Blog entry: I went to the Mega Fluffmart at Pasir Putih today
By Oculus
with art by Carpdime and photos by Oculus
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I decided to go to Fluffmart for dinner one day. It would sound like an odd decision given that I don’t own a fluffy, but rumour had it that the cafe at Fluffmart served some of the best spaghetti within the island. Being an adventurous gourmand, I was prepared to take the long one-hour trip from my house to the other end of the island purely to find out if this pasta dish was up to spec.
Upon getting off the bus, I was greeted to the sight of three giant buildings which comprise the “retail park” located within the Pasir Putih residential town in Singapore. One belonged to a giant hypermart chain, while the other was owned by a local electronics giant. The third was the Mega-Fluffmart that was my destination for this intended day. Aside from food though, I had another reason for wanting to visit the Fluffmart today.
To put into context, Fluffmart Singapore does not sell Fluffy Ponies. About a few years back, laws were passed that recognized fluffies not only as pet animals, but also as sentient pet animals specifically, complete with rights. This regulation came about as a result of complaints about the mistreatment and mishandling of fluffies due to their previous definition as biotoys, as well as the psychological distress this mistreatment had on the general human populace. As such, the breeding and sale of fluffies was to be handled by farms approved by the National Parks Board, with all kinds of regulations including ensuring that fluffies were bred in a humane and dignified manner, and owners were required to have a license as well as be aware of the origin and parenthood of the fluffies they had purchased. In addition, the sale of newborn foals was banned, as foals had to be at least two months of age before they could be sold. Due to these rather stringent demands, the Fluffmart branch in Singapore decided to abandon the direct sale of fluffies. And yet, Fluffmart still remained in Singapore for over a decade now.
So, what exactly did this huge ass Fluffmart sell?
~
Upon entering the first floor of the giant Fluffmart store, I was greeted to a display of a living room setup. However, this living room was designed with fluffies in mind. Aside from the fluff television, the sofas that were place in front of the TV had a small and comfortable flight of stairs that led to the sitting area of the sofa. The idea behind it was that a fluffy could climb these stairs to sit beside their owner. Included with the sofa, tv, carpet and assortment of toys, was a cardboard cut-out of a fluffy, with the entire display surrounded by plastic fencing to prevent the visitors from affecting its contents.
There wasn’t much of a crowd as it was a Tuesday afternoon, but there was a steady number of people and fluffies entering the building. Right beside me, a cyan foal walked up towards the cardboard cutout.
“Hewwo nyu fwen,” the foal said, waving his hoof. Of course, the cutout did not respond. “Dummeh babbeh.” That came from a blue mare accompanying the foal. It was most likely the foal’s mother, as she corrected him, “Dat fwuffy nu am weaw. It am onwy dispway.”
“Dis-pway?” questioned the foal, as he tried to understand what his mother was trying to explain. He then figured out a recognizable word. “Pway, wike as in toysie?”
“Yus,” sighed the mother fluffy. However, she had to elaborate, “dis am a toysie for da hummehs. Fwuffies nu can touch.”
I guess that explanation was the best for the moment.
~
There were two flights of escalators that led to the top floor, with the top floor being the level where most of the show rooms were depicted. It was also at this level where the Fluffmart café was located, though I decided I would head there last, after having my planned dinner.
The first thing I saw on the fourth floor was entire mock-ups of potential safe rooms of various size. And the first safe room was, to put it mild, very indulgent. It had everything in it, from a nature play area, to a little box with a hug in mechanism. It had a LED TV set with hoof friend on/off and volume switches, as well as a cushion for the fluffy to rest on. There were specialized trays that could hold a three course mean for any fluffy, whether it was warm spaghetti, kibble, with chilled platters for jello or fruit. Around the mock-up of the play room was various toys of all kinds, whether it was a rubber duck, or a large teddy bear. There were various lights, as well as a memory foam mattress for the fluffy to sleep on at night. There was even a fridge, where a fluffy could retrieve chilled fruit and jello for the occasional snack. And every item that was displayed in this mock room was for sale. There was even a little reading corner where books could be mounted, and a special control could be used for the fluffies to turn the page. Most interestingly though was the fact that book on display was the famous “The Unicorn who flew”. And yes, it also had a price tag.
But of course, this was a deliberately extravagant room for show purposes. The other show rooms had similar trappings but were not as luxurious as the first. A large sign could be seen near one of the simpler mock-ups that said “Create a dream room for your fluffy for less than $1400.
The Fluffmart store was filled with all kinds of images depicting happy fluffies in what was considered to be ideal settings related to their products. One of the ones that caught my eye was this one:
As I kept walking through the mock-ups, I noticed that one little fluffy was holding a pair of chopsticks in her mouth. Opening one of the show cabinets, she promptly placed the sticks back in the cabinet, then closed it. From what I gathered, and although the sticks themselves were not for sale, they didn’t have a price tag either – theoretically, any person could just take those chopsticks.
That was a thing that I observed. There were families here that were their pet fluffies to take a look at the potential furniture, toys and utilities they could but for their dream room. Of course, many of the fluffies might not realize this, and saw this as another place to, well, have fun. A common game I noticed that the fluffies were playing was hide-and-seek, as some would try to hide under the bed, or in the closet from their fellow owners or partners. The occasional groan could be heard when they were caught.
While walking around the show rooms, a thing I kept seeing plastered on a floor were signs that clearly stated “No gathering or waiting here.” It didn’t take too much to figure out why these signs were plastered everywhere – although the building’s security was well equipped to prevent the occasional feral herd from ever entering this build, fluffies were social enough creatures that an “accidental” herd could form. Thus, in a fluffy-friend place like this one, an emphasis was made to ensure that fluffies and their families were socially distanced from each other, to ensure that they did not make themselves out to be a nuisance.
One thing that caught my eye was the advertisement for Fluffmart’s own take on Fluffy insurance. Having remembered some of Fluffmart’s scandals in the past, the thought of Fluffmart themselves providing insurance seemed laughable. Also, compared to the similar insurance schemes offered by AIA and Prudential for fluffies, Fluffmart’s insurance premiums didn’t seem as good.
Moving past the larger show rooms, I was approaching an area that showed the smaller playpens for young foals. Although fluffy foals could only be sold after having reached two months of age, fluffy foals at this age are still about the size of a hamster. Thus, Fluffmart were selling simple placements, about the size of a baby cot, that could hold more than one foal.
The tagline for this little playpen said “grows with your fluffy”. It came complete with a feed box, a night light, drainage and a litter box. There was a small foal bed, but the plan was that this bed was only meant for the foal to sleep on. As the fluffy would reach adulthood within a year, this small pen could be converted into a bed for an adult fluffy.
Aside from furniture, the one thing that Fluffmart did sell was toys. And boy were there plenty of toys that could be bought at Fluffmart.
One of the toys that caught my interest was this toy register. It was pretty much a glorified calculator, but given that it was marketed as a toy both for adult fluffies and three year old children, it made me wonder to what extent mathematical knowledge was taught to fluffies. I’ve been hearing about fluffies being employed to do simple math equations.
There was also this mat that I noticed had a sort of top-down raceway design on it. A lot of the fluffies at the store were keen on getting it, as it went well with their toy cars.
And of course, there was many, many different types of plushies being sold here. Or, as Fluffies would call them, ‘Stuffy fwens” (which was what these plushies were also labelled as). One thing I noticed is that there was A LOT of Dinosaur themed fluffies. Aside from the average female fluffy hugging a cute teddy bear, there was at least male fluffies (as well as a few male kids) taking a dinosaur fluffy and mock-fighting with it.
Having seen enough of the fourth floor, with the show rooms and toys, I decided to head the third floor, where the majority of fluffy amenities and complimentary goods could be purchased. And one of the first things that stood out was reusable bags. Yes, Fluffmart sold Ziploc bags. The advertisement claimed that price was reasonably under $5, and yet, I couldn’t help but wonder if a similar bag from the nearby supermarket would far for much cheaper.
I came across an entire section devoted to electric lighting. Various lamps of all types and sizes were sold, with an emphasis on low level lighting as well as warmth. There was also a sophisticated lighting system that was based on automation. Having seen the earlier mockups in the upper level, I hazard a guess that these lighting systems were designed to be voice automated per the fluffy’s command, or be sensitive to their respective needs.
Perhaps the oddest thing I saw was when I entered the area where they were selling various food and beverage storage items. There were some useful ones, like a reusable bottle that came with a straw, as well as a dispenser that could provide kibble and two types of liquid on demand. But what was odd was that right next to the dispenser in question were various bottles of juice concentrate, as well as powdered milk. I mean, on paper the concept made sense – juice and instant milk would both be complementary goods for the dispenser that the fluffmart was selling, but it was not like Fluffmart didn’t have an entire mart devoted towards selling Fluffy-related foodstuffs. The placement here was purely to complement the dispenser, but it seemed so out of place with the other, non-edible items available within this section.
Everything and anything related to keeping a fluffy in a home could be purchased here and yes, that even included cooking utensils. Not too far from where these contains were sold was the cookery section, where various pots and pans were all offered. Obviously, they were sold with an emphasis on preparing spaghetti, but any person with cooking experience could tell you the importance of a strainer, a pot, a pan, a mandoline slicer and so on in the kitchen. Though, there was one thing that was sold in this section that caught my eye brow. Placed on top of a shelf, and far away from the others were various knives, ranging from the meek butter knife to the mighty cleaver. Despite being wrapped up in heavy plastic, and with a zip-tie preventing them from being easily opened, the fear of the “sharpie-huwtie” warranted that most of the fluffies seen walking around on the floor should not be aware of their existence.
With the doorway towards the massive warehouse section ahead, the last thing that was on display were plant pots. They were pots for all shapes and sizes, meant to house all kinds of plants in a garden. Considering everything that had been offered earlier, I had half expected actual plants to be offered, but just as a shop that sold pet care items may not actually sell pets, perhaps it’d make sense that actual plants wouldn’t be sold here.
And final there was the warehouse section. Ignoring the ready-to-purchase household items and amenities, the majority of items sold at Fluffmart, including the electrical appliances were all stored here, with the idea being that they were ready-to-deliver. Although Fluffmart did offer the option to have any of their products delivered to the customers door, the idea was that a prospective customer could collect the furniture or appliance they wanted, and bring it home to assemble on their own.
Dwarfed by the giant stacks of flat packs and creates in these metal bars, I remembered a time when fluffies were mass produced by some foreign means, and were shipped en mass. As I noticed a forkligt retrieving a piece of fluffy furniture, I imagined what it would have been like, to carry entire crates of living, breathing and crying fluffies in these crates.
“Wah! So many boxies!!”
A fluffy was being held by his owner, a young woman in her 20s. A man next to her, most likely her husband, was collecting a few boxes. From what I could see on the labelling, the couple had ordered a bookcase for their little fluffy.
Looking out of the window, I noticed that it was already night-time. I figured that I should head back to the fourth floor, and get myself dinner from the café, which was my original reason for coming here in the first place. To my surprise, the café that was only half full earlier was now filled with people, and I had to get myself into a queue.
The queue to collect the food was a very procedural process. The price was a little mid range, but what struck me was the rather orderly manner in the way food had to be ordered and collected. I had to enter a lane and collect a three-tiered trolley, then continue along the line while maintaining my distance from the person in front and behind of me. Fluffies were allowed to accompany their owners, but they were not allowed to purchase food on their own. As I waited, I felt like I was back in school or even the army, having to get in line, carry a tray, and from there, wait until it was my turn to get my ration from the cook.
The chef at the counter seemed like a young lad, as he asked me for my order.
“What do you want?”
“Can I have the spaghetti please?”
“8, 12, 16?”
“What?”
“Do you want 8 meatballs, 12 or 16?”
How very specific, as I asked, “How much for 8?”
“8 dollars.”
Rolling my tray to one of the few vacant seats, I sat down and took a look around the cafeteria. There seemed something very sterile about the whole thing. In making sure that the fluffies were as clean as possible, and didn’t make much further mess, there seemed to be something lost in the process. But perhaps it was better this way.
The spaghetti was okay. I’ve had better, but the meatballs were pretty good.
~
As I descended the flight of escalators, I noticed a large advertisement proclaiming Fluffmart’s involvement in sponsoring the rehabilitation and education of previously feral fluffies, as well as work into bettering the lives of fluffies in developing countries. It reminded me of the time when BP advertised themselves going “Beyond” Petroleum. The final thing I noticed while on the way out was an advertisement for their upcoming “gamer showroom”. Looks like even Fluffmart were getting into the gamer-themed fluffy lifestyle.
I had a fun time today at the Fluffmart, but I’m not sure if I want to get myself a fluffy just yet.
