Hi all! Long time Fluffy enjoyer here and I’ve been eager to try my own hand at stories myself. Sorry if it’s a bit long, but I wanted to try and paint a picture in your mind as well as set up a couple of characters. I’m not entirely sure where I want to take this story or if I’ll continue it. Please feel free to give me some feedback! It’s appreciated! With that being said, please enjoy!
The cold air hit Charlie’s face as he exited the bar, it was surprisingly cold tonight, unusual for the area this early into Fall.
“I fucking hate Fall.”
He let a long, tired sigh out after. Truly, this was a hellish walk in the cold, but at least the whiskey made him feel warm.
His feet stumbled down the sidewalk, slowly, but steadily. He approached an alleyway he crossed through to get to the bar. Weirdly, Charlie found peace in alleyways, thinking of them as a resting place from the constant chaos of the city that enveloped it.
“Better now than never I guess.”
Charlie mumbled to himself as he stuffed his hands inside his coat pockets, fumbling through the items. He feels a cold piece of metal in his palm and pulls it out. In the other pocket, his right hand fumbled for the pack of cigarettes. He pulls the pack out and opens it, there’s four left. Maybe just enough for tonight with the way he’s been smoking. The lighter sparks, an orange flame erupts and flickers before the cigarette is touched to it. Charlie inhales deeply, the smoke makes his throat burn, even more than the whiskey.
Exhaling the smoke, Charlie looks forward and starts waking again, unaware of the rustling in the cardboard boxes ahead of him. Suddenly his left leg hits something, interrupting his stride
“The hell?”
He comes to a complete stop, and stares down, noticing a blue fluffy, an Alicorn nonetheless ramming into his leg over and over, to little effect.
“Dummeh hooman, ‘ou take smawty an’ speshuw fwend, gib us fowebah homes, wots of sketties an’ bwockies. Speshuw fwend am soon mummah! we nee’ wots of woom fo’ bestes’ an’ pwettiest babbehs!” The fluffy keeps talking nonsense about “Babbehs” and “Sketties”
“Oh goddamn it. A fucking smarty, just what I wanted to run into tonight. Get the fuck out of my way and shut the hell up!”
Charlie moved his left leg forward, pushing the blue Alicorn to the side and resumed walking. The Alicorn fell on its side before getting back up and taking a few steps back. Suddenly the Alicorn runs as fast as his legs will take him, he’s running with the most purpose he’s had since his miserable life began.
Charlie however, is blissfully unaware of this act of retribution from the Smarty, and continues to walk, this time faster. Before he realizes it, his shin has collided with the smarty’s head, who has woefully miscalculated his target.
The Smarty is sent flying down the alleyway, a trail of shit and piss leaving it as it glides, almost as if it was a rocket taking off. The blue Smarty crashes into a heap of black trash bags as he fades in and out of consciousness.
Charlie runs a couple of feet over to the pile of garbage, a blue ball laying prominently amongst the black backdrop. He pokes the Alicorn to no result.
“I actually might’ve killed the idiot.” Charlie mumbles to himself, in a slightly sorrowful tone.
Suddenly, the Alicorn begins moving, as if he was just woken up from the best damn nap he’s had, ever. The bags are slick though, and hard for him to stand up fully, but he continues to try, seemingly unaware of the human mere inches away from him.
“Smawty head hab owies, what happened to smawty? whewe speshuw fwend?” The Smarty looks around curiously before noticing Charlie.
“You okay buddy?” Charlie looks at the Smarty, still gaining his bearings
“Dummeh hooman twy to gib foweba sweepies tu smawty, smawty am gon’ gib ‘ou wowstes’ sowwy hoofsies”. The Smarty looks serious about this, but his worthless little body carries zero threat with his words.
Charlie scoffs, rolls his eyes and starts laughing
“You really think you can do anything? Jesus, you are dumb as shit. You got a name buddy?”
The Smarty ponders this for a second and then immediately blurts out
“Smawty doesn’t hab name, stoopi’ hooman bettah gib smawty dah bestes’ name wite nao”
Charlie thinks for a second, before mumbling to himself “…what would be a good name for this lil guy? Sky? Dreamy? Sea? Seaman? No wait that’s dumb, immature even.” He discards the name idea.
“Well okay maybe seamen would be funny as a name, he’d proudly announce it, bellow it as much as he could. To hell with immaturity, these things aren’t gonna think twice about a name!” Maybe he didn’t discard the name idea.
Then it hits Charlie, almost like lightning striking a field of dry grass.
“Rimjob. Your name will be Rimjob.”
Charlie looks at the Smarty, waiting for his response, a wry smile grows on his face
With gusto, the blue stallion almost yells “Wimjob am dah bestes’ name ebew, aww othah fwuffie hab wowstes’ dummeh names!” Then begins prancing amongst the trash bags before slipping and falling yet again.
Charlie laughs to himself, almost uncontrollably, his head shoots back as he thinks, these things really do call themselves anything don’t they? He wipes a tear from his eye before looking back down at Rimjob
“Well Rimjob, you said you have a “special friend?” Right? Why don’t you introduce me to her!”
Rimjob stiffens up before prancing proudly down the pile of garbage, unaware at how hilarious his name really is to Charlie. He finally gets to the asphalt of the alley, before looking back at Charlie and walking forward.
“Wimjob wiww show hooman whewe speshuw fwend am. Speshuw fwend am soon mummah!” the Smarty looks forward with glee, a genuine anticipation is sensed by Charlie in this sentence, it’s clear that being a father has filled Rimjob with a purpose to some degree.
Rimjob walks to a small gathering of cardboard boxes, hidden by a larger, weathered panel of cardboard, torn, and battered by the elements.
“Hewe am whewe speshuw fwend am, needs wots of nummies fo’ gud miwkies to waise bestes’ babbehs!”
Rimjob nudges the cardboard and it begins to slide, revealing a mare, his “speshuw fwend”. A large purple mare, absolutely full of foals seemingly is “hidden” behind the cardboard despite being able to hear her incessant singing
“Mumma wub babbehs, babbehs wub mumma! Mummah hab wots of miwkies and huggies fow babbehs!”
Charlie sighs and tries to interrupt the singing mare.
“Hey…” nothing comes from the mare, she’s still singing along with her eyes closed. Not even nearly aware of Charlie being next to her. “…goddamn it! Hey!” The mare still sings her ‘mummah’ song. “You deaf little shit HEY!”
The mare’s head snaps to Charlie before a look of pure fear fills her eyes. She can’t move. Not even an inch. Too full of foals to even react to what could be certain death. Although she doesn’t think that. The first thought that strikes through her mind at the sight of a human is
“Am ‘ou fwuffy’s new daddeh? am gon’ be mummah, bestes’ mummah fo’ bestes’ babbehs! fwuffy nee’ nummies an’ wawa to make dah bestes’ miwkies fo’ bestes’ babbehs” the mare then sits patiently, awaiting Charlie’s response.
“For fucks sake you can’t move can you? You’re too damn big to even use those little legs to get away from anything aren’t you?” Charlie looked interested at the prospect of taking this bloated mare in with her mate. Maybe it’d give him something to do after work, he did have an empty room after all. Maybe they’d be just perfect for stress relief, taking care of an animal and it’s family could be quite peaceful.
“Hmmmm…” Charlie strokes his chin, he really was pondering this wasn’t he? It is a cold night after all and there’s no way in hell these things are gonna survive the night, let alone another encounter with a less benelovant drunk. “Fuck it. Why not. I got extra room for the time being. You guys are coming with me.”
Rimjob prances around excitedly, almost dancing but alas, he’s far too uncoordinated to make it look impressive. The engorged mare bobs her head in joy, the small, useless legs moving around, looking more like decorations than anything. The mare, unfortunately for Charlie begins the song again. This time adding a new line.
“Mumma wub babbehs, babbehs wub mumma! Mummah hab wots of miwkies and huggies fow babbehs! Daddeh wobes soon mummah, gib mummah bestes’ sketties to make bestes’ miwkies fo’ bestes’ babbehs!”
“What the fuck did I do?” Charlie mumbles to himself before groaning and grabbing the mare by the scruff. Immediately he’s met with protest, the mare screams and says “Bad upsies! Bad upsies!” Charlie groans and taps the mare on the head. “Enough of that. Be quiet, or you’re not coming back with me.”
The mare understands this threat, and silences herself immediately. Charlie wraps the mare under his arm, then looks at the still prancing Rimjob, before saying “Follow me”
“Dummeh daddeh nee’ gib Wimjob sketties, an’ bwockies, an’ wotsa woom to pway wiff babbehs.” Rimjob trots alongside Charlie as they exit the alley, heading towards their new home.