foals jolt about and cry as they realize their mother was attacked.
Rimjob’s eyes catch the foal, it’s a snow white foal with a tuft of pink mane on it’s head. Nothing special about this foal other than a desirable color to children maybe,
“Rimjob, knock it off pal.” Charlie grabs Rimjob by his scruff before he can kill the baby.
“Buh babbeh nu gud fo’ anythin’ nu even enfies!” Rimjob tries to wiggle out of his owner’s grip
“First of all fucking GROSS dude. If I ever catch you doing that shit, you bet your ass I’m putting you down, super uncalled for alright. You of all fluffies should know that every fluffy should be given a chance. Your herd very well could’ve killed you but you proved yourself now didn’t you?”
“Munstah fwuffy take poopie babbeh fo’ enfies! Nu gib enfies to bestes’ babbeh, too smaww! Too smaww!” The mare interjects and screeches this.
The mare rushes forward with a multicolored pegasus, Charlie can’t quite see her yet, but he sets down Rimjob and blocks him with his arm as he crouches down to prevent any issues. The mare sets down the pegasus which is noticeably smaller than its siblings. She’s clearly only been keeping it alive with the bare minimum for some reason.
“Hey, no one is “enfing” anything here what the fuck are you shitrats talking about? Jesus you things disturb the ever living fuck out of me sometimes. No wonder Jesse always complains about her ferals.” A visible look of disgust is scrawled across Charlie’s face.
He watches as the mare sets down the pegasus, who is actually quite pretty considering the mom is calling it a bad baby. Its legs and wings are a pale yellow, it’s body is brown, and her eyes are green, with the top of her head fading into a somewhat dark scarlet.
“Uh. That’s actually a pretty baby you have.” Charlie is genuinely taken back, he’s confused as to what the fuck is wrong with this mare. Her preferred child is plain compared to this one.
“NU, AM POOPIE BABBEH! TAKE POOPIE BABBEH INSTEAD OF PWINCESS!” the mare snorts as she says this.
Charlie scoffs and pushes the mare back some as he covers the foal with his other hand. He pulls the baby away from the mom, the foal is far too scared to say a single thing. He scoops it up and holds it close to him with one arm and the foal cowers. Charlie looks behind the mare, the rest of the foals sport no such color scheme. There’s just a plain color palate amongst them all, nothing notable remotely.
Charlie turns to Rimjob and motions for him to walk forward, instinctively he comes. Charlie sets the foal on his back, and it immediately snuggles in but gets up and looks uncomfortable. It’s clearly been disregarded compared to the others. Charlie pets it slightly to let it know he means no harm, it immediately coos and hugs his finger.
“Rimjob, should we take it?” Charlie looks on to his companion
“Hmmmm… Yus. Maybe speshul fwen’ fowgive Wimjob wiff new babbeh!” Rimjob lights up as he comes to this realization
“Take poopie babbeh! Nu wan’ poopie babbeh, dummeh babbeh bown ugwy!” The mare budges in their conversation
“…yeah you think you know the way forward? I gotta do something, and I don’t think the baby will wanna be here for it.” Charlie looks back at Rimjob.
“Mhm, Wimjob am smawty! Know whewe go!” He gleefully starts running off as he says this.
Charlie normally wouldn’t let Rimjob do such a thing, but his house is only a minute away. He looks forward and sees Rimjob plant himself down, the baby jumps down and they begin to talk in the distance. Too far for Charlie to hear anything.
“Princess right? That’s your best baby’s name?” Charlie looks down at the mare
“Yus, Pwincess am pwettiest babbeh ebah, get aww da miwkies fiwst, get bestes’ song, just need nyu housie wiff wots an’ wots of toysies just fo’ Pwincess!”
“No one likes a spoiled little brat you know. Especially spoiled fluffies, no one likes those at all. You’re really expecting someone to take you and your foals in when you can’t even treat them right? You probably ran off just to have those babies didn’t you?” Charlie is progressively getting annoyed as he speaks.
“Yus! Am bestes’ mummah, wan be wike big mummah!” The mare responds quickly
“Nyu… daddeh?” Princess has said her first words since Charlie saw her
“Bestes’ babbeh find nyu daddeh yaaaay!” The mare jumps up and down gleefully, forgetting her other children are on her back, they all fall off as they try to desperately cling to their mother.
“Fuck. No I am not your “new daddy”, I already have good fluffies at home. I can’t afford to keep more of you around.” Charlie scoffs after finishing.
“Buh bestes’ babbeh an’ mummah nee’ nyu housie wiff wots of toys an’ sketties! onwy sketties fo’ bestes’ babbeh! othah babbehs am nu gud poopie babbehs, nu pwetty enuff, aww get foweba sweepies soon!” The mare clearly has some sort of bias, as well as revealing her grandiose plan for her undesired children.
Charlie weighs his options for a bit and looks back down at the mare, who is gleefully staring at Princess. He definitely feels like he has to intervene before the mare stomps the others out in a random alleyway, it’d be pretty unfortunate as they’re not the worst looking foals, this mare just seems to have an incredibly high standard for children. The mare was definitely spoiled herself when she had an owner.
“Grab your fucking foal, let’s go home.” Charlie is annoyed, but he has a plan to deal with a bitchy mare.
“WEAWWY?!?! NYU HOUSIE!” The mare screams in excitement as she trots in a circle.
“…guess my plans are gonna wait a bit.” Charlie mumbles as he begrudgingly leads the mare and her family to their new home.
Chapter 2
Charlie has opened the door and Rimjob picks the foal up and hurriedly runs inside of the house, running to the basement door. He begins tapping on it with his hoof impatiently, he’s beyond excited to show Shit-For-Brains his find. He keeps tapping as the mare walks in, princess and her four siblings in tow.
Charlie runs up and unlocks the door, Rimjob bolts down to see his mate. Meanwhile, Charlie looks to the new guests in his house. The mare walks around with her children who are curiously looking around, their heads darting left and right looking at the house’s layout. The mare sets Princess down gently and then carelessly tosses the rest down, chirping and pleading to be treated equally like their sibling.
“Hey what’s your fucking issue? Those are still your babies you know?” Charlie steadily walks towards the mare as he points at her
“Am ugwy nu gud babbehs. Get sowwy hoofsies and foweva sweepies soon! Dummeh daddeh, fwuffy awwedy towd you! Daddeh nu wememba?” The mare states as if it was obvious what she was doing and why.
“If you live here, you’re not killing your foals. You either have all or none, and if you kill ANY, I’m feeding Princess to the dog next door, so behave. They’re your fuckin kids you bitch.” Charlie’s face gradually fills with frustration.
“NU PWINCESS NU AM BAWKIE MUNSTAH NUMMIES!” The mare’s mouth hangs open.
Charlie’s point has been illustrated to the family, the mare and Princess recoil in fear as her siblings seem to care but not nearly as much, they seem to pick up that the aggression is far from them. Charlie grabs the mare and walks down to his basement and sets her down. The mare immediately starts wailing about Princess not being with her, which Charlie immediately silences by telling her that all her children will be joining her shortly.
This of course results in protests from her, she only cares for Princess out of the bunch, only from her maternal instinct have the others survived, and she doesn’t notice them suckling milk as she sleeps. Charlie shortly returns with the group in a small shoebox, which results in the mare lighting up as she thinks it’s a grand place for her favorite child to sleep.
“Go ‘way poopie babbehs! ‘Ou ugwy! Nu nee’ pwetty bed! Am Pwincess’ bed nao! Get sowwy hoofsies if 'ou nu get out!” The entitled foal snorts and drags her hoof across the cardboard, imitating an incoming charge.
Princess is now attempting to kick at her siblings who cower in the little room they have left in the shoebox. Charlie quickly grabs the others one by one and sets them down, then sets the lid on the shoebox, clamping it tight with both hands. Princess squirms to no avail, she’s trapped and there’s no way out. Not with her feeble body and weak limbs at least. Her loudmouth mother has to insert herself in this situation too now.
“NU! WET PWINCESS OUT NAO!! NAO, NAO, NAO, NAO, NO-”
A blue hoof strikes her face, Rimjob has come to Charlie’s aid in dealing with this nuisance of a mare.
“SHADDUP ENFIE MAWE! DADDEH MAKES DAH WULES AND 'OU WISTEN!” Rimjob snarls almost, never disrespect his owner.
Charlie nods in approval to his pal as he walks back upstairs and searches for a roll of duct tape. All the while Princess keeps thumping against the box, which elicits Charlie to give her a rough couple of shakes. It seems to do the trick as she stops completely, and Charlie is finally able to set the box down as he grabs his tape.
A loud rip is heard and Charlie wraps the grey tape around the box once. It’s enough to secure the lid for long enough to get everything situated. Princess has given up and is now crying and complaining about the sorry box as she taps faintly, asking “Wet Pwincess out? Wub Pwincess? Am bestes’… Huuhhhuuuhuu. Daddeh nu wub Pwincess…”
“Yeah I don’t. Because you’re a spoiled little shit who needs to realize you aren’t the only thing that matters. How the fuck did you end up with this attitude for the love of god.” Charlie sighs after his complaints.
“…am bad fwuffy? Buh Pwincess am nu am bad fwuffy…”
More cries leave the box as Charlie walks back to the basement with it under his arm. At the final step, he chucks it carelessly on the floor and it slides right in front of her mother as Princess screams.
“BESTES’ BABBEH NU DESEWBE SOWWY BOXIE PWEASE WET PWINCESS OUT DADDEH! PWEASE! NU DADDEH!” The mare screams as Charlie crouches to Shit-For-Brains and Rimjob.
“How’s it going you two? Shit-For-Brains? You alright girl?” Charlie scratches her neck after he asks.
She nods happily and is enjoying the company of the new fluffies and her new friend. Rimjob had presented the foal he brought back earlier to his mate and she beamed with happiness, instantly forgiving him for his “transgressions” from earlier today. The foal dances happily as Rimjob nuzzles it, while Shit-For-Brains sings a song about her babies.
“Mummah wuv tummeh babbehs
Gwow big an’ stwong!
Be bestes’ babbehs!
Wuv new babbeh tuu!
Mummah have biggest heawt happies!”
The foal continues to dance to her new mother’s song, it feels happy for the first time in its short life. She moves her front legs from left to right and rhythmically taps her hind legs to the song. The foal is far better of a dancer than Rimjob already, that’s for certain. “What a group…” Charlie mumbles to himself.
“POOPIE BABBEH NU DESEWBE WUB! DUMMEH MAWE!” The mother lunges towards the group but is met with a swift kick in the gut from Charlie.
“GHUGHK” The mare opens her mouth and as the air escapes from her lungs, this is the only noise that can exit.
She flops onto the floor after the kick, her eyes dart wildly as she tries to recover her breath, but it feels useless. Her foals quickly run up to her and hug her as well as cry. They all whine and chirp at her but she’s unable to respond yet, she’s still gasping for any air she can get.
“What THE FUCK is your problem? You don’t like your children being treated well? This isn’t even your fuckin foal anymore you pretentious little bitch. You’re real lucky I’m not as mean as some of my friends, they probably would’ve sent you to a shelter by now. Fucks sake.” A large sigh leaves after Charlie finishes his rant.
It’s fallen on deaf ears however, listening to Charlie is the last thing on the mare’s simple mind.
“Hey fuckhead, you hear me? Since you need a name, I’m calling you Creampie. No complaints either or you’ll get your own sorry box.”
Creampie is finally able to catch her breath and recover some. Her children are still trying to comfort her, but she cares little for this effort by the undesired children. Her eyes coldly stare down the red foal in front of her who is dancing, he’s blissfully unaware his mother is staring daggers at him.
“Mummah wook, am dancin’ babbeh fo’ 'ou to feew bettew!”
“Huuuhuhuuu mummah nu hab heawt huwties! nu huwties pwease, huggies an’ wub wiww hewp!”
The neon green foal with a purple tail hugs her leg and cries as it pleads with it’s mother to feel better. As if the worthless hugs somehow did anything to help.
“Wub mummah, bestes’ mummah, pwease wub babbehs…?”
“Nu huwties mummah, babbehs am fo’ wub an’ huggies fo’ mummah!”
“Christ shut the fuck up all of you. She doesn’t even love you. She told me she was gonna kill all of you the moment she could, you were literally right on her back. What the fuck is wrong with you things and the unconditional love?”
“Sowwy nyu daddeh. Bu’ mummah nu bad mummah.”
“I’m not wasting my time arguing with foals. Stuff a hoof in it.”
Charlie grabs Creampie while she’s still incapacitated from the kick, shortly she’s functioning normally again but is far more weary of Charlie’s foot. Unbeknownst to Creampie, Charlie has a plan to ensure no foals meet an untimely end during the night. He packs her up the stairs and walks into his garage, then sets her down. She curiously trots about the garage, looking at all the power tools Charlie owns.
While she’s looking, Charlie has gotten a scrap piece of wood that’s just big enough to make leg holes and keep Creampie in place. After some loud whirling with a drill saw bit, the board is ready to contain the bitchy mare. He walks with the board in one hand and Creampie in the other, she flails her legs about as she complains about being picked up. Charlie cares not for her wails of misery, this is for the sake of her children.
Before she knows it, she’s back in the basement and her crying children bolt towards her, only to be met by Charlie’s shuffling feet, pushing them all out of the way. He tosses the board down and sets Creampie in it, and just as he hoped, she’s unable to do anything but try to walk to no avail.
“There, that’ll keep you from doing any of that to your kids. You lot can go ahead and spend as much time with your mom as you want. She won’t be mean, I guarantee you.”
Charlie says with a large smile to the group.
Princess however is still thrashing about in her shoebox as she overhears the commotion.
“WET PWINCESS OUT! DUMMEH DADDEH GET WOWSTES’ SOWWY HOOFSIES!”
Another kick from Charlie sends the box sliding straight into the wall, on the inside Princess slams against the cardboard prison. Charlie quickly grabs the box and fashions a hole to peer into with his pocket knife. Princess is glaring back at him meanly, but Charlie cares little. He sets her down with her viewing port to face her mother, who is being overwhelmed with hatred by her other children.
“Yaaaay! Nu meanie mummah nao! Wub nice mummah.”
“Nu sowwy hoofsies fo’ poopie babbeh? Huggies wowk!”
“Nu! Dancies wowk fo’ mummah! Am bestes’ dancie babbeh. Gib bigges’ heawt happies.”
“Why mummah nu gib huggies and wub back? Nu wub babbeh? Hate babbeh? Huuhuuhuuu why mummah!”
“WEGGIES NU WOWK! PWEASE WEGGIES NU BE MEANIES, WOWK! NU WAN’ POOPIE BABBEHS ON CWEAMPIE! 'OU AWW UGWY! GO ‘WAY STOOPI’ BABBEHS. NU WAN! NU WAN! ONWY WAN PWINCESS!”
Charlie shakes his head disapprovingly, then glances over back to Rimjob who is still gleefully talking to his newly adopted child. He seems to be teaching it about using the litterbox as Creampie never cared to inform the rest about proper etiquette despite being housetrained.
“Hey thanks Rimjob, think you could teach the other foals too?” Rimjob nods in agreement and Charlie looks at the foal sat next to Rimjob. " Hi, I’m gonna check what you are really quick okay? I won’t hurt you."
“Big daddeh am bestes’ daddeh, nu wowwy babbeh, is gud upsies” Rimjob encourages the child.
The foal looks to Charlie and walks to him, then plops down as if it’s presenting itself for inspection. Charlie scoops it up and looks at its rear then picks the tail up, Charlie sets the foal down and looks to Rimjob.
“Dunno if you could tell, but it’s a girl, you have a daughter you two! Congratulations. And lucky for Shit-For-Brains, the little ones look old enough to eat kibble so I’ll go get it.”
Charlie returns with a new bag of kibble, which he got after work today. Before he returned to the vet he returned home to drop it off. He figured Rimjob would like some new kibble after the visit, plus Charlie couldn’t keep feeding them expired food.
He pours the kibble in the dish, leaves, and returns with another bowl, pouring kibble in and then sliding it to the group of foals who cheer in delight. Creampie protests but one of the foals approaches her and with one piece of kibble at a time, he feeds her and the others gluttonously take what they can of the kibble.
Charlie sighs and looks to Rimjob, Shit-For-Brains, and their new adopted foal.
“Since I’m giving out names, the little one reminds me of a rutabaga, so she’s Rutabaga, hope you like it girl.”
“Wutabaga am bestes’ name, fank 'ou big daddeh.”
“Wutabaga is gud name, fank ‘ou fo’ nyu babbeh daddeh!”
Rimjob prances about as Charlie sighs and walks upstairs. He closes the door and looks back at it, as he remembers that Rimjob fucked his heater up this morning.
He rushes down with a heater he had in his living room and plugs it in. He looks to Rimjob who is still infatuated with Rutabaga, as is Shit-For-Brains. For once Charlie admires something about the soon to be mom, she does seem to care quite a bit about her foals, even if this is an adopted one.
“I already have too many of these fuckin things. Something’s gotta give.”
He sighs again, then leaves, mumbling to himself about the potential mess the morning would hold.