Mr. Adams’ Guide to Practical Fluffs - Part 2
by Oculus
featuring art by Gowdie, Foxhoarder, McGonagall, MarcusMaximus and Fluffus
“Siwwy daddeh. Bu’ siwwy daddeh is bestest daddeh. Wuv siwwy daddeh!”
You love fluffies!
And, as Mr Adams hugs the ferret-like Mauve, you are reminded why you love Fluffies so much.
Sam places Mauve down and says to her, “You take care Mauve, okay? Daddy’s going to show my friend here around the place.”
Mauve radiates a happy beam, as you two leave the pen.
~
~Gowdie~
Adjacent to Mauve’s room is another room that bears the inscription “Goldilocks on it”. Sam knocks on the door, and says “Goldie, we’re coming!”
“mmOtay mammeh!” The voice soundled rather mumbled.
A Gowdie Mare with foals (Artist: Gowdie)
As you step in, you see a fluffy working on a fairly detailed painting, and holding a paintbrush in its mouth. Perhaps that why it was not able to speak properly just now. The fluffy drops the paintbrush from its mouth, as it greets Sam and you. A beige coloured fluffy, it has blonde pigtails. As you look carefully at it, you noticed some similarities between the Foxhoarder and this fluffy, with less fluff around the legs. However, its body length seems shorter, and its overall body size seems smaller.
“Is this a microfluff?” you ask Sam.
“Not really.”
As he holds Goldilocks in the palm of his hand, he explains, “Goldilocks here, or Goldie as I call her, is of the Gowdie breed. Gowdies were the result of crossbreeding between three different fluffy breeds – the Aichi, the Marcusmaximus, and the Mutagen. The result was a Type 2 fluffy like this, that’s about the size of a cup.” Sam holds up a coffee cup he somehow had in his left pocket, as he continues, “They’re about twice the size of the average adult Micro-fluff, but half the size of the boar types, and slightly smaller than Coalhearts and Foxhoarders. They are a very unique breed.”
“They look like those tribbles from Star Trek.”
Sam nods, as he keeps musing, “They kind of do. They’re not as agile as the other fluffy breeds.”
Sam places Goldilocks down, back into her pen. The fluffy then proceeds to play with a dreidl, as it sings a little song.
Jewish Fluffies (Artist: Gowdie)
*“Oh, dweidew, dweidew, dweidew
Fwuff made fwen out of cway
Oh, dweidew, dweidew, dweidew
‘den dweidew fwuff shall play!”
“Its legs are much shorter than the other fluffies.” You start thinking that it performs most actions with its mouth.
“Don’t underestimate Gowdies though. Or any Type 2 Fluffy for that matter.
Fluffy Tip #19 (Artist:Gowdie)
You may not realize this, but the room we are currently in, along with Mauve’s room, is CERN-compliant.”
You blink your eyes.
“CERN? As in the European Organization for Nuclear Research, THAT CERN?”
“Yes. While its not true for all Type 2 breeds, there seems to be a recurring ability for these fluffy breeds to be able to break the laws of physics.”
Being rather dumbfounded by such a stupendous claim, you ask Sam, very simply, “What the flying fuck are you talking about?”
Sam holds his hands up, and begs of you “Let me finish.”
The Nuusphere (Artist: Foxhoarder)
“It all started one day when I discovered Mauve in a water dispenser. I was ready to blame it on the assumed Fluffy stupidity, but it seemed so impossible for Mauve to even get inside the water cooler. Also, as a Foxhoarder, Mauve couldn’t be that dumb.
The phenomena was even more noticeable around Gowdies. Back when I was volunteering at a shelter, Gowdies always had this knack of being in random places, especially in ones that they weren’t supposed to be in.
That’s when I did a little experiment.”
Minutes before breaking the laws of physics (Artist: Foxhoarder)
Whipping out his smartphone, again, Sam shows a video he had. There are two foxhoarders, in a room, with a pile of blocks. One foxhoarder, a Pegasus, is standing on three blocks, while the other, a unicorn, is thinking.
“I placed these two Foxhoarders together in a locked room. Normally, most fluffies are not able to get out of a locked room. But then, something happened.”
The unicorn moves the second block from the first. He asks his friend to jump a bit, and he quickly places the second block on top of the third. The two blocks are now hovering in literal mid-air, allowing the Pegasus to reach for the door handle.
“How the fuck does this even happen?!”
“We don’t know,” beams Sam, as he continues, “but what we do know is that it breaks most known laws of physics. The phenomena is even noticeable around Gowdies, which, despite their seeming lack of mobility, are capable of going anywhere, as long as they are not visibly noticed.”
He then shows you a time-lapse video of a pair of Gowdies in one room. They suddenly teleport to the top of a kitchen shelf, and start raiding a cookie jar.
“Because of this, ABAP advises having a CERN-compliant safe room if you own a fluffy of the Gowdie, Foxhoarder or Filialcacophony breed.”
~
~McGonagall~
Upon departing Goldie’s room, Sam escorts you to the first floor, and out to his backyard. There, you can see a girl with blonde hair, freckles, and the nicest smile, wearing a cotton shirt and suspenders. She had been attending to a rather unusual fluffy.
“Hey there Jackie”
“Hey there, sugarcube.”
As Mr Adams walks towards the young woman, you catch a brief moment when she pinches her on the butt and gives it a little squeeze.
“This here is Jacqueline. She’s from a shelter, and she’s one of the people who helps me with my fluffies. Particularly, of the next breed we’re going to talk about: the McGonagall.”
Mr Adams then whispers something in Jacqueline’s ear. She blushes, then giggles. You wonder if it had been something dirty.
A McGonagall mare with foals (Artist:McGonagall)
After seeing Jacqueline off, Sam holds up the Fluffy that she was tending to. You observe the little munchkin. Like Velvet, it has a lot of fluff concentrated around its cheek areas. However, unlike the Yehdoo breed, its legs are a lot shorter. In addition, its fluff is a lot thicker than in any of the other fluffy breeds you had encountered earlier, with fluff covering its entire body.
“This”, introduces Sam, “is the McGonagall. A Scottish breed, it is one of the more animal fancy breeds of fluffykind. They were introduced about 5 years ago by one veteran breeder at Hasbio. He had experience with other fluffy breeds, but he spent a lot of time crossbreeding fluffies until he made this particular line.
Feel its fluff.”
You gently caress the fluff of the McGonagall. Unlike other fluffies, the fluff of this creature fees like the kind of wool a sheep produces
However, upon touching it, the fluff relates, and starts to scold you
“Dummeh hummeh! Weave smawty awone or git sowwy huwties.”
“Alas,” bemoans Sam, “McGonagalls seem to have a penchant for developing smartie traits. Whether it’s the Unicorn, Pegasus or even Earth lines, most McGonagalls are pretty much difficult to work with. It is why it is advised, if you own a McGonagall, to isolate them, especially from other McGonagalls. Thankfully, because of their small size, McGonagall’s are only a real danger to other McGonagalls, and other creatures smaller than them.”
“I don’t see the appeal in a fluffy like this.”
“Ah yes, but the fluff felt like wool right?”
As you nod, he continues “These adult fluffs fetch for about US$4800, twice the price of a Yehdoo, which is already a pedigree breed. As toy animals, they’re mostly bred for rich people who seem to enjoy owning absurdly pricey pets. Of course, because they develop Smarty traits, Hasbio has been very adamant to make sure McGonagalls are neutered before they are sold on the market.”
“Seems to be a pampered upbringing and an overly placed importance on these types make them into Smarties.”
Sam shrugs, continuing, “I was chatting with Jackie about that, and she had this odd belief that every time a rich person dies, a McGonagall is born. I don’t agree with her, but we do agree that McGonagalls are not really worth the effort. I mean, for Ralph here, I’m already planning to sell him off because he’s been so needy. I’m thankful I managed to find a buyer.”
Mr Adams places the McGonagall down, and the fluffy runs off to eat some kibble.
“There’s one more fluffy left. I’ll have to take you to the basement.”
~
~Marcusmaximus~
Marcusmaximus fluffies playing D&D (Artist:MarcusMaximus)
As the two of you descend the staircase leading to the basement, you could hear the familiar voices of Prince, and Maurice, who you were introduced to earlier in the day.
“Oh noes! Fwuffy ned heaws!”
“Dun wurry fwen! Fwuffy wiww save fwen!”
You then hear a third voice. Unmistakably, a fluffy, but a bit deeper, and a bit more boisterous.
“Har har! Rexxie wiww beat dummeh hewoes!”
Upon reaching the basement, you see a very elaborate games room made for the fluffies. While similar to their respective pens in the mansion, the games rooms has even more entertainment for the fluffies. A miniature lawn made of plastic grass where a fluffy can play lawn bowls. A small billard table. A small court with a soccer ball. And, in a soundproof area, you spy Velvet, watching TV.
The activity at the moment though, is coming from a table where Prince and Maurice are sitting, with sheets scribbled with crayons. There is a third Fluffy, who is a boar type just like Prince, but seems to be a bit more rugged, a bit more sturdier. He has a nice blue and orange colour mix. As the fluffies talk among themselves, Rexxie uses his two hooves to carry what looks like a ball.
No, it is not a ball. You then realize what it is. It’s a 24 sided dice, like the sort used in Dungeons & Dragons. Except, made much larger, and off a soft, durable material.
As the third fluffy throws the dice, it lands and gives a reading of 24.
“CWITICAL HIT!”
“Aww!!”
Both Prince and Maurice moan in playful defeat. They had lost the game. The third fluffy, with a book before him, filled with crayon scribblings, continues to laugh exuberantly.
“Hello Rexxie!”
Rexxie stops laughing, and sees his owner. “Oh hewwo Daddeh! Hewwo Daddeh speshul fwen!”
You are taken aback. You have known Sam to fool around, but not in that way.
Rexxie laughs again, “HA! Rexxie onwy bein’ siwwy!”
Sam smiles, as he introduces Rexxie. “This here, is Rexxie, a Marcusmaximus. And, I might add, a gamer fluffy.”
“Gamer, huh? So that’s explains why these three fluffies were busy playing D&D?”
“Yup! Usually I am the Dungeon Master, and host most of the games, but Rexxie has been able to host a few games for Prince and Maurice. Sadly, his games mostly revolve around him playing some kind of Bowser-like villain.”
You bend down, and see the scribblings. Although all done in crayon, and looking rather haphazard, given that a lot of the writing was done with the mouth, you are still surprised by the level of complexity and math that would be needed to run even just a simple game of D&D for a fluffy.
“How did you pull this off?” you openly wonder.
‘Well, this is a bit of a trade secret at Hasbio, but, Hasbio has actually made fluffies able to understand some of the basic workings of D&D. The early geneticists, and later, breeders who raised the fluffies had been mandated by Hasbro to learn a very basic RPG. The idea was to cross-promote D&D with fluffies.
Of course, that promotion never really worked out, but the engineering is still there.”
“So, you’re telling me that fluffies can play RPGs?”
“Yup. Though at the moment, most fluffies only seem to be able to play D&D.
However, Rexxie here is really unique.”
Turning to Rexxie, Sam says “Rexxie, lets start up Da Macheen.”
Rexxie gives off a wicked smile and says, “Heww yeh.”
~
A Gamer Fluffy (Artist: MarcusMaximus)
Da Macheen has some of the basic controls meant to accommodate fluffies, including an on-off switch, a pad that is analogous to a tablet. However, as you examine it a bit closer, you realize that the controls, while connected to a screen were also connected to a secondary device. You then realize what it is.
“This is a PC!”
“A gaming PC, my friend.”
As if it was natural to him, Rexxie moves his hooves around the pad, and starts a game. And, as you see the recognizable images of the infested Kerrigan and Artanis, you recognize what game it is.
“That’s Starcraft.”
You can’t believe what you are seeing.
Rexxie is actually playing Starcraft. Rexxie. A fluffy. Playing Starcraft.
“How….”
“Rexxie here is a real gamer fluffy. It may not seem apparent, but he’s actually managing about 25 APM, just with those two buttons, and tapping around that pad. I’ve been trying to get his APM higher, but, for a fluffy, that is really impressive.”
Another Gamer Fluffy (Artist:MarcusMaximus)
After watching Rexxie play Starcraft for about 15 minutes, Sam kneels down to him, and says, “Okay Rexxie, that’s enough Starcraft for today.”
“Awww,” bemoans Rexxie.
“I tell you what, Rex. I’ll host a RPG session for you today.”
An excited Rex lits up. “Yay! Rexxie wuv Daddeh’s game!”
As Samuel Adams stands up, he turns to you and says “Welp, I got to host a game for these munchkins. I’ll esc-“
“Actually, I want to watch the game.”
Sam is surprised. And then, he smiles.
“Alright then!”
As Sam sits down at the head of the table, and with Rexxie, Maurice and Prince assuming their respective positions as Warrior, Wizard and Cleric. Sam starts the game, with a narration.
“Once upon a time, you are traveling with a small herd to Winterhaven…”
~
You went back home late that night. But you don’t regret it.
Meeting Sam’s fluffies had awaken you to a world of fluffies that you had never seen before. While you’ve been happy hugging the fluffies at the fluffy café, and reminiscing of your old Buwwito, the breeds that you were introduced that day makes you wish you can learn more about fluffies from him.
~
~Fluffus~
Star (Artist: Fluffus)
It has been about a month since your last encounter with Sam. But you’ve meeting him again. This time, at the park. The park stands at the edge of a forest, located near the city.
After walking a good few miles within the park, you find Sam alone, in outdoor gear, and carrying a pair of binoculars. His eyes are trained on the woods beyond the city, as he is crouched down, behind a bench on the pavement.
For a good five minutes, keeps surveying the forest. Then, in a hushed voice, he whispers in fulfilled anticipation, “There it is!”
Before you could ask what he meant, he takes off the binoculars, and offers it to you. Looking through the lens, Sam gently nudges you towards a specific position.
And that’s when you see it.
It looks like a sort of Shetland pony. But it has all the grace and manner of a Clydesdale. Strong, independent, and fearless. For a few moments, you are wondering why Sam has brought you out all this way to see a wild miniature horse. Then it dawns on you, that miniature horses usually aren’t feral.
And more importantly, miniature horses don’t have unicorn horns.
This is a fluffy. But its like no other fluffy you have seen before.
“What kind of Fluff is that?” you gasp, in quiet awe.
“It’s the rare and magnificent Fluffus. They are like the Shire and the Clydesdale versions of Fluffies. They are among the larger breeds of fluffies, and possess a strength other fluffies don’t usually have. They also do not breed quite rapidly – the average gestation rate for a Fluffus is at about 9 to 12 months, closer to that of a horse compared to other Fluffy breeds.”
Lowering the binoculars, you turn to the Sam, and you ask, “Surely Hasbio has attempted to control and maintain some domestic version of this breed?”
“Ah yes. But see the domestic Fluffus is not the same as the feral, or wild Fluffus. The domestic Fluffus loses a lot of the nobility and independence that the non-domesticated variants have developed. Feral Fluffuses are also very aggressive, and the feral Fluffus herd tends to survive in the wild longer than any other feral fluffy herd, despite their lower gestation. I remember hearing stories about a white Fluffus alicorn, which escaped from its farm, and started its own herd. Usually, herds like those die out within a year, but his herd has persisted.
Star’s Herd (Artist: Fluffus)
I’ve always wanted to own a Fluffus. But, at the same time, I don’t want to own a Fluffus. The Fluffus I would like to own is a wild or feral one, with that independent stride, that fearless demeanour, and that unparalleled grace. Because they don’t breed as rapidly, they feel like genuine horses, except that they can talk. So, in that way, I don’t want to own a Fluffus.”
After finishing his sentence, Sam takes an apple out of his pocket, and then gives a whistle. Bringing up the binoculars, you see the Fluffus hear the whistle, and walk towards Sam. It starts to sprint, and you realize that it gallops like a real horse, and at a speed faster than any fluffy waddle. During the past few days, you have seen the races between Waggytails and Yehdoos, but the speed of this Fluffus rivals and perhaps outdoes those. You wonder to yourself, what exactly is this creature?
And at the back of your mind, you think that, if Man had created Fluffy, then the Fluffus is God and Nature testing and perfecting the Fluffy.
The Fluffus stands before Sam. Sam, a little wary, bends down, and places the apple, while holding his hand up high to maintain a distance.
“Hello Arthur.”
“Huwwo, Mistah Adams.”
The speech is fluffylike, but the voice is dignified, and very British. Arthur walks up to the apple and eats it. He eats it like a horse, but compared to the more sloppy manner most fluffies eat, its horse-like way of eating the food feels like seeing nobility eat.
“Fank yu, kind mistah.”
The Fluffus then gallops away.
Sam looks on, and sighs. “I don’t want to own a Fluffus. I want to keep Arthur as a friend in the wild.”
~
“That’s like eight breeds you’ve introduced me to so far.”
“Indeed. Indeed.”
Sam then turns to you, and chuckles, “But we’re only getting started.”
END OF PART 2
