Greetings valued customers and partners alike, we at HasBio are proud to officially announce a very special line of products created to address the rising population of feral Fluffies and the issue of Fluffy overpopulation as a whole. For the next three months, citizens of the United States, Canada, Russia, East Asia and the Dominican Republic will get to see these marvels of genetic engineering do their jobs as part of a “test run” approved by your respective governments.
Soon after, these products will be available for purchase by both privately owned businesses and the average consumer alike, the level of availability depending on how successful said test run is in terms of numbers and public reaction.
We are of course, talking about our very much anticipated line of Fluffy Predators!
For those not in the know, we at HasBio have been working hard to create solutions to the considerable increase in feral Fluffies and the many issues that they have created, from bringing property values down to compromising agricultural productivity by eating and destroying crops and while our Fluffy Exterminators work hard and do their best, it’s simply not enough. To solve this crisis, we turned to one of our most seasoned bioengineers, Dr. Harissa Singh, who has proposed the creation of “natural” predators to cull the numbers of ferals and other problematic Fluffies.
After years of research and genetic experimentation, Dr. Singh and her crack team of specialists have developed ten unique creatures designed to be the perfect Fluffy hunters, each possessing unique traits and hunting techniques to ensure a considerable decrease in unwanted Fluffy infestation around the world and hopefully rid us of the filthy, troublesome pests that give our lovable friends a bad name once and for all!
Before we unveil our helpers in creating a safer, healthier relationship with our fluffy pals, we understand some of you may have some concerns.
“Can we trust these predators to not harm us, our pets, or our livelihoods?”
“Will they cause more problems than solve them?”
“What will stop them from mating like crazy and becoming an infestation themselves?”
Allow us to put your minds at rest and answer these questions right now!
Dr. Singh has designed her predators specifically with human safety in mind, which is why she personally gave us her guarantee that Predators pose no threat to us. Fluffy Predators are not only hardwired to hunt, kill and ingest Fluffies and only Fluffies but they are programmed to be completely benign to humanity, ignoring us at worst or being outwardly friendly and helpful at best. Thus, allowing all human beings whether they be predator owners or those who will meet a friendly neighborhood predator while walking down the street to maintain a safe and fulfilling symbiotic relationship akin to when our ancestors domesticated cats to rid their homes of rodents and other pests.
Extensive testing has been conducted to ensure this to be the case so rest assured, HasBio nor any of our associates or partners would ever willingly release something that could pose a threat to non-fluffy life. With that said, this does mean that domesticated Fluffies could theoretically be at high risk of being harmed by a Predator, if you are a proud Fluffy owner or own multiple Fluffies, be sure to teach them proper safety precautions regarding predators and take the necessary procedures to ensure that they are not at risk whether you are at home or enjoying a nice day out, remember, your Fluffy’s safety and wellbeing is YOUR responsibility!
Disclaimer: We must stress that Predators are only nonviolent towards humans as long as they are treated with respect and not provoked to act otherwise, HasBio is not responsible for injury, lose of limb or cause of death in result of willingly or accidentally provoking a predator.
You can also be confident in knowing that a “predator infestation” is a statistical impossibility as all predators are female and incapable of reproducing with one another as a result, crossbreeding with normal animals is also not possible as all predators are so genetically different form anything in our natural world that they are incapable of breeding with say, a dog or a cat, including those who do actually possess said DNA. All Predators are essentially made to order as well, so there will never be more predators than what is called for!
Without further ado, allow us to introduce the most exciting addition to the HasBio family to date!
The False Mare: The False Mare is designed to superficially resemble a Fluffy mare to attract prey, most notably foals and stallions. The False Mare is an eyeless Predator possessing a pair of “false eyes” that are actually external, pheromone secreting organs that exudes a scent identical to “milkies” to attract foals. To a Fluffy, The False Mare is nearly indistinguishable from the real thing despite possessing eyes that are obviously false to a discerning human as well as possessing slightly longer, more developed legs with hard, sturdy hooves suitable for giving chase. False Mares are also typically a fair bit larger than the average, full grown mare, this is yet another detail that Fluffies will never appoint to being suspicious in any way.
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After attracting suitable prey, The False Mare’s face will open in a flower-like fashion, splitting into six segments with the interiors lined with four rows of razor sharp teeth and from the False Mare’s esophagus will spring forth six, prehensile tongues somewhat resembling snakes or eels, each tongue possessing their own three-segmented “mouths” as well. The False Mare utilizes it’s four foot long tongues to quickly snatch and devour entire litters in one sitting or to hook and reel in one large meal such as fully grown stallion or heavily pregnant mare, mulching prey into mere pulp with it’s highly developed maw.
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The False Mare has an interesting quirk in that within a given litter or herd of Fluffies, there is an estimated 3-5% chance that a False Mare will imprint on a specific foal, leaving it to be the only survivor and promptly adopting it, acting as it’s surrogate mother. This odd adoption instinct usually involves foals that are seen as the odd one out of a group, such as runts, poopie babies, sensitive babies or disabled foals, it is unknown why this happens aside from the fact that almost half of the False Mare’s genetic composition is composed of Fluffy DNA but considering it’s effective hunting strategy and the amount of Fluffies a False Mare can kill and eat in a given moment, Dr. Singh still regards the False Mare as a highly effective predator.
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Genetic Composition: Fluffy (40%), American Alligator (30%), Sarcastic Fringehead (20%), Lamprey (10%)
The Balloon Jelly: Created to prey upon the few Fluffy subspecies capable of flight such as the Flutterfluffs. Balloon Jellies are essentially terrestrial jellyfish that are capable of floating in mid air via a system of gas filled chambers lining the interior of it’s protoplasmic membrane and are capable of floating as high as the stratosphere by inflating it’s body with said gas, expelling the gas and deflating to lower itself down whenever it’s craving land dwelling fair.
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Balloon Jellies typically use their pair of three foot long, squid-like tentacles lined with stinging, paralysis inducing neurotoxin to snatch up prey and bring them towards it’s mouth but when confronted with a large number of land dwelling Fluffies, the Balloon Jelly will protrude it’s tube-like esophagus from it’s mouth and perform immense suction capable of sucking up all Fluffies ranging from newborn to colt/filly in age caught in its vacuum, it’s elastic physiology allowing to easily devour large sums of prey without losing buoyancy.
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The Balloon Jelly’s body is completely see through, making it possible to observe Fluffies being digested in real time. The Balloon Jelly is capable of bioluminescence, glowing in a brilliantly colorful fashion during the night time, easily attracting any and all Fluffies that see it, their easily impressed minds captivated by its biological lightshow.
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Genetic Composition: Man O’ War Jellyfish (50%), Comb Jelly (20%), Japanese White Squid (15%), Chinese Giant Salamander (15%)
False Veggies: Also known as “Decoy Nummies”, False Veggies are carnivorous plants designed to convincingly resemble a wide variety of fruits and vegetables as well as smell indistinguishable from the real things, encouraging hungry ferals looking for food to unknowingly go towards their demise.
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False Veggies possess mouths lined with multiple rows of sharp teeth that allows them to sufficiently clamp onto prey and potentially kill them in one bite before swallowing them whole, their powerful digestive juices capable of making quick work of their prey.
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On top of their convincing disguises, False Veggies can “drool” a sweet smelling nectar that is simply irresistible to Fluffies, said nectar being incredibly adhesive and capable of easily immobilizing Fluffies, from which the False Veggie in question can then slurp them right up. False Veggies even possess a foot long, prehensile tongue that allows them to snatch small Fluffies, such as newborns or foals from a short distance.
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The larger a False Veggie is, the more or larger the Fluffies it can consume in one sitting, the Watermelon Breed for instance is capable of making quick work of a full grown stallion. False Veggies can be differentiated from real produce by noting a wavy, striped pattern, a detail Fluffies hardly ever notice as test results clearly show. False Veggies are ideal Predators for farmers looking to protect their assets from pilfering ferals.
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Genetic Composition: Various Fruits & Vegetables (45%), Various Carnivorous Plants (35%), Black Piranha (15%), Beezlebufo (5%)
The Screenslayer: Screenslayers are squat, quasi-reptilian, quasi-mammalian humanoids ranging at around three to four feet tall, possessing clear bellies that showcase color-changing innards obscured by a mass of vivid, natural gases comprising mostly of neon gas, massive, swirling eyes that dominates most of their craniums, a glowing proboscis on the top of their heads similar to an anglerfish’s, curled, eight inch long claws and a two foot long tails that are usually curled up when not in use.
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Screenslayers are capable of reflexively controlling the pigmentation of their innards in a “strobe light” manner that reacts to their natural gases, resulting in a hypnotizing display of colors and patterns that Fluffies find irresistible to stare at. After looking at the Screenslayer’s “screen” long enough, effected Fluffies will start to hallucinate imagery and even sounds associated with Fluff TV programs such as “Sketty Time” and “Babehs!”, encouraging the Fluffy(s) to call other Fluffies in their vicinity to watch with them, truly believing that this creature is a living TV.
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After amassing a sufficient audience, the Screenslayer will stretch it’s maw four times it’s original dimensions and swallow their prey whole, using it’s large, hooked claws to simply scoop them all into it’s mouth, the Fluffies being completely distracted by the Screenslayer’s illusions to even be aware until it’s too late.
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Genetic Composition: Chameleon (30%), Sun Bear (25%), Mimic Octopus (20%), Gulper Eel (10%), Aye-Aye (10%), Glass Frog (5%)
The Sketty Mimic: The Sketty Mimic, as its name implies, is a patient ambush predator designed to lure in prey by resembling a Fluffy’s favorite food. The Sketty Mimic is a large, slug-like Predator taking an off-yellow coloration and averaging at around the same size as a full grown English Bulldog, possessing a mass of many tentacles on it’s back resembling spaghetti noodles and a pair of eyestalks with large eyeballs resembling meatballs.
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The Sketty Mimic hunts by flattening it’s body to a saucer-like shape and covering up it’s body with it’s noodle-like back tendrils, it will then secrete a red-colored neurotoxin resembling marinara sauce and a pheromone that smells of freshly cooked sketty, staying completely still until prey arrives.
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Once Fluffy(s) have predictably taken the bait, the neurotoxin will take hold in mere seconds, inducing seizures and painful paralysis where the Sketty Mimic will then strike, opening an immense, toothy maw that takes up nearly 70% of its entire body and rip it’s helpless prey apart.
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The Sketty Mimic possesses impressive regenerative abilities that allows it to regrow any “noodles” that its prey might have eaten in just a few hours.
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Genetic Composition: Sea Anemone (30%) Banana Slug (20%), Hagfish (20%), Ghariel (20%), Sea Krait (10%)
The Death Song: The Death Song is an amphibious predator with an upper body resembling a small primate but completely lacking hair, possessing chitonous skin, large black eyes and long, thin bony claws, it’s lower half is fish-like and possessing six legs reminiscent of crab or spider legs.
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The Death Song is designed specifically to hunt Aqua Fluffies as well as land dwelling Fluffies that try to take a drink from it’s habitat, skewering them with it’s claws before dragging them into the water to devour them alive. When hunting Aqua Fluffies, The Death Song will emit a “siren song” made with it’s highly sophisticated vocal chords that mimics the Aqua Fluffy’s vocalization of the “Mummah Wuvs Babehs” song, attracting any and all Aqua Fluffies in it’s vicinity.
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Once attracting a suitable number of Aqua Fluffies, the Death Song will release a bubble of highly compressed, superheated air created from immense pressure that, upon bursting, will cause severe brain hemorrhaging and third degree burns to all prey caught in it’s radius, from there, the Death Song will happily feast on the smorgasbord of flash fried Aqua Fluffies, skewering and eating them off it’s claws like shish-kabobs.
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The Death Song is one of the most mentally developed of the Fluffy Predators, displaying complex problem solving skills, learning patterns and emotional depth on par with a five year old.
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The Death Song is amphibious in nature, allowing it to survive on land for hours at a time before needing to return to the water and it8s highly adaptable, being able to thrive in fresh water, salt water and even polluted water in places like sewers and waste dumps.
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Genetic Composition: Howler Monkey (30%), Ghost Shark (30%), Mantis Shrimp (25%), Deep Sea Isopod (10%), Mudskipper (5%)
The Assassin Bug: Known affectionately as “The Harvester” by Dr. Singh, The Assassin Bug is an insectoid Predator baring a resemblance to a humanoid praying mantis ranging at around four to five feet tall in height, possessing a massive left raptorial leg that ranges up to ten feet in length when fully uncurled and covered in lethally sharp and pointed, chitonous spines, it’s right arm being a human-like arm covered in a chiton exo-skeleton like the rest of it’s body and ending in a three digit hand.
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The Assassin Bug possesses two sac organs on its chest superficially resembling mammaries containing a sticky, green silk that it can utilize while hunting. The Assassin Bug utilizes it’s unique “switchblade” raptorial arm to cut down entire herds of Fluffies in one fell swoop, it’s flesh piercing, teeth-like spines combined with the Assassin Bug’s great swinging strength allows it slice and dice Fluffies into bloody chunks before they even have time to react.
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The Assassin Bug’s sleek and light weight physiology allows it to run at speeds clocking in at 60 MPH and leap incredible distances of up to thirty feet in a single bound, making it one of the most sufficient Predators at our disposal.
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The Assassin Bug can produce a sticky silk from its mouth that it can use to save prey for later, patch up wounds when applicable and make pelts. Yes, make pelts, Assassin Bugs have an interesting quirk in that they like to fashion pelts from their prey, proudly wearing pelts and cloaks made from the skin and fur of multiple Fluffies stitched together with their silk, Assassin Bugs have even shown to compare and admire each other’s pelts
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Genetic Composition: Praying Mantis (50%), Human (40%), Fiddler Crab (10%)
The Siren Viper: One of the few Predators possessing human-like intelligence and the only Predator so far capable of speech. The Siren Viper is a snake-like predator most resembling a twelve foot long cobra with a purple and black coloration, four smoldering red eyes, spines running down it’s back and a false face on it’s hood resembling eyes with eyelash-like markings and a pair of smiling lips.
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The Siren Viper uses a combination of alluring songs and psycho-suggestive pheromones to hypnotize large numbers of Fluffies to devour them with zero struggle, luring them in with their song to then bombard them with intoxicating pheromones released from gill-like slits on it’s body that induces an enhanced state of suggestibility and intense euphoria, making Fluffies more than willing to walk right down the Siren Viper’s throat with just a few nice, encouraging words.
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The Siren Viper is one of the most ravenous Predators at our disposal, capable of swallowing eight full grown stallions or a little over four dozen foals before feeling full but they aren’t greedy by any means as multiple Siren Vipers are capable of cooperating with each other to maximize their meals, clueing the other in on Fluffy “hot spots” and even helping other Predators for a cut of the bounty in exchange.
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Siren Vipers are very friendly towards humans, some would even say to a flirtatious degree. Siren Vipers are capable of defending themselves by spitting a highly corrosive venom capable of reducing a foal to a boiling puddle of gore in seconds up to twenty feet away.
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Genetic Composition: Cottonmouth Viper (40%), Human (25%), Parasitoid Wasp (20%), Spitting Cobra (10%), Black Swallower (5%)
The Troglodyte: A Predator that has gained notoriety in Fluffy circles as something of their equivalent to the boogeyman during tests and field research, much to the delight of Dr. Singh. The Troglodyte is designed to be a Predator best suited in hunting Fluffies in subterranean areas such as sewers, tunnels, underground Fluffy colonies and even attics and basements.
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The Troglodyte is a furry, six foot tall humanoid with a perpetually hunched stature, long matted hair that obscures it’s flat monkey-like face and permanent snaggletoothed grin, long, practically stick-like, double-jointed arms and legs, retractable claws with a length of thirteen inches, large bat-like ears and snout and small, black eyes.
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The Troglodyte is an intelligent, cunning, adaptable and relentless hunter that isn’t above prolonging the suffering of it’s prey before eating them, gleefully partaking in causing great pain to Fluffies and finding their cries and whimpers greatly amusing, often responding to them with husky, guttural laughter.
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The Troglodyte hunts by using it’s sharp, bony claws to skewer Fluffies before ripping their flesh off their bones to then munch on their bones in a casual manner afterwards, nothing going to waste. The Troglodyte is an exceptional burrower, using its sharp claws and strong hands to dig deep pits and tunnel below prey to get the drop them. The Troglodyte is capable of improvising exceptionally well and is shown to experiment with its hunting techniques to see what works best in its current environment.
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The Troglodyte is completely blind and hunts by using it’s highly evolved senses of hearing, smell, taste and touch, as well as utilizing echolocation to tell the difference between objects and locate prey from far distances. The Troglodyte even comes equipped with webbed hands and feet that allow for sufficient swimming abilities and aquatic hunting activity when applicable.
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The Troglodyte is omnivorous and has a surprisingly well developed palette, having been observed to “pair” Fluffies with certain fruits, vegetables and other food in a surprisingly sophisticated manner.
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Genetic Composition: Chimpanzee (35%), Ghost Bat (20%), Maned Wolf (20%), Kodiak Bear (15%), Human (5%), Wolverine Frog (5%)
The Night Howler: HasBio’s Ultimate Apex Predator, neither rain, nor snow, nor hail can curb this certified hellhound’s appetite for pesky ferals of any breed or subspecies. The Night Howler resembles a pitch black wolf ranging at around thirteen feet long and ten feet high with an eyeless, skull-like face and fang-filled muzzle, multiple segments of exo-skeletal armor adorning it’s deceptively gaunt body, serrated claws, a bladed tail and small, bat-like wings sprouting from it’s shoulders.
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The Night Howler is a truly top of the line Fluffy Hunter, possessing strength, speed and ferocity that allows it to prey on larger game such as Fluffaloes and our XL Models, exceptionally sharp senses that make hiding from the Night Howler a fruitless endeavor and a steadfastly loyal demeanor to those it imprints on makes them the perfect fluffy hunting companion.
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The Night Howler is capable of separating it’s tail into eight fur-covered tendrils of elastic muscle tipped with large, fang-like blades that the Night Howler can expertly control to rip and tear any number or species Fluffy it comes across in positively blinding speeds. It’s serrated, knife-like claws and sabre-like fangs also make for the perfect close ranged tools.
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The Night Howler gets it’s namesake from it’s frighteningly powerful howl that triggers the fear response in the brains of all Fluffies that hear it, causing them to enter a state of uncontrollable panic that makes them all the easier to for the Night Howler to strike down and devour, in terms of decibels, this howl is so strong that Fluffies at close enough range will suffer from burst eardrums and brain hemorrhaging, both organs being pretty sensitive to begin with.
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The Night Howler’s wings are purely vestigial and don’t allow the ability of flight as a result but Dr. Singh does aim to develop a Flying model sometime in the next five years.
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Genetic Composition: Grey Wolf (60%), Giant Spectral Vampire Bat (20%), Vampire Squid (15%), Red Fox (5%)
We hope you enjoyed this announcement and if you thought our Predators sounded fascinating, just wait until you see them in action!
If you are interested in pre-ordering a Predator so that you can receive one as soon as they become available to public ownership, please visit any of our websites or inquire about Fluffy Predators at any HasBio endorsed location, such as FluffMart and Foals R’ Us!
~ From, your friends at HasBio Labs
HasBio: Where Fun Comes to Life! ™
great job on fleshing these out :3