Derpy Daycare
By @Za
Originally Penned July 28th, 2020
Chapter Five
For a while the car silent aside from the music and Lollipop’s intermittent chirps. Lollipop was a talkie babbeh, so he would still occasionally make those infernal noises. Juniper piped up as we were passing the local library.
“Don’t take what Lollipop said the wrong way,” she told me with a fragile smirk. “It’s just work, so don’t get any ideas.” We laughed, though hers was a bit too soft.
“So… you like Rage?” I asked curiously. Finding a girl with music tastes like my own wasn’t too unexpected, but one that looked like Juniper? One that showed interest in me, or what I had deluded myself into believing was interest? It shook me to the core. She struck me as the type who listened exclusively to Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears… you know, the usual suspects for a girly girl. She nodded enthusiastically, flashing a nerdy smile as excitement filled her eyes.
“Big time! My pa took me to see a concert once.” I took a moment to consider that. Either she was older than she looked, or her parents didn’t mind her hearing a few curse words. “I didn’t think a young’n like you would listen to this stuff,” she giggled, punching me lightly in the shoulder. I smiled at her, chuckling as the car came to a halt at the curb. We exited the car and took in the scenery from outside the fence.
“I bet it looks even better inside,” I joked, holding the gate open for Juniper. Lollipop practically dragged her into the park, squeaking out something about wanting to “pway wif fwens!” Juniper grabbed me by the collar and pulled me in after her. The park was familiar to me, as I’d come here to play often as a child. This was during the heyday of dogs, a few years before the time of fluffies. I would spend hours here with my old dog Swiper, running and playing like the hyperactive child I was. I missed the innocence I had possessed, but it was gone now. My innocence had vanished completely the second I struck Peppermint, and I felt chilled to the core realizing that I felt more than just a minute twinge of regret.
We strolled through the park, stopping to let Lollipop try to fly with the butterflies and smell flowers and do whatever other stupid shit fluffies do. It was almost cute the way he pranced around and tried to make friends with everything from people to rocks. At one point, I dropped my keys and found myself laughing as Lollipop rushed over to them, hugging the pain away. It was endearing how much compassion a fluffy could show when raised by someone like Juniper.
We found a comfortable-looking bench in a more secluded area of the park, just beneath a sweet gum tree. It was a torrid day, and sweating was the last thing I wanted to do if I had any intentions of continuing to look and smell good. I chuckled internally. What was I saying? “I always look good,” I thought to myself. The classic Mitchell delusion. The tree provided shade that Lollipop surely enjoyed. The diminutive creature was panting and shaking the sweat out of his fluff. Juniper and I fell into the seat beside one another. We were close, but not uncomfortably so. I opened up a conversation the only way I knew how: by being extremely surface-level with my observations.
“So… fluffies, huh?” I inquired, wondering what set her on this career path. Why would anyone want to care for these sniveling rodents?
“Yeppers!” she rhapsodized cheerfully, “I just love love love the little guys. They’re so sweet, and loving, and loyal!” She reached down to pet Lollipop, adding that fluffies were also “delightfully fuzzy.” She smiled up at me with what I perceived to be a seductive smirk. “I’m a habitual cuddler, yanno.” I broke out into a light sweat, only broken from those glittering eyes by a slight tugging at my socks. I tepidly peered down to see a candy pink creature wrapped around my leg.
“Wub huggies! Wub nice mistah Mitcheww!” it chirruped, delicately wrapping its legs around my ankle. It was both adorable and frustrating. If there was a brown stain on my sock, I vowed to make that fluffy a red stain on the concrete. I reached down, offering loving words to Lollipop in a bid to get him to relinquish me. I looked up to Juniper for approval as I stroked Lollipop’s snow-white mane, eliciting a series of tender peeps. To my delight, she beamed down at me with a proud gaze and a broad smile as she softly but fervently clapped her hands. All I had to do was pet a fluffy to score brownie points and a subtle peek up her too-short skirt? Now I had motivation to ruffle this little bastard’s mane.
I sat up as Lollipop let me go to skitter off someplace else. Juniper and I looked at each other, each of our gazes lingering a bit too long. There was true pride in her eyes. I suppose she didn’t expect me to be the all-powerful fluffy whisperer I had proven myself to be. I quickly shot my eyes down to our hands and back up to meet her gaze. Our hands were a mere inch away and it was making us both turn an awkward shade of red. I slowly shifted my hand towards hers, watching her look down and back up at me with an even warmer grin. She flashed me that dazzlingly dorky buck-toothed smile she knew I loved. The tips of our fingers touched and I felt a sensation I had never known. True serenity.
Neither of us dared to say a word. That is, until my nerves decided to speak for me. I had an awful habit of speaking before thinking, especially when nervous.
“We, uh…” I stammered, my eyes fixated on hers. “We’re holding hands.” She snorted, giggling that precious little laugh of hers.
“Seems like it,” she replied with gritted teeth and a sinister smile. I didn’t trust that look. She clamped onto my wrist, pulling me towards her. “We’re gonna have to amputate!” she shouted, placing a playful karate chop against my arm. She didn’t get me very far with her pull; I was leaning at best.
“You’re right, we will have to amputate…” I laughed. “But who?” In retaliation, I pulled her towards me. We laughed as she fell completely into me. “Get off!” I said, pushing her away. “You’re gonna get even more stuck to me!” I really didn’t want her to get off of me. I would’ve been content to sit there in her embrace for hours.
A pathetic cry came from beneath us. “Huu huu… mummah!” the shrill voice cried. Nails on a goddamned chalkboard. Juniper dropped to her knees and peeked under the bench to see Lollipop crying into his hooves. “Meanie baww gib Wowwipop bad owies!” I looked to the left of the repugnant creature to see the culprit: a sweet gum fruit. They were notorious for their round, spiky shape. No wonder the little retard thought it was a ball.
I smiled at her. “You wanna go for lunch?” I asked, wondering if I had enough money to buy hers too. “I’ll even buy the little guy something.” God dammit. Apparently my mouth hadn’t gotten the memo that I was probably broke. She gave me a goofy smile and nodded.
“Sure,” she said, scooping Lollipop up into her hands and tickling his belly. “Just don’t hold my hand with your greasy burger fingies.” The little fluffy’s sobs quickly turned to giggles as Juniper employed her all-powerful fluffy whispering skills.
I scoffed, waving my hand at her. “Oh please, you love these burger fingies,” I told her. As we walked back to the car, Lollipop peeked over the confines of Juniper’s cupped hands to see me.
“Am nice mistah Mitcheww Wowwipop’s nyu daddeh nao?” I nearly fucking lost it. This guy was dead set on me being its dad. The only person I wanted calling me daddy for the foreseeable future was Juniper. I laughed aloud at that stupid joke. Daddy kinks are weird.
“Lollipop, leave him alone!” she half-scolded the fluffy. I shifted my gaze down to it.
“I don’t think so, little guy,” I explained to the fluffy. “Why do you ask?” Juniper’s eyes widened a bit at the fact that I was actually engaging in such a silly conversation.
“Nice mistah Mitcheww gib mummah huggies! Mummah awways teww Wowwipop how mummah wan huggies an kissies an speshuw fwen an-” the fluffy was cut off as Juniper clamped its mouth shut with her fingers. I looked up to see her beet red in the face and her glasses fogged up. The little creature was still trying its damnedest to spew bullshit from its mouth.
“Sweetie, please be quiet,” Juniper told the fluffy. Although phrased as a question, there was a certain tinge to her voice that indicated she wasn’t asking. She released the fluffy’s snout and the fluffy shrank into a ball in her palms. She didn’t look over at me or say anything. We just kept walking in silence. It was all clear to me now. Juniper was desperate for affection and I was giving it to her. I just had to keep playing into that. While she was staring straight forward, I snuck a peek into my wallet. Twenty bucks. Score.
We both climbed into the car and buckled up. I turned to face her. Her glasses were sitting in her lap and her face was in her hands. She looked as red as before. “You look like a strawberry,” I told her with a laugh. She groaned.
“Well I probably sound like a loser,” she responded dejectedly. She lowered her hands and looked up at me. She looked quite different with her glasses off. Her beautiful baby blues made her look like a princess. I laughed, taking her hand in my own.
“I am the King of Losers,” I proclaimed in a boisterous and regal manner. “You now have the privilege of being the Queen.” She smiled weakly. I figured she would be content with that. So I asked the most important question of all. “Where do you wanna eat?”
She scoffed incredulously. “Dude. Beefjoint. Now.” Perfect answer. Cheap, tasty, and close by. I’d been dining at Beefjoint since I could eat solid food. It was a small fast food restaurant with massive burgers in relation to the price. They were also one of the only places in town that allowed fluffies- which made sense considering it was owned by Peppermint’s family, the Moores. With our minds and mouths set on burgers, we peeled out down the block chanting “Beefjoint! Beefjoint! Beefjoint!” like lunatics. Even Lollipop joined in, sputtering “Beepjoin!” like an idiot. I wouldn’t buy that little fuck a hamburger if my life depended on it.
The parking lot was surprisingly tame for a Saturday afternoon. Only a handful of cars were present, but plenty of people were there. Skaters, wage slaves on their lunch breaks, dog walkers, fluffy walkers, and destitute loiterers. The actual inside of the restaurant didn’t look crowded. Juniper extended her hands towards me, coddling Lollipop. “Hold him for a second?” she requested, flashing me puppy dog eyes. I gritted my teeth into a forceful smile.
“Suuure,” I groaned, holding my hands out. This wasn’t gonna score me any panty shots, but I might get brownie points. Lollipop leapt over Juniper’s fingers and into my palms, trotting around in circles.
“Wub nice mistah Mitcheww suuuuu much!” it declared sweetly. I smiled weakly as I coaxed him into my right hand, opening the car door with my left. Juniper followed close behind me as we walked through the door. My eyes immediately wandered to the menu. What would I get? A half-pound deluxe was only $3.99, and it was a damn good burger. Maybe I’d try the-
“SHIIIIIIIIT!”
I slipped wildly on the wet tile floor, only noticing the bright yellow wet floor sign on my way down. Lollipop fell from my hand to the floor below, narrowly avoiding me as my skull slammed hard into the tile.
My head was pounding, my heart was pounding in my ears, and I was face-down in a puddle of mop water and embarrassment. I heard Juniper freaking out, but her words were muffled behind the ringing in my ears. My head still echoing with the impact of the fall, I lifted myself up slowly. I did my best to reassure Juniper. “Don’t worry, I’m-” I cut myself off as the blur in my vision dissipated. Juniper was holding Lollipop for dear life despite the fact that he looked absolutely fine. She didn’t even check on me.
I looked over to see an employee standing beside me. My hearing returned. “You okay there, pal?” he asked, extending a hand. I took it and he pulled me up. “That was one heck of a fall.” I nodded, causing my brain to hurt even worse.
“I’m fine,” I groaned sadly. “Thanks for fucking asking, Juniper,” I muttered to myself. Once that had settled down, I ordered the two of us burgers and a side of lettuce for Lollipop. Little bastard got lucky, if it was extra for more lettuce I’d have let it starve. I sat there watching the little pest munch on its “nummie sawad” while making small talk with Juniper. I couldn’t focus, though. Something rubbed me the wrong way.
She checked on that little fucker before me. Scratch that, she never even fucking checked on me. It was all I could do to resist reaching across the table and crushing Lollipop’s skull between my fingers. The realization came to me in the form of a burning anger deep within my core. The hand-holding, the flirting, all of it was great. But it meant nothing.
She considered me less important than a filthy fucking animal.
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