“Wan Pway?”
~Alternatively titled “Excerpts from the Diary of Tan Teck Sing, James"~
~By Oculus~
31 January 202X
I sometimes wonder why I write in diary. It seems like an incredibly effeminate thing to do, and it is not a fact that I share with just about anyone.
I started the practice of writing in a diary when I was doing National Service. For three long months I was away from home and family with no one to really confide in. While I got to know and adapt to platoon, I sort of resented them. Being a junior college graduate who enrolled later, I got stuck with the polytechnic and ITE graduates who were a very different crowd from who I knew, along with the dropouts
The idea of writing a journal entry isn’t foreign to me. When I was in secondary school, I grew up on facebook, and then tumblr, before making a move to livejournal, which seemed cosier and less noticed. However, without access to internet, I had to make do with a physical book. Hiding my diary from the other recruits would be difficult and I was called ‘girly’ and ‘gay’ for doing so. To the best of my ability, I tried to make my posts as inoffensive as possible. Still, my diary got defaced and vandalised from time to time, but I stuck to it, having to constantly tear out the pages other people had written it.
Eventually, I was selected for training in the Officer Cadet School (OCS), where I was grouped with more like-minded fellows. Keeping a diary there was easier and by then, the diary I kept during that period was a lot cleaner and less affected than the one I had during BMT. I don’t know if I lost or deliberately threw away my BMT diary, but I still have my OCS diary, to remind me of the year I spent training to be an officer.
This practice followed me into university. Even as I got more sociable and started hanging out with people, there were some thoughts and ideas that I just didn’t feel ready to put into an online journal for all to see.
Looking back at how I was initially in the sciences, to switching to the humanities in junior college, my family balked at the idea. But I just love literature. And I love reading books. And the English language. As much as I came from an all-Chinese family, I was raised by my parents in English, and pretty much every facet of my life had been dominated by the English language. I am familiar with the businesses and people that want to push for a stronger Mandarin presence, owing to the influence of China and our Chinese majority, but to me, English is just the more comfortable and interesting language. I always harboured a dream of going to Oxford to study but, alas, my mediocre results meant that the best I could manage was an entry into the National University of Singapore, where I barely got a Bachelors in Literature.
It has been about two months since I’ve been teaching what is now my third class of students at this Primary school. I always wanted to be a teacher, and after being trained in MOE, I was finally allocated to one of the neighbourhood primary schools. (a guy I disliked from my adolescence who got to study abroad is currently teaching English at JC level, the lucky bastard)
Young children are a handful and are difficult to work with, but I try my best. The bigger problem these days seems to be the rise in autism - as each year goes by, there seems to be more children with high-functioning autism being in my classes. Dealing with them is a real test of my patience, and I sometimes wonder to myself why I am a teacher. But I try.
3rd February 202X
Something is bugging me today.
When I entered the class to teach English, one of the children, Henry I think, started speaking to me with a lisp. but it wasn’t just the lisp. It was his choice of language. I’m going to try and remember how the conversation goes
“Now class, I have four words here. Cat, ball, dog and cooking. Which of these four words isn’t a noun?”
No one raises their hands. I point at Henry
“Henry, which of the four is not a noun?”
“Fwuffy nu understan, nice mistah. Am having thinkie pwaces huwties.”
I blink my eyes.
“Excuse me?”
“Cooking.”
I don’t know if that actually came from Henry, or someone else in the class
About half an hour later, we were reading the story about the Ugly Duckling by Hans Christian Andersen. While reading it, I remember what Henry said at one point
“Duckwing am poopie babbeh! Mummah duckie nu wuv! Gib poopeh duckwing sowwy huwties!”
I don’t know if Henry is joking or if its his autism. He was mentioned by his parents to be suffering from autism
14th February 202X
Chinese New Year celebrations at the school just concluded. I’m taking the time off to update my diary because why not. I will be busy for most of this evening and tomorrow. First will be the reunion dinner, and tomorrow will be visiting more relatives. Thankfully, I’m single currently, so the pool of relatives I visit won’t be that large. Also, as a single individual, I can still receive angpaos from my elders.
The one thing I am looking forward to is the long weekend. I don’t have anything planned for Sunday, or Monday, and Monday is currently Hari Raya. (I can’t remember if its Puasa or Haji, I’m neither Malay nor a Muslim)
16th February 202X
With nothing better to do, I decided to sit down and watch some Sunday Morning cartoons. I’m a big fan of animation. I used to enjoy reruns of stuff like classic Duckstory, the FlowerFluff Gals and, of course, My Little Fluffy. That last two was made by the same company, Hassenfeld. They have also made other cartoons like The Fluffiest Pet Store and PoundDogs. And of course, I do like the action stuff, like reruns of Strong-Man and G.I. Prawn: Real South-African Hero.
Yet none of the cartoons today just seem to be any good.
A recurring thing I see in cartoons these days is this cheap design. That they have this big grin that you can’t avoid. Watch any cartoon released after 2015, and you start to see it. They call it the ‘CalArts smile’. The themes and topics of these cartoons are also lacking, in addition to the poor animation. There’s no big adventure or recurring storyline. Almost every episode is a simple gag, told with bland humour. I swear I’ve seen at least one episode that had too many flatulence jokes.
After a while, I got frustrated and switched off the television. My brother, whose younger than me by about 5 years and is still in university, notices my frustration.
“Wassup, bro?”
“Cartoons suck these days.”
“Nobody watches TV anymore, bro. Everybody watches youtube these days, especially the kids.”
16th February 202X
I have no idea what the fuck I’ve just watched.
I decided to try out youtube kids, to see what passes for children’s entertainment these days. At first glance, the content seemed educational. There is the usual content provided by channels like PBS and Discovery. All open, fairly accessible, nothing offensive.
But then, one of the videos that I eventually got recommended was something simply titled “Nutewwa song”
Its literally just one guy, holding a jar of nutella, repeating the lines
"Nutewwa, nuttewwa, I wuv nuttewwa.
wub wub wub, nuttewwa wub nuttewwa"
The thing goes on for literally four minutes. I had to fast forward to see if the lyrics changed. They did not.
I then see a video with a long title, but I could roughly summarize to being about teaching children how to count to five. However, what I got was more bizarre
It has human actors, but they speak with a lisp. And the lyrics go something like this:
"Daddeh fingah, daddeh fingah, whewe am fwuff?
Hewe am fwuff, here am fwuff!
How daddeh do?
Mummah fingah, mommy fingah, whewe am fwuff?
Here am fwuff, here am fwuff!
How mummah do?"
I try searching for the lyrics. Like Baby shark, it apparently belongs to a song called “finger family”. However, while the correct lyrics are provided, the ones in the video weren’t. And there’s hundreds of these videos. Some with real human actors. Others with very minimalist animation. All singing the same song with the same exact lisp. Sure, the voices are different, but the pronunciation is almost always the same
I had to exit youtube kids for a moment and search on normal youtube to find the original song. I managed to find an old video from over a decade ago, that has only for about ten thousand views. In contrast, these newer videos get millions
There are some even more bizarre ones. Like a version where the finger family all has skulls on the fingers. Or the one where Hitler and Stalin are the “mother” and “father” figure respectively. On a dare, I decided to try and see what happen if I typed a random name with “five finger family”. True enough, there was five finger family videos of anything from Kamen Rider to Doomguy to Agent 47.
With all of them speaking with the lisp, and using the word “fwuffy.”
After a while, it was too much for me to bear. I stopped watching, and decided to watch the movie Predator to get my mind off the infantile speech and mannerisms
18th February 202X
I met Iskandar today.
We both entered university in the same year, and first met in the Literature 101 class. Although Iskandar does have a minor in Literature, his focus is more on linguistics. Also, while I only had a mere bachelors, he received honours, and went on to pursue a Masters.
He too entered the workforce as a teacher and is currently teaching his first cohort of students. Due to his qualifications, he currently teaches English at a nearby junior college. Nevertheless, the two of us make the time to meet each and other for a quick chat over a breakfast. Ideally, one with kaya toast and coffee. And today, I shared with him the videos I had found.
“I’ve seen this before. They’re made by content farms.”
“Content farm?”
"It is the algorithm. Basically, companies look for what the most popular thing, then churn out cheap and simple content to get clicks. The clicks generate ad revenue, and that is how they make their money.
I’ve been following this phenomenon for a few years now, though there has been an interesting development. I think you’ve picked up on it too."
Being rather puzzled, I asked what he meant
“Have you ever noticed that in these videos, they never use the first person singular personal pronoun?”
For a brief moment, Iskandar said it so fast that I did not catch what he meant
“They don’t use ‘I’, basically.”
“Oh, I noticed that. The speech is also very limited, and almost always use a lisp.”
“Indeed. There’ll be an announcement about this soon. They’ve actually been studying this problem, even in our alma mater at NUS, and MOE is likely to make an announcement about it soon.”
“Announcement about what?”
“You’ll see.”
25th February 202X
Met Mei today. She asked me why I didn’t take her to meet my relatives during Chinese New Year. I joked that, by doing so, I was guaranteed to get more angpaos from my elders. She promptly whacked me on the head <3
Jokes aside, we talked a bit today. We used to go out a lot, back in JC, but we weren’t really dating. I lost contact with her during NS, and by that time, she started dating another guy. However, she broke up with him not too long ago.
We did date once, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to do it again. She seemed keen though. I guess we’ll see where it goes from here.
11th March 202X
Went on a date with Mei today.
Mei has always been different from myself. While I went into the humanities because I had a fascination for English Literature, especially 19th century literature and earlier, she did the sensible thing most Singaporeans would do, and stayed in the sciences. As she got older though, she developed more of an interested in business, and started for her business degree at out alma mater at NUS. But she always had an interest in the sciences, with one of her quirks being chatting about some random science tidbit or news, that she came across.
And today she wouldn’t shut up about talking animals
“Did you know that animals can’t really talk?”
I thought it was silly for her to say that, as I pointed out parrots and ravens.
"That’s just mimicking. The only animal we know that approximated a conversation with its owner was the parrot Alex, and even that is contested. And there’s a simple reason why animals don’t really talk - they don’t have Wernicke’s and Broca’s areas.
“What’s that?”
“They’re the parts of our brain that are linked to speech production, as well as ascribing meaning to speech.”
“And you’re saying animals don’t have that?”
“Actually, there are some animals that have parts like it. Such as singing mice. And the parrots that you mentioned. But these parts are analogous to their role, not exactly like it. It is like asking, why can’t a dog talk like a human. Theoretically, a more advanced animal like a dolphin or a chimpanzee has these areas, but they’re not super developed.”
Alright, so what is the point of you mentioning this, I wondered
“Well, they’re currently looking into ways of better mimicking the areas I mentioned in animals. As well as transplanting them into animals such as cats and dogs.”
“So, like, talking animals?”
“Precisely! Think about how much better it would be to be able to communicate with your dog if it was able to just talk to you directly, and not just in barks.”
“But aren’t there like physiological differences between a dog and a human that would make such speech impossible for them?”
“Well, technically, birds should not be able to mimic humans. And yet parrots mimic humans well enough. What they’re trying to do is improve the parrot to a level where, as opposed to just repeating simple lines, it can have full on conversations with its owner, the way Alex did.”
And then she started going even further into the science of it. As I started to nod off, I did the one that I could to slowly get her mind off on talking about neurobiology
“There’s this Teochew restaurant I haven’t been to yet. You okay with that for dinner?”
1st of April 202X
Well, that was a shock.
And the fact that it happened today didn’t really help matters. When most of the people in the English Department hear it, we thought they were pulling a fast one. But of course, the ministry would never joke. And even if they did, the effort put into it, along with what I was seeing in the news, was too elaborate, too deliberate to possible be “just a joke”.
The Ministry of Education just announced that there was a rampant problem of “Fluffspeak”. Basically, primary school children, particularly below the age of 10, are starting to speak in a severely stunted form of English. I had given remedial classes for children who speak English poorly, and who were brought up to speak Singlish or Mandarin, so this was not a new phenomenon. But the description of the language reminded me of the videos I saw back in Chinese New Year.
Of a severely stunted form of English, where each and every ‘r’ and ‘l’ is replaced with a ‘w’. Larger words are replaced with certain conventions like “thinkie-pwaces” instead of brain and “seeing-pwaces” instead of eyes. And there is no singular personal pronoun. There is no “I”. Only “fluffy.”
It sounds like a joke, but according to the memorandum from the Ministry of Education, at least a few thousand primary school children have been found to be speaking in nothing but fluffspeak, and have started failing their English classes, and the number is growing.
The problem is worldwide, and was first noticed in American schools. This apparently, led to research into the problem, some of which NUS was involved in.
Just tonight, I saw a newscaster speak, very seriously “about the growing problem of Fluffspeak among children.”
The whole thing just feels too incredulous. I have to talk to Iskandar about this as soon as I can.
4th April 202X
“Yeah, it’s a constructed language. Have you ever heard of Newspeak?”
I confessed that I didn’t.
“Its from George Orwell’s 1984.”
“The only Orwell I read was Animal Farm, and that was for literature class in secondary school.”
“Well, it is an example of a constructed language. A better example would be Tolkien’s Evlish.”
“That, I am familiar with.” I am a huge sucker for fantasy stuff, especially Tolkien’s works, as I continued, “It is really amazing how Tolkien would create entire languages for the races and world he created.”
“Constructed languages aren’t a new thing, but fluffspeak is incredibly unique because its AI-generated.”
“AI-generated? But that would mean-”
“Yes. The algorithm created this language.”
We were having breakfast again. Being a quick but meticulous eater, Iskandar had already finished his eggs and toast. Iskandar had brought a briefcase, where he was showing printouts of screenshots he had captured, as well as a tablet.
"A lot of the data has been lost, and only a fraction of it was archived or archive.org. But, at some point, google searches started processing the word ‘pway’ instead of ‘play’, and started generating results for searches and songs that used the word “pway”.
“That is just a typo isn’t it?”
“More like a mispronunciation - these searches started around about the time audio searches were predominant.”
I wasn’t impressed. Iskandar seemed to be suggesting that an entire language was constructed, by algorithm, based on baby-talk from children too young to be using google search.
“It is a bit more than that.”
Iskandar then proceeds to show me pictures of comments found on videos about baby versions of cartoon animals. Of note was a photo a woman took of a Baby Yoda figure. Another was a photo a woman took of a baby smurf. Both pictures had the women pretend that the baby was speaking to them in a type of baby talk. One of them read the following:
“Hawing wunch wike mummah pwomise.”
"It’s been a recurring thing. Older women, and perhaps men, pretending that baby-talk consists of replacing 'l’s and 'r’s with 'w’s, as well as children with lisps adding to the situation.
There was the influence of uWu language."
“uWu?”
Iskandar then switches on his tablet. After a few swipes, he reaches a video on youtube. The video has only one static image, of a girl with two circular eyes, and a mouth shaped like a small w.
As the human speaker continues talking, the language structure and speech starts getting simpler and simpler, until it sounds like baby-talk.
“This is considered a joke type of speech, but it matches what the search algorithms have founds when collated with the baby-talk searches generated by both adults and children with the lisp.”
I was starting to get a sense of what Iskandar was talking about. But there was one thing that seemed unusual
“Alright, but why “fwuffy”. Why is the word “fwuffy” used instead of ‘I’?”
“We don’t know. But some people at MIT noticed the similarity between the onomatopoeic sound of “fuwa fuwa” with “fluffy”. There’s also the Hassenfeld cartoons that keep using “fluff” or “fluffy” to describe their properties. That’s still disputed though.”
Okay, but I don’t really see how this a language. To me it is more like a dialect. A creole or a slang, whatever you linguists call it. Like our own native Singlish."
“That is true - most of it is based in the English language. But it does remind me a lot of newspeak, which was treated as a language.”
Time was starting to run out, and I had to get back to work. I tried to make a closing statement
“Well, all I know is, having to give more remedial lessons so that children don’t speak like retards is going to be a bitch.”
“I wouldn’t be too disparaging about this language, if I were you James.”
He then swipes his tablet one more time, and shows me a webpage. It reads “Fluffspeak Research.”
“The team at MIT started this webpage where they compiled their findings on fluffspeak. In addition, they’re trying to get people to contribute stories and ideas written in fluffspeak. They want to see how far they can get with furthering and improving the language that was created by the algorithm.”
Sounds like a massive waste of time, I thought.
“Some people would have said Tolkien was wasting his time when creating Elvish.”
“Tolkien was trying to depict the language of a proud people, and was also building a mythology. In contrast this seems to be trying to make an entire language based around babytalk.”
“And isn’t that interesting?”
I brushed him off. We said our goodbyes, and head back to work.
I still got that website though. The url was memorable enough that I jotted it down on a piece of paper.
Maybe I’ll check it out when I really got nothing better to do. (like, never!)
22nd May 202X
It has been three weeks since I started my first remedial class for students speaking fluffspeak. As much as I think that the problem is overblown, there seem to be this growing alarm concerning the phenomenon.
I never would have imagined that getting a child at the age of 10 to say “play” instead of “pway” would seem so difficult. But that is what it has come to. In the first two weeks, most of the children I have been handling with were 9 or younger, and clearly had too much access to the internet, especially youtube. The solution seemed to be as simple - deny these impressionable children access to mobile devices such as the internet, and school them through extensive English classes to correct their speech.
But this ten year old child is the eldest case I have dealt with. And he is far more intelligent than the others. He has taken to calling himself the leader of the class. The “smawty”. He is also the rowdiest. On a few occasions, the class collectively threw paper planes at me, and this was an act co-ordinated by this one child. I managed to single him out. Speak to him and his parents directly. And that was when I learnt an uncomfortable truth about this one particularly precocious child.
He was doing this all willingly.
He spoke to me normally. He can write a sentence normal, without replace the “ls” and “rs” with "w"s. And he can say eyes instead of “seeing-pwaces.” He just chooses not to.
But, why?
“Its fun.”
He then shows me a video that he saw on youtube. Of course, I had to use a smartphone, but I searched and found the video.
It’s a cover of Earth Angel.
Done entirely, in fluffspeak
Looking at the description of the video, I notice that it ties back to the MIT website that Iskandar mentioned. This was one of the videos that their group had created, in exploring pre-existant media, “translated” into fluffspeak.
Maybe I should check this website out. Maybe.
2nd June 202X
On a whim, I decided to check out the Fluffspeak Research page that Iskandar mentioned. There’s quite a wordy writeup by a professor at MIT known as Prof Minsky regarding the nature of “flufffspeak” as the basis of AI generated language, cobbled together by the algorithm. The researchers are looking into how this language can be fine-tuned through further user input.
The head of the project is a Professor Syme Minksy. I took note of her email address.
The message boards for the project are divided into neat areas. There’s a submission box where people can send in their fluffspeak generated pieces anonymously. Then there are the message boards where people post their actual written works, rendered in fluffspeak, online, and discuss about it. Some of it lacks imagination - a person would take a passage from Twilight, or Harry Potter, and then replace the language with that of uWu language instead of the proper fluffspeak.
But then there are some people who have written an entire short story, with an original plot and everything, but in fluffspeak. Reading the article is hard as hell, but, given that it supposed to be a more advanced version of babytalk, the story can be understood after a little re-reading.
There is even a section where people can host live discussions, utilizing an IRC client, to chat in “fluffspeak”. If they chat in any other ‘normal’ language, they have to indicate so, or be booted from the server
While browsing the site, for a brief moment, I see Iskandar’s name pops up. Looks like he’s quite active here.
16 June 202X
I did it. I took the plunge.
I submitted my first story in fluffspeak.
I did it just for fun. Just wrote a story about a guy going to a shop to buy a can of spaghetti, or “skettis”.
But I wrote it all in fluffspeak.
9th July 202X
Finally had the chance to talk to Professor Minsky, the head of the project. Well, talk as in talk over an internet messenger. At the age of 50, she is a Professor of Linguistics. However, the programme that she is working on has included experts from the fields of artificial intelligence, as well as psychology and neurology. There is a relationship between the development of a language and a theory of mind, and for machine learning to be able to construct and recommend a rudimentary language suggests a development of a theory of mind. Whether this means that the internet would develop into a Skynet 2.0 is a separate (though also important question), but the larger implication is the nature of the language being developed.
Being based of babytalk, as Minsky puts it, fluffspeak could be interpreted as the way a developing toddler or child sees the world. Thus, and theoretically, any complex work of fiction by an adult could be processed and simplified in fluffspeak.
But what about simple english, I asked her. After all, wikipedia entries in simple english exist for this same purpose
The professor then points out that simple english still assumes that the speaker is an adult with a minimal amount of education. A layman, so to speak. In contrast, fluffspeak was developed by a machine understanding of how a prepubescent child thinks and talks. As she puts it, refining fluffspeak, as well as understanding the children and people who use it, would help determine the formation of language, especially the transition from the more rudimentary baby-talk to more complex and refined forms of language. In addition, the use of fluffspeak could allow for the introduction of larger, more complex adult concepts into a simpler medium for children to understand.
I pointed out to the professor that education departments across the world, including the local MOE, have been trying to discourage fluffspeak, at least amongst children. She understands this, and says that she is currently restricting it to among adults, as well as children who are already using fluffspeak. She then points out that, in my remedial classes, I should be using documents to track the specific lisps and sentence structures that fluffspeak users are working with. I admit that I had not noticed this.
I then point out to the Professor that, as with anything on the internet, there is that danger that something bad would always slip through. Chatbots have been observed to pick up negative comments and biases from the users, and the same seemed to apply to fluffspeak. The professor admitted this is a concern, and mentioned that, for the moment, the fluffspeak material that is submitted is analysed to be free from profanities as well as graphic behaviour and violence
12 July 202X
Spoke to Calvin. Although Minsky is the head of the program, Calvin could be said to be doing most of the legwork related to the program. Minsky mainly works with a hypothesis, as well as understanding the practical and physical element of fluffspeak. The hard coding, and the algorithms, however, are all Calvin’s work.
Calvin had already received her Master’s in Computer Science and is currently working on a thesis paper related towards the basis of language generation through algorithms. It is not a small wonder that she ended up being attached to Minsky’s program. Even though they are from two different fields, the fluffspeak phenomena had interested both female professionals.
There are some differences between the two women, though. Minsky is clearly an idealist and also a little no-nonsense. She has been quite harsh in how she moderates what goes in and what doesn’t for the fluffspeak programme. Calvin seems a more relaxed. A lot more approachable. I can see myself spending more time conversing with Calvin, even though its mostly on matters unrelated to the program.
3rd August 202X
I have upload about five stories to the message board now.
Four of them were original material, while the first was Roald Dahl’s “The Great Automatic Grammatizator” completely rendered in fluffspeak.
Some other people have been more adventurous. So far, we have had the works of Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Byron all rendered in fluffspeak by many different contributors, a number working together. The study is currently limited to the English speaking world, but there is already some discussion about how different languages might generate their own fluffspeak, if given time.
There’s however, an alarming trend I noticed. Although the board is heavily moderated, at times, there are a few people who, while attempting to converse in fluffspeak, start describing sexual actions. The motive behind this seems to be a form of ageplay. Due to fluffspeak’s basis in a more simplistic form of speaking, some people are inclined to use fluffspeak to partake in a form of ageplay.
Having spoken to Calvin, the problem already started within the first week the board was open to the public. The mods have been working day and night to ensure depictions of sex and violence are not described in fluffspeak, other than what has already been written in fiction. There is the concern of censorship, but Calvin mentions that the focus is on making ’ a working language’ first.
9th August 202X
Was bored for most of National Day. Decided to have lunch with Iskandar at the Gluttons Bay. Iskandar was having Nasi Lemak while I had carrot cake.
The two of us conversed quite a bit about Fluffspeak, and the program Calvin was running. I mentioned a nagging point that is on my mind
“I do think the language is interesting, but I feel like the approach to it has been rather skewed.”
“What makes you say that?”
“We’re basing this more of what ‘we’ think babytalk and childtalk is like, not what ‘childtalk’ actually is.”
"I should correct you there, James. We’re working with what the AI thinks constitutes as babytalk and childtalk.
The generation of the videos by content farms, and their subsequent pronunciations and language augmentation, was based on recommendations by the algorithm. Youtube kept pushing videos with the lisp and incorrect English as the correct choice, which children picked up on. As children contributed more content online, the ‘language’ started developing. At this point, I’d say we’re just merely giving it a more definite form."
“So you’re saying that we’re trying to ‘perfect’ that language?”
"Basically, yeah.
It is like that one guy who converted ‘the Little Prince’ into Singlish. Singlish is often look at derisively by our local government, but, given that it is our native Creole, a lot of Singapore writers take pride in it the way the Scots do with their language and English."
“But Singlish is tied to our culture. What culture are we making fluffspeak for?”
“Who knows?” said Iskandar, as he shrugged. “I like to think it is for ‘us’. The people in our group.”
~
I didn’t get to meet Mei tonight.
I saw the fireworks alone.
1st September 202X
Today was teacher’s day. Did the same the thing we did the past two years. Fun and games in the morning. Small part in the class. Finger food, candies and cakes.
“Fwuffy wub candy!”
And the one idiot speaking fluffspeak. Had to correct the child.
“Henry, its ‘love’”
“S-s-sowwy Mister Tan. Henwy wiw-wil-will tw-tw-try harder.”
~
Teacher’s Day is a school holiday, but only the children get to go home early. There was a slight party mood in the department though, as an occasion like this meant that we too would be celebrating with finger food, cake, and even ice-cream in the fridge.
Now was a good time to hang out with the other English teachers in the department and catch up. I’ve gotten to know Mr. Choe, who joined in the last year, and Ms. Ho, whose been around for ages. The topic of fluffspeak came up rather unexpectedly. Mr Choe, in what I could only describe as gentle but youthful aggression, made his opinion clear.
“We have to rout out this fluffspeak.”
“Rout out? I mean, we’re just correcting the way the children are speaking.”
“And it is not enough. This incorrect use of English is spreading. It is a literal rape of the beauty of English, and we cannot tolerate it.”
“By that measure,” said Ms Ho, “you would say Singlish is a rape of English.”
“I would, yes. I don’t want any of my students to speak a lick of Singlish in my class. And fluffspeak is worse. They sound like literal retards.”
“And what do you think, Mr. Tan?”
A slight sweat was dripping from my forehead. Although I was on the MIT website, unlike Iskandar, I adopted a nickname.
“I think a bizarre form of English is a unique expression of creativity.”
Mr Choe glared at me in disapproval
“I disagree, Jim. I think we can be very creative with English without having to work with a corruption of it. English should be kept pure.”
20th December 202X
I went out on a date with Mei today.
It was rather sweet. She wouldn’t shut up about some recent developments in biology, but, other than that, we had fun.
We were walking along the bridge to Marina bay when she popped a question to me
“James?”
“Yes, Mei?”
“Have you ever thought of leaving Singapore?”
I was a bit taken aback by the suggestion. Aside from the time I trained in Brunei and Taiwan for National Service, I have never travelled out of Singapore. (Well, aside from the occasional trip to JB and that’s more to get chewing gum as well as the cheaper products from Malaysia)
“No. Why do you ask? Have you travelled?”
“No.”
She then looks over the railing. The Orchard city lights brighten the December evening. One can see the rainclouds above. There is a gentle wind, slowly building, but not yet indicative of a storm. For now though, it blows against Mei’s hair, its beauty wavering.
"I just cannot imagine my whole life here. I do want to see the world. I mean, I have family in Malaysia, but I also have some distant relatives in Hong Kong. And China. I even have cousins in the US. And an uncle in Canada.
And I always wanted to go to Greece. Or Spain. Or even Ethiopia."
“Ethiopia?” I scoffed. “That’s in Africa isn’t it? Can’t imagine why anyone would go there.”
“I beg your pardon, but Ethiopia was one of the most advanced countries in Africa for the longest time! It was also never truly colonized by a Western power. It is a country with a rich history!”
I felt a bit sheepish. I apologized.
"Its okay. Maybe the view I’m saying is too rosy. But I don’t want to be too landlocked to this country.
I do want to see the world."
3rd February 202X+1:
Took Mei with me to visit one of my relatives for Chinese New Year. I had my reunion dinner the night before with immediate family, as she did, but since we’re now going out, I guess it made sense that my family knew
And true enough, this time around, I didn’t get the red packets
Worst still, the dreaded question came around
“So when are you two going to get married and start continuing the family name?”
Jesus, grandma, we’re taking it slow.
For a good hour though, Mei ended up playing poker with a cousin of mine. Said cousin is a biologist, and they keep talking about something called a ‘chimera’. I heard about that from Greek mythology.
“Well we’re not talking about Greek mythology dear, we’re talking about an actual animal. One they’re developing apparently.”
I rolled my eyes. Didn’t interest me.
While I waited for their game to conclude, I spent some time at the porch, and looked at the garden, where the children of some of my relatives were playing
“You can’t catch me, you can’t catch me!”
“Siwwy dummeh! Smawty am da fastest! Wiww catch fwen!”
I had to blink my eyes.
The girl who was running was able to speak English well. However, the boy chasing her had to be at least 11 to 12 years old, and was clearly speaking fluffspeak
Tt turned out that he was the son of one of my distant relatives
“Yeah,” he sighed, with a forlorn look on his flace. “He can speak Mandarin well. But his English is nothing but that stupid lisp. That ‘fluffspeak’. And we sent him for classes, but he keeps lapsing back”
As the boys keeps running and speaking with the lisp, I wonder if the remedials we provide are truly effective.
10 June 202X+1
Its coming to be the first full year since I joined the fluffspeak community
It feels that I lead this double life. During the day, I spend most of the time, teaching proper English, and conducting remedial classes to correct young children and prevent them from speaking Fluffspeak.
But in the evening, I spend an hour or two reading the Fluffspeak message boards. There are a number of good stories written in fluffspeak, as well as some interesting performative arts done with the language.
I do think that young children shouldn’t speak fluffspeak, but I can appreciate fluffspeak as a creative outlet for someone of my age. I hope MIT will keep the site around.
16th June 202X+1
They shut down the site.
The move shocked all of us. I went to check the twitter, and Professor Minsky states that the programme had already reached its research goals, and thus, was ended. That was all the explanation given.
No more than that.
I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I spent almost a year, writing all kinds of stuff, stuff that I did not save, and uploaded it to this site. All gone. A tonne of work, taken away from us. Replies were disabled. Something tells me that they expected the backlash.
I sent an email to Calvin. She might know a bit more. And I must to speak to Iskandar soon.
23rd June 202X+1
Spoke to Iskandar. It took a week to arrange a meeting with him, but I finally had the chance. Even he was not sure what was going on.
“I admit, its rather odd. I was in the middle of working on converting the poems of Walt Whitman into fluffspeak when I got the news from Prof Minsky.”
“She told you about it directly?”
“She did. Apparently, she got approached by some company that was interested in the development of fluffspeak and was willing to fund it further. However, for that to work out, they wanted program at MIT to cease. Prof would write it off as the program having reached its aim, which is kind of true since we have developed quite a good lexicon.”
“I’m surprised that she’d tell you directly.”
“Well, there’s another reason why, James.”
The news hit me a bit hard when he said it.
“I… wow. I mean, you definitely contributed more than the rest of the people in the group, but, its still surprising.”
“So was I. When I got the offer, I asked for a week to think about it. I made up my mind and decided to go with it. I already sent in my resignation, and there’s still a lot more about fluffspeak that needs to be done, and I’m curious to see where this lead goes.”
I didn’t reply immediately. For a good minute, I toyed with my food. I was unsure with what to say to my friend. All I can manage was something feeble. Smething pretty gay.
“I’ll miss you.”
Iskandar chuckled
“And I’ll miss you too, James. No homo. We had a lot of great times. And hey, I could put in a good word for you.”
I smile. That’d be nice.
“Also, there is something I want to pass you, before I leave.”
4th July 202X+1
Saw Iskandar off at the airport today. Introduced Mei to him
“I take it that I have the pleasure of meeting the future Mrs. Tan?”
We all laughed. We had a good dinner at Changi Airport. It was also there that we let the cat out of the bag.
“To be honest, it sounds like what you’re all doing is a waste of time. But I’m a sciences kid. I couldn’t really stand all this language, literature, whatever stuff. I could never finish Romeo & Juliet. It was soooooooo boring!”
Opposites really do attract.
Mei then popped the question to Iskandar.
“So, you got anyone special, Mr Fluffspeak?”
Iskandar shook his head.
“I haven’t really found anyone.”
“That’s a shame. Handsome guy like you, I’m surprise some chio bu hasn’t gone for you.”
“Please lah mei. Iskandar here is so atas, he’s not going to get with any random ah lian or chio bu.”
As the discussion went on, Iskandar passed me the gift. A softcover book with good lamination, and covered in plastic, it said on the cover “A primer to Fluffspeak - 1st Edition”
As we got up, and walked towards Departures, Iskandar whispered something in my ear:
“Open it as soon as you get home.”
~
When I reached home, I opened up the primer. As I did so, a slip of paper fell out of the pages and land on the floor.
As I picked it up, I saw a rather cryptic message.
Qrnj sjra,
Sjhssl qhaab vc Zvafxrr sjra vm jvtug. Zvafxl znl uno or n qhzzru gb jbjx arj znfgnf. Phjjragjl, sjraf uno znqr alh fvgr gb gbx jvxr Sjhssl. Sjraf jvjj jrnja alh fvgr fbbafvrf. Qn fvgr vf jha ol Pnjiva sjra. Sjhssl jvjj gjl gb jnl jvo alh anzr, Fnat Xnapvy. Ubjrjrj, Wnzrf sjra jvjj jbjx jvo Pnjiva. Sjhssl jvjj gjl gb or pjbfr gb sjra nobg alh znfgnf.
- Vfxnaqne
I managed to decipher the code, as well as the URL that Iskandar gave. Iskandar and Calvin had created a new site called “Fluffspeak Nation”. Currently, its only got a few members. However, Calvin mentioned they will be making an announcement soon to the previous participants. I can see why Iskandar and Calvin didn’t want the word about the new site to be out so quickly. But at the same time, I wonder what Iskandar was talking about. He only briefly hinted at it.
10th July 202X+1
Had to attend some big teacher’s meeting at the MOE building in Buona Vista.
The graph showed a pie chart. A slice of the pie became very large at one point in the previous year, then went smaller. Then went bigger again, as the presenter explained.
“Currently, the number of Primary School children suffering from ‘Fluffspeak Syndrome’ is at a steady 20%. However, the number had peaked at 33% in June of the previous year. This means, at one point in 2020, one in three pre-adolescent children was unable to speak proper English. Although we have made great strides in lessening it, the sheer volume of the speakers in the previous year is cause for alarm. And, honestly, we should be doing better.”
I was pretty laid back. Given that June is the school holidays, and fluffspeak could be seen as a phase when it was first announced, it was not surprising so many kids would want to try it out. And the remedials had worked. Well, at least for most of the kids. But Mr. Choe was beside me. With his tense stare, and his eyes glue to the screen, he listened intently. I could hear someone behind mention that he looked very ‘garang’, or gung-ho.
"The Ministry thus, has mandated these measures to further curb the spread of fluffspeak among the Primary School children. Internet access is to be disabled completely, with schools being no-wifi zones. Any computer network in schools will be using the MOE-devised Intranet, at least until this problem is cleared. In addition, children will not be allowed to bring smartphones into schools to use 5G networks. The ministry is encouraging parents to buy cheaper mobile ‘dumb’ phones.
Finally, we have reports that certain teachers have been practicing the use of fluffspeak recreationally. Anyone who is caught doing so will have to appear before a panel and, depending on the severity of their fluffspeak usage, may risk suspension without pay, or a termination of their service."
Fuck. The ministry isn’t playing around.
5th October 202X+1
Its been about four months since the site has gone public. Fluffspeak nation made its announcement to its previous participants via e-mail. The news eventually made its way to mainstream media. The reactions were mixed. There was the obvious derision, as fluffspeak is considered to be an advanced form of babytalk, and some would have rather seen development of this constructed language end with the earlier MIT program.
In contrast, behavioural experts have been looking into Fluffspeak, particularly its random spread among impressionable children and in search results and see its benefits as a language that could be “inputted”.
That seems to be the word going around. “Input”. Various universities have constructed their own chat bots that operate in fluffspeak and are used to simulate youthful intelligences that a persona may interact with, whether its a baby or a cartoon animal. The University of Hong Kong got quite famous for making a chat bot of a talking horse that operated in fluffspeak.
There is a growing discussion about whether fluffspeak should be kept open-source, or if it should be ‘governed’. And the discussion could go on but, frankly, between teaching children how to speak properly, hanging out with Mei, as well as indulge in my own creativity impulses, I can only do so much.
1st October 202X+2
Oh my. Holy shit.
It has been a long time, hasn’t it? I can’t believe I haven’t written in my diary for over a year.
Much has happened. It has been a full year since they started limiting web usage at primary schools to only the use of the Intranet, and children are allowed to use only “dumb” phones. According to the ministry, the implementation of these measures has seen an improvement in the Math and Science scores of the students. However, the fluffspeak problem still persists despite these measures, and the percentage that the Ministry mentioned last year remains the same. But I’m starting to think the Ministry is never ever going to allow kids the use of Internet at school anymore.
I’m still moderating the fluffspeak site. But, without Minsky, the moderation seems to have become increasingly lax. Calvin is an interesting person, but she’s neither a leader, nor is she a negotiator.
There has been flame wars going on almost weekly within the forums. It is like as if people enjoy arguing in fluffspeak. But it doesn’t stop there.
There was the instances of ageplay back in MIT. It seems worse now, as people are starting to roleplay as “enfie babbehs”. The implication of that term disgusts me. Most of the mods who joined in the first week have left, and I’m currently the only active mod, along with Calvin. Yet Calvin seems nonchalant about the issue. (a morbid part of my mind imagines she actually likes this sort of thing)
I haven’t seen Iskandar in a while. He mentioned that there will be a big announcement that would explain Minsky’s decision to end the programme early.
20th December 202X+2
I’m out with Mei at the moment. And I got my diary with me. I can’t believe I could be so dumb to let that happen.
But I know a little secret about you now.
Yes, she does now. That is her handwriting.
I think its a little sweet that you have a diary.
And its sweet that you have one too, Mei mei. <3
I’ll draw more hearts on your pages, you silly boy <3 <3
Well I’ll draw stick figures on yours! orz
We just had dinner, and Mei had invited me to her place. Its not the first time, and yet, my heart is beating.
I better put this diary down.
21st December 202X+2
I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw it.
I’m trying to remember how it started. I was in the bed naked, and still sleeping. Mei got up and was brushing her teeth. Wearing only a bathrobe, she was watching the news on the television when she saw it.
Pulling me out of the bed, naked, and into the living room, the two of us sat down as we heard the words.
“Wan pway?”
But it was not coming from a child.
It was coming from an animal.
~
Mei and I quickly opened up a laptop and started searching for the newsclip regarding the announcement
“We at Hasbio would like to present the result of over a decade of research into bio-engineered toy animals. We present to you, the pet of tomorrow!”
A little animal comes onto the stage. The animal resembles Lightning Fast, a pegasus from Hassenfeld’s “My Little Fluffy” series. The CEO gets on his knees, and waves his hand to the creature
“Hello, Fast!”
“Huwwo daddeh!”
The animal spoke.
The animal actually fucking spoke.
“Wan pway?
Fwuffy wan pway upsies!”
I recognize the language, it was clearly fluffspeak. And true enough, the article talked about how, through careful conditioning and revolutionary study of brain science, they were now able to ‘program’ these animals to speak in fluffspeak.
The whole thing was too incredulous. As my mind start racing back, it started to make me wonder
Did Iskandar know about this?
~
“Yes, this was the little project that Minsky and I have been working on.”
I’m currently with Iskandar in a video-call. It was still in the wee hours of the Singaporean morning, so it was just enough time for me to catch him in the US, before he would head to bed.
“Its, its incredible! A talking animal! And one that can hold a conversation better than a parrot!”
I was ecstatic. But Iskandar was speaking with a somewhat straight face
“Indeed. I was a bit surprised to find out that Hassenfeld has a bio-engineering subsidiary, but the company had been working on trying to create a talking animal, modelled after one of their MLF properties. In fact, they had approached their geneticists to try and program a language into the fluffies DNA.”
“Is that what happened?”
“Of course not,” scoffed Iskandar. “You can’t just program a language into DNA. But what you can do is engineer an animal that has a brain more similar to ours and, from there, work out a language that they can better learn than others.”
“But how do you get these animals to speak then, if is not programmed?”
“Television.”
I looked at Iskandar, a little dumbfounded
“But people don’t learn fluffspeak from television.”
"No, but we have exposed a few test subject fluffies to various programmes in fluffspeak. Compared to similar programmes done in English, the fluffies learn and speak from the fluffspeak ones better.
The idea Minsky and Hassenfeld has is that, in the long run, fluffies will be able to transition from fluffspeak to normal English. However, fluffspeak is the language they start out with, as it is like a form of babytalk."
“Amazing!”
But as I said this, I noticed that Iskandar seemed serious. What should be a joyous occasion didn’t seem to be shared with him. And for a brief moment I could sense something was wrong.
"I’ll be sending you a book. It should reach you by Christmas Day. And I have to go now.
Merry Christmas, James."
2rd January 202X+3
I knew this day was coming.
MOE had mandated the installation of these TVs in the canteens, as well as the classes. But now MOE wanted to take a step further. Half of the lesson plans of english classes were to be done by television, unlike math and science classes.
Of course, the first protest was from English teachers like myself, arguing that it was lessening the role of our respective department. But the Ministry mandated that, while half of English classes were to be done with the television, the other half of the lesson plan had to involve a teacher relating what the children just saw on the television to the class, to make sure that they had learnt the proper use of language.
Choe was all for this. If it meant that children had to see how English was ideally spoken, it would make sense that it was better for them to watch a controlled video, than have to rely on a human agent to teach the majority of the class. As he would put it, the teaching of English had to be streamlined.
Choe makes me sick. But the presence of TVs in my class for the year sickens me even more.
As I watch my class of children watch a rather drab program on the television, I can’t help but feel the same monotony, back when I was a child. But the difference was that showing an educational video was done sparingly to augment the lesson plan.
The children are going to be watching this every day.
5th January 202X+3
I had forgotten all about the present that Iskandar sent me. I decided to open it up.
It was a copy of The Little Prince by Antoine St-Exupery, but written in fluffspeak. In addition, and instead of a little prince, it was a fluffy pony on the front cover.
Just as I was about to start reading, another slip of paper fell out. Written in the same code he sent me previously
“Wnzrf, vs lbh’er ernqvat guvf, guvatf ner abg ybbxvat tbbq. V nz n ovg jnel bs Unfovb’f vaibyirzrag va gur cebwrpg. Zvafxl naq V xrrc trggvat fvqryvarq ol inevbhf rkrphgvirf, naq gurer unf orra yrff vachg sebz hf ertneqvat gur jnl syhssfcrnx vf orvat gnhtug gb syhssvrf. V frafr gung syhssfcrnx angvba jrofvgr jvyy or fuhg qbja - Unffrasryq unf orra gelvat gb zhfpyr va ba gur ynathntr. V nz abg jevgvat guvf va syhssfcrnx orpnhfr V jnag gur zrffntr gb or pyrne gb lbh, ohg, V guvax gurl’er ba gb zr. V’yy gel gb xrrc lbh cbfgrq, ohg va gur zrnagvzr, V jbhyq yvxr gb zragvba gung jr unir n syhssfcrnx pbzzhavgl ba gur qrrc jro. Rira vs Unffrasryq gevrf gb fuhg hf qbja, jr unir na nygreangr fcnpr gb tb gb.
Jungrire unccraf, fgnl fnsr.
-Vfxnaqne”
I’ve been up all night. This does explain the serious look on his face a few weeks ago. But the idea of going into the dark web doesn’t really interest me.
I guess we’ll see how things go.
29 January 202X+3
I tried to access the fluffspeak nation website, but I kept getting a 404 error. I tried refreshing it, but I was not getting anything. I then switched to a VPN but, even when I set my location to outside of Singapore, to the US, or even somewhere as remote as Iceland, I was getting nothing. I messaged Calvin, and my worst fear regarding the site was confirmed. Hassenfeld, or rather Hasbio, has been trying to copyright Fluffspeak as a language.
Seems to be that going on the dark web is my only option.
~
I managed to set up a TOR browser to access the dark web site that Iskandar mentioned and, true enough, an exact copy of Fluffspeak Nation, as how it was before it was shut down, was hosted on the website.
But Calvin is no longer a mod on it. None of the other mods are around
Only I’m left, apparently. And I’m webmaster now.
I think I got my work cut out for me.
15 February 202X+3
I’ve gotten sick of trying to mod the website. For most of Chinese New Year, I was offline. And today’s Valentine’s Day.
I was out with Mei for most of today. We were at the Bread Street Kitchen for lunch. Then, and with the money I saved up, I took her to the Si Chuan Dou Hua Restaurant at the top of the UOB plaza. Had to make a reservation for a place a few weeks in advance, but, for a dinner for two, it was worth it
We had dim sum, followed by Peking duck. Beef, vegetables. And to top of the dinner, we had live crab.
“This is a very expensive dinner,” she remarked
And that is when I made the humble request to her, bringing out the gem on a little band of platinum.
I could spend all the money I have. I could lavish her with all kind of riches and jewelleries. I could take her to any place in the world.
But when she said yes, it was all worth it.
26 February 202X+3
I’m in deep shit.
How the fuck did I fuck up.
I try not to let people know that I am a mod on Fluffspeak Nation. I have kept that secret for the longest time. But I am the only mod on the website currently. And worst, none of the users now seem to be trustworthy. Lately, there has been too much abuse, and I’ve spent more time deleting stuff than contributing.
But today, while at my table, I was glancing through the site on my phone, when Choe walked past me. I think the fucker saw.
He’s been eyeing me all day. I think it happened when he saw the phrase “am onwy a widdwe babbeh.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Maybe I’m overreacting. I mean, it is not like “am onwy a widdwe babbeh” or “wan pway” are exclusive to fluffspeak. I could be correcting a students report, yeah. But then the question would be, why am I doing it on the phone? And why do I look left and right when I do so? Like I got something to hide?
And I do have to hide this. But now I fear that Choe knows.
Mei tells me that I’m overreacting. She has been massaging me and telling me to relax.
I want to believe her.
15th March 202X+3
“Mr Tan Teck Sing, James.”
“Yes.”
“The panel will see you now.”
I was being reviewed by a panel at MOE. It was supposed to be 30 minutes.
But it felt like forever
Even though it was just four senior teachers at a bench, while I was facing them, it was clearly an interrogation .
“Mr Tan, we understand that you have been conducting remedial classes for the past three years?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Then how do you explain your unsatisfactory results? Out of your class for each year, there is at least one to two students who still converse in fluffspeak despite the remedial.”
“Fluffspeak is just ingrained in the internet, ma’am. We may remove tablets and smartphones from them, and get to watch only the television at school but, as long as the public at large exists, and the fluffspeak is practiced in public, the children will pick it up one way or the other.”
“Mr. Tan, you know that is not an acceptable excuse.”
“From what I understand, you are friends with Iskandar bin Firdaus, am I not correct?”
The gentleman who asked this was an Indian man. His glare felt like death. His tone, while soft, was accusatory.
“Yes, I knew Iskandar. I believe he left the teaching service two years ago.”
“Yes, and you do know that he is one of the major contributors to the Fluffspeak movement, do you not?”
How the fuck do I answer this question? Iskandar is my friend, but I’m not going to rat him out. Even if he was halfway across the world, it wouldn’t feel right. But I can’t just tell a barefaced lie.
“I am slightly aware. We just thought of it as a joke. Something funny.”
"Mr. Tan.
Are you a little baby?"
Fuck.
He said it in plain english. But assuming Choe reported me, this hit me. It felt like an arrow hitting its mark, point blank.
“I don’t understand what you mean by that question, sir.”
“Are you a little baby?”
I try my best.
“I fail to see how such a question would be relevant to this interview, sir.”
“Mr. James Tan. We take the matter of English seriously here at MOE. Do you know how difficult it was for the country to recover after the COVID pandemic at the start of this decade? When we had to reallocate resources away from the arts and humanities?”
I nodded, to my chagrin.
“We don’t teach English, at least in primary school, so that people can sit on fields, stare at clouds and come up with something whimsical. The education system has to produce results. We need Engineers. Scientists. Doctors. Teachers. Lawyers. Businessmen. You can have a child learn the piano, but its far more important for that child to know the valence of lithium by secondary school, or how to sell a product when he’s an adult.”
“But surely there is more to language than just such a utilitarian outlook?”
That was feeble. The following response was like a punch to my gut.
“Singapore was not founded on poetry. Let alone poetry spoken by little babies.”
They asked a few more questions. And then their judgement came through
“Mr Tan, it is the finding of this panel that your performance as a teacher of English at Liu Chan Primary School is unsatisfactory. You will be suspended from teaching for a month, and your conduct will be reviewed at a later date.”
~
The screen was littered with them. Thousands of multi-coloured equine things, running away from a building, and into the public. In the distance, a large building, with the “HASBIO” logo was burning
"This morning, activists from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA, launched a terrorist raid against Hasbio facilities across the United States. The objective of the raid was the release of their upcoming Fluffy Pony biotoy product.”
Mei and I watch the screen. Unlike the foal that we saw at Christmas time, these were much larger, perhaps adults. There were all kinds of them. Some fat and waddling. Some that were agile and could climb. Some with very puffed cheeks. And all of them encompassing the colours of the rainbow. Flooding the streets.
"A press statement by Hasbio’s parent company, Hassenfeld, has stated that the attack was unjust, especially since their product was still under development. It has contracted the aid of the United States Fish and Wildlife Service to recollect as much of the product as possible, as the fluffy biotoys are still in the middle of testing.
PETA has denied involvement on the raid, claiming that the terrorist act was perpetrated by rogue elements within the organization."
I switched off the television. That was enough bad news for one day.
16th March 202X+3
It is a little after midnight
I’m in our bed. Mei is by my side.
I can’t sleep. As I feel her embrace around me, she senses my restlessness.
“Are you still thinking about what happened today? The fluffies aren’t really your problem.”
“No, it is not that. Its just-”
“Oh yeah. What happened at MOE.”
Her behind me, caressing my pectorals, and my abdomen, she whispered in my ear
“Do you remember I once talked about leaving Singapore? Why don’t we do just that?”
“And go where? With what money?”
“We could move to another country. I have family in Canada. We could start a new life there and forget this place.”
I could feel her bosom pressing against my bareback, as I reflect on that thought.
“Maybe we could do that. I’m not really getting anything out of being a primary school teacher.
I’ll need to collect my things though. I’ve been living with you for a few months now, but I still have some items back at my parents house. And they might miss me.”
“Then you could live with them for a while before we make the big move.”
I turn to her. Even in the dark, Mei’s smile radiates me.
1st April 202X+3
“Professor Syme Minsky, noted linguist and pioneer of the Fluffspeak Movement, is dead.”
Perspiration dripped my forehead. I lost sensation around my lips. My eyes rapidly blinked as I stared at the headline.
Apparently, Prof Minsky died by suicide. Her body found at the bottom of carpark. According to forensics, Minsky, in a state of advanced intoxication, jumped from the balcony of her apartment flat, all the way down, to her death. Her death comes not too long after the recent raid by PETA on Hasbio, which has been seen as a major setback to the development of the much discussed Fluffy pony biotoy product.
“She was a brilliant woman, and an inspiration to us all. We could not have made the advancements in the development of fluffies without her.”
That was Calvin speaking, the Computer science expert. I took a good look at her clothing and realized that she was now working as an executive at Hasbio. That explains why she was no longer a moderator at Fluffspeak nation.
I saw no sign of Iskandar. I realize that I had not messaged the guy in a good while, nor have I heard from him since Christmas
I checked Fluffspeak Nation and, indeed, even Sang Kancil, Iskandar’s moniker was missing. His last message was months ago
All there was to greet me was more people roleplaying sex and violence in fluffspeak.
15th May 202X+3
I tended in my resignation to MOE today. It felt like a weight of my shoulder.
I am also currently into my last week at my parent’s house. I had been busy going through my documents and looking for any essentials I need. Working with Mei, we agreed that we would be departing the country by the end of May. Right now, it is just a matter of tying up any loose ends.
I still mod the Fluffspeak Nation site but, honestly, even I am starting to get jaded by it. There are a few people though who have started adopting a term.
They had been using fluffspeak to roleplay as autistic children and animals, especially the fluffies. Utilizing this roleplay, they have come up with a new kind of fluffspeak fiction known as “hugbox”. The name comes from a machine used to placate autistic people known as the hug machine, or “hugbox”
I had been monitoring the fiction of the hugboxers for a good while, and I am appreciative of their efforts. Just today, I decided to pass moderation duties to three of them, in the hopes that they’ll take over from me. In addition, one of them is adept in coding. I feel that the message board is in good hands.
There’s only one nagging thing left.
After I appointed the new mods for the message board, I noticed a private message just came into my inbox on the site.
It is from Sang Kancil.
~
The video quality is grainy, but I can clearly see Iskandar. He is seated in a dark room, the only illumination coming from a lone lightbulb. His eyes are bloodshot, and heavy with bags. He is wearing a beret and fatigues. On the table, beside him, is an assault rifle, most likely a Steyr Aug.
And seated on his lap, is a fluffy pony. A yellow one with a pink mane, who I recognize as Yelloquiet, from the MLF cartoon.
“Selamat Malam James. Or, as we would say, Huwwo, fwen.”
The PM from Iskandar led me to this video in the dark web. I have no idea when it was taken. But it was disturbing as all hell.
"James, by the time you see this, I might either be captured, or on the run again. So I’ll be brief.
Professor Minsky did not commit suicide. She was murdered. And PETA didn’t release the fluffies, it was me. Well, me and a few other colleagues of mine.
Hassenfeld doesn’t own Hasbio. I have no idea who actually owns Hasbio, but, it is something big. And I found out about this when I noticed that they were trying to simplify the fluffspeak lexicon. They were trying to control the language and limit it, remove the creativity we were working with it.
At first, I thought it was just an executive decision to sell mere toys to children and keep them that way. But I found out that the motive is far more sinister. It is the same reason why they have started to install the telescreens in primary and elementary schools in many areas."
“Daddeh am okay? Fwuffy am scawed.”
Iskandar slowly strokes the mane of his fluffy, coaxing her to sleep.
“Daddeh am okay. Hab guud sweepies, fwen.”
He then turns back to the camera.
“James, an entire volume of fluffspeak, both translations of our work, and new stories, have all been compiled into a USB stick. Minsky sought to preserve her work, and that is why she disappeared. I’m next. There’s a reason why we made the move to the dark web. But if you see this, I have sent the USB stick to a specific location. As soon as you can, you need to leave Singapore, and find me.”
As he says this, I hear the sound of dogs barking coming from the video.
"Stay safe, fwen.”
And the feed ends.
16th May 202X+3
I am currently in a room at a Hotel 81.
Sometimes, I wonder to myself, “how did I get into this whole mess?” I look through this diary, and as I read back the entries, I get the answer,
And then I ask myself, why? Why did I get involved?
There was something taboo about fluffspeak. About sounding like a baby, and understanding the adult world, but from a simplistic, childlike manner of speaking. When I wrote that story of a man going to buy a can of spaghetti, I sort of imagined a situation where both adults spoke like that. It was a silly thought, but it was fun. The whole thing was supposed to be fun.
A part of me knew that I didn’t have to collect this USB stick from Iskandar. And that I don’t have to be involved in all this. And yet, both Iskandar and I did enjoy the fun and times we had conversing in fluffspeak and writing stories in it.
But is it really worth all this trouble?
I’m supposed to be leaving Singapore with Mei. Start a new life. Maybe I’ll just pass the USB stick to Iskandar, and this whole thing will be over.
Or maybe I can find out from Iskandar what he’s up to exactly. For the longest time I thought he left the message board, but it is clear that he had been monitoring the site for a while
I look at the Fluffspeak primer that he gave to me, two years ago. While there is a pdf of this same primer in the USB stick, I feel the pages, and look at the words of fluffspeak, engraved on paper. The feel is different. And for a brief moment, I imagine a country where the newspapers, the signs, the books, everything, is in fluffspeak………
There’s somebody at the door.
The banging interrupted my imagination. Its getting louder. Its grown from mere knocks, to someone trying to beat down the door.
There’s somebody at the door.
~News 5 Tonight~
23rd May 202X+3
"This is News 5 tonight.
Police are still looking for the whereabouts of James Tan Teck Sing, who was reported missing a week ago. Mr Tan is believed to be connected to the murders of Professor Syme Minsky and Iskandar bin Firdaus in the US. Both murders are considered related to the illegal raid on the Hasbio HQ and facilities earlier this year that resulted in the release of the unfinished fluffy pony biotoy product in the wild. Mr Tan is believed to be holding vital information.
In local news, the Agri-Food and Veterinary Authority of Singapore has formally declined a permit for Hasbio to sell their upcoming fluffy pony biotoy line in Singapore. This is the result of feedback from the Ministry of Education, regarding concerns that the biotoys may worsen the fluffspeak problem amongst the youth…"
~Epilogue~
~ Excerpt from the Diary of Mei Ling, May~
30th May 202X+3
When the police told me that James was at a Hotel 81 before he went missing, I thought he cheated on me. I assumed the worst. That was until I got his diary. It was mailed to me and, after reading it, I’m starting to fear that, like Iskandar, he too got caught.
It was funny to think that, even though he was a guy, James and I loved the “My Little Fluffy” cartoon. Yelloquiet was my favourite, his was Applesauce. So, when they announced the development of fluffies, we both were ecstatic. He, even more so, because he was working on a language that they were going to speak.
And yet, as I fear the worst for my poor James, a thought crossed my mind. Why would his diary be sent to me? And by mail? I imagine both the police or Hasbio would want this diary for information.
There is a slip of paper. Its written in handwriting and was placed in the pages after the last entry of his. I recognize the code.
Qrnj fcrfuhy sjra Zrv zrv,
Sjhssl nz bgnl. Sjhssl uno uhjgvrf sjbz zhafgnu, ohg, sjhssl ah sberon fjrrcvrf. Sjhssl qhaab jurj zhafgnu nz sjbz. Sjhssl qhaab vo vg jnf tnuzra, be Unfovb zhafgnuf, be sjbz qn qnjxvr jroovrf. Ohg sjhssl nz bgnl.
Fcrfushy sjra, vo ‘bh frr qvf, cjrm svaq sjhssl. Sjhssl uno jrsg ubzr sbe fnsr cjnpr. Fcrfuhy sjraf pna uno N ARJ YVSR va n fcrfuhy pbhagjl. Sjhssl jvjj fraq pjhrf. Oh’ fcrfuhy sjra, sjhssl nz njvir. Jr jvyy zrrg ntnva.
Jho 'bh sberon,
Wnzrf
I had learnt a little fluffspeak during my time with James, and I understood the message. For a brief moment I laughed. And then I cried. And then, I did both.
I will have to leave soon.
I will see you soon too, special friend.
~The End~
