Samuel Adams Gaiden III
by Oculus
Featuring Art by Carpdime, Muffin, MarcusMaximus, Fluffus, Meh, Mr. Tiggly and InkiePie
continued from Part 7 and The Tumbly Interview
Sam Adams interviews Tumbly (Artist:Muffin)
“Mmm! Staw taste guud!”
As you see the Muffin breed fluffy ‘eat’ a cartoon star, Tumbly and the other fluffies of his breed are floating around in ‘outer space’, to demonstrate the fact that Muffin fluffies were capable of breaking the laws of physics, much like their Gowdie and Foxhoarder cousins.
“And that’s it for this month’s Fluffy Information Podcast. I’ll be taking a vacation for the next month or so, but, don’t worry folks, Sam will be back!”
It has been a while since you last heard from Samuel Adams. Not too long after this podcast, you contacted Sam regarding this trip that he had announce.
“Yes Laddie, I’ve been spending a lot time with fluffies that, I need to spend some quality time with the missus.”
“MissuSES, you mean,” you snidely remark.
“As a matter of fact, yes.”
“I find it funny that you’re going for a long vacation not too long after we’ve been to Zihuatanejo.”
“Laddie, I’m retired. When you’ve worked as hard as I did (and still do), and been in as many adventures, you too would value all the extra quality time that you can get.”
~
During the period that you had not been in contact with Sam, there have been some surprising developments.
One of the first re-releases of the Carpdime breed (Artist:Carpdime)
The first was the very sudden re-release of the Carpdime breed of fluffies. For a good while now, fluffies of the Carpdime breed were only available as mixed breeds of pedigrees developed by unofficial breeders. However, the creator of the breed had resurfaced recently. Describing himself to be an ex-Hasbio associate, he was now releasing a fresh generation of official Carpdime fluffies. One of the more interesting releases was a Carpdime fluffy bred to resemble a McGonagall.
Carpdime breed fluffy resembling a McGonagall (Artist: Carpdime)
Not too long after the Carpdime fluffies were officially re-released, an official Marcusmaximus fluffy was released. This Marcusmaximus fluffy, being a recreation of the famous Carpdime fluffy, Avocado, was heralded by many as a sudden reappearance of a breed long thought gone. This was followed up by the release of a Marcusmaximus fluffy that could impersonate Dio Brando from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure.
Dio Brando Fluffy (Artist:MarcusMaximus)
As you watch FluffTV marking the return of Carpdimes and Marcusmaximus, you remark to yourself “Where is Sam? This is some pretty big news!”
~
It is the 9th of September, a Thursday.
The day had preceded as normal. Nothing unusual had happened, other than the occasional trip to your favourite fluffy café after work. You are walking home to your residence when you notice the name of your street. The apartments are familiar. You recognize your neighbour’s car, the hydrant, the railings, the fences, everything should be the same.
But the name of the road reads “35 Nerry Road.”
That, that’s Sam’s address, you remark. But the location, and the entire place, looks like your neighbourhood.
As you enter the building, you hail your landlady. Despite your cheerful greeting, she looks at you rather quizzically.
“Who are you?”
Being exhausted after a long day of work, you ignore these rather obvious signs, and head to your apartment, when you notice that the door is open.
Feeling a little concerned, and currently unarmed, your right hand tightens into a fist as you slowly open the door to investigate your apartment.
Everything looks the same. Well, almost.
On a desk in the living room, one that you remember so well, you notice two things. The first, is a figurine of Miia, the Lamia from Monster Musume. (you’re surprised you can remember that anime). That’s definitely not yours. But the most curious thing is a fluffy foal beside the figurine.
It’s a Carpdime breed. However, there is a USB port on the back of its body.
“Chirp! Chirp!”
You notice a sort of smart screen that reads “80%. Updating software….”
“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!!”
You see a slim Japanese man, wearing a yellow shirt and beige pants, wielding a katana.
Dreading the thought of being impaled by an unknown Japanese assailant, you run for dear life. You may have heard the door slam, but you still fear that this man would come after you as you make way for the staircase, past the landlady, and out to the front door, when you trip on something.
“Oh god,” you moan, feeling a few bruises.
“Hello again.”
A smile creeping up on a wrinkled face greets you as you look up. Along with his grey hair, with a tint of blue, and the Hasbio badge on his right collar.
“You,” you snarl. It had to be the doing of ‘Hasbio Sam’, as you call him.
“I’m quite surprised actually. This time, you didn’t need a fluffy to get here.”
You didn’t hear that last sentence. Getting up on your feet, you clench your fist. It didn’t matter if this guy had the ability to bring you back home or not. You’ve been wanting to do some damage to him, after what he had put you through.
However, just before you can lay the punch on him, your find yourself in the void. Noticing that your punch missed, you look around, flabbergasted, as he stands behind you.
“If it is a fight you’re looking for, you’re only wasting your time.”
You turn around. As you can see the mysterious light shine down upon Hasbio Sam in the void, you too can feel a similar light shining down upon you. Your fists clenched, you angrily demand of Sam.
“Send me the fuck back. I don’t have time for these games.”
“I didn’t bring you here this time. You didn’t hear the SWAG today, did you?”
For a moment you pause, and you realize. So far, today had been a very normal day. Nothing was out of the blue. Even the fluffies you saw at the café today were the ‘normal’ ones – Carpdimes, Waggytails and a some EmotionalSupportFluffies.
“If you didn’t bring me here, then how-”
“I think the question you should really ask yourself is ‘what is a fluffy?’”
You scoff at the idea. You know what fluffies are.
“They’re animals. Genetically engineered animals.”
“In your reality, yes.”
“Let me guess, in your reality, they’re just products, ‘toys’ for you to recall and kill at any given time.”
“I’m afraid there’s a bit more to that.
Have you ever wondered why there’s so much attention paid to the appearance and disappearance of a creator of a specific breed in your reality? Or the idea of fluffies from a specific breed being more ‘official’ than others?”
Despite your anger, he is making a rather valid point.
“You should talk to my younger counterpart. Even he would acknowledge things that you hadn’t.”
And before you know it, you find yourself in your bed. You are still wearing your office clothes. Your briefcase is on the floor, not far from you. In your fatigue, you must have fallen asleep.
RING! RING!
The phone is ringing.
Feeling a little cautious, you pick up the phone, but remain silent.
“Laddie? Its me, Sam.
We need to talk.”
~
Saturday, the 11th of September.
You have agreed to meet Sam beside the lake of a nearby park. He is currently sitting down at a bench.
“Hee, fwen nu catch Rexxie!”
“Fwen come back! Fwuffy wiww catch fwen!”
Two of his fluffies, Prince the Carpdime and Rexxie, the Marcusmaximus, are playing a friendly game of tag. However, being the obedient fluffies they run about at a safe distance near their owner.
As you walk up to Sam, you make a small gesture with your hands, as if to salute him.
“Long time no see, Sam.”
Sam Adams smiles.
“Its not been that long, but, its always a pleasure to see you, laddie.”
“How was your trip?”
Sam raises an eyebrow. He then lowers it, as he resumes the conversation.
“The trip was alright, got some business done.”
“Why did you want to see me today?”
“Well, we haven’t talked in a while, and I do need your help on something.”
Remembering what Hasbio Sam told you a few nights ago, you pop the question to Mr Adams.
“Hey Sam.”
“Yes, Laddie?”
“Fluffies are animals, aren’t they?”
“Well, it depends.
In our reality, yes, they are animals. Genetically engineered animals, drawing from different animal DNA, along with minds of their own, and have been developed far enough to create unique breeds with different physiological and behavioural attitudes. But it is not the same in other realities.”
“Yeah, we’ve been to that post-apocalyptic world. And those Pinkyfluffies, with their ability to speak perfect Italian and function in their society feels like no other fluffy that exists.”
Sam raises his eyebrow again, and you sense a genuine surprise coming from him. He quickly looks at his watch. His eyes open briefly. He then takes in a deep breath, and then exhales, as he keeps talking.
“Yes, but see, everything you’re describing is animalistic. Biological even. There was this rather unsavoury experiment that I discovered not too long ago.”
And Sam tells you about the fluffy utopia experiment, which ended up getting the nickname of the ‘Fluffy Sink’.
Blueprint for The Fluffy Sink experiment (Artist:Fluffus)
~
Feeling a little dirty after hearing him explain the experiment, you cannot help but ask, “Why are you telling me all this?”
“This experiment mirrors the rat utopia experiment that took place in 1947. The experiment was supposed to effects of overcrowding on fluffies, and the results were rather interesting.
But see, this is still based on something fluffies innately have. A biological drive. Animalistic instinct. I’m talking about something else.”
“Like what?”
“Have you ever seen Blade Runner?”
You shake your head, confessing that you hadn’t.
“In that movie, there is this type of biological being called a replicant. Replicants are like androids, except that, as opposed to being made of mechanical parts, they’re 100% made of organic parts. They are so biological that a replicant passes off as a human.”
“So, they’re synthetic humans then?”
“Yes, but see, the movie questions the idea of whether they are actually ‘human’ or not.”
“Why wouldn’t they be? Do they behave differently from a normal human?”
“I did mention that they are like androids. So, even though they have almost all matching organs working exactly as how human organs would work, they can be ‘programmed’.”
“Programmed in what way?”
“In both the first movie and its sequel, replicants received a set of false memories. The idea was apparently to give them a sort of emotional cushion and allow for their company, the Tyrell Corporation, to control them better.”
“So, they have fake memories like Arnie’s character did in The Sixth Day. Or Total Recall, which was a better movie. Like, sure, but I still fail to see how that would make them any less ‘human’.”
“Well,” sighs Sam, “I guess the idea that they are an artificial human with a limited emotional and rational capacity may make some other ‘natural’ humans want to distinguish the replicants from them.”
“But they still sound human to me.”
Sensing your lack of familiarity with Blade Runner, he decides to change the subject to a more familiar movie.
“Alright, let us try a separate example. Have you ever seen Alien?”
“Yeah, who hasn’t? Guy gets face-raped by an alien crab, baby bursts out of his chest, adult alien slaughters the entire crew except for Ripley.”
“Ah yes, but do you remember the android Ash? Played by Ian Holm?”
You nod, while agreeing slowly.
“Yeah, what about him?”
“Okay, so you think the replicants are human. But is Bishop a ‘human’?”
“I don’t think so. I mean, he looked and acted a lot more ‘robotic’.”
“Ah, but you see, when they were making the movie, the innards of Ash was made up of pasta, glass marbles and milk.”
“Yeah, and Ian Holm got sick from the milk.”
“So that’s the thing. As the organs become more and more organic, when does it become ‘less’ of a machine, and more of a human? Conversely, lets look at cyborgs. Like Robocop. Is Robocop a human?”
“Yeah, he had a past as a human, and a human brain.”
“True, but he also died. And the idea of Robocop was that he was brought back as a cyborg. And keep in mind that almost everything about him, except his brain, is inorganic.”
“But Robocop was also about Murphy recognizing his identity as a human. Its why, when the old man asked him his name at the end of the movie, he says Murphy, affirming his identity.
In fact, why are we talking about movies in the first place?”
“The Blade Runner universe is like the serious fraternal twin of the humorous fluffy pony universe.” - Ferroter (Artist:Meh)
“It is about fluffies. There are two theories as to how fluffies were created. If we follow the Blade Runner model, they would have been ‘assembled’ together, like a sort of Frankenstein creature, but a bit more refined. Blade Runner had genetic engineers that specialized in custom body parts like eyes and ears. That is one way the first fluffies may have been made. Conversely, they could be the result of continuous gene editing, grown in a vat from an edited embryo with different genes. That is how genetic engineering is ‘supposed’ to work.”
Fluffy being developed in a vat (Artist: Mr. Tiggly aka Mr. Tiggly_Wiggly_the_Walnut)
“Both of those sound like genetically engineered animals to me.”
Sam ponders for a moment.
“Do you remember the elemental fluffies from a while back?”
“I do.”
“No animal we know is capable of breaking the laws of physics. Yet fluffies can. Or rather, certain breeds of fluffies are capable of doing so. And those elemental fluffies were no longer biological in nature. Yet they still spoke in fluffspeak.”
“What are you getting at?”
“I think it poses a lot of questions. For instance, what constitutes as ‘Life’? In the search for Alien Life, some scientists have proposed that, in our search for Life, we may be too focused on looking for Life like ours that’s carbon-based. Perhaps what scientists should be looking for silicon or ammonia-based life forms. Or perhaps we should be looking at an entirely different type of Life-form. Maybe something that’s entirely gaseous in nature.”
“But that’s all big what ifs.”
“Yes, but the elemental Inkie Pies do exist.”
Fire Elemental Fluffy (Artist:InkiePie)
The name felt familiar. And then you remember the elemental fluffies of the Inkie Pie breed.
“Was it?”
It took a full minute, before you were able to comprehend the realization.
“Wait a minute.
You’re not Sam, are you.”
“I’m the Samuel Adams you’ve always known.”
“No, not that. You’re with Hasbio, aren’t you?”
He shakes his head.
“But we did meet on April 1st.”
And then the horror of what happened to you on April Fools Day returns to your memory. The containment breech. The bloodshed on the first floor. You assault by three fluffies demanding spaghetti.
“No, that’s not what happened. There was a breech at ABAP, but we managed to contain it.”
As the realization starts to dawn on you, you ask your next question.
“Did you go to a post-apocalyptic Russia, overrun with Mutagen fluffies?”
“No.”
“And you said you went on a trip. What was the trip about?”
“Mostly business. One of my kids had purchase a hotel in Dubai and I had to settle the sale.”
It all made sense now.
“Sam, I think I had a memory swap with a parallel version of myself.”
“I know.
And that’s why I called you here.”
Before he could continue, that was one question you wanted to ask him.
“How is Joseph? The Squeakyfriend?”
“Joseph gave a lot of trouble, but we managed to capture him. However, he has caused a lot of trouble for us, at least in this reality.”
Sam looks back at his watch. The rather peaceful look on his face collapses into a furrow, as he has something urgent to tell you.
“Laddie, the effect is only temporary. In about a moment, you’ll swap back to your original point of reference. Right now, I need you to listen to me.
Both my counterpart and I are looking to acquire a lost breed of fluffies. One of the original breeds from back in the day. A M.E.H. Em ee Hech.”
“Meh? The fuck kind of name is that?”
“Its an acronym for a fluffy experiment lost to time. It may be in your dimension, but I highly suspect it isn’t. But one fluffy in your reality might be able lead you to it, wherever reality it may be in.
So, if my counterpart asks you to look after a fluffy, take the opportunity to do so.”
“But what-“
~
“Laddie? Laddie!”
Sam is looking at you rather quizzically. Feeling a bit different, you look then, and find yourself wearing a different set of clothes from what you wore to the park today.
“I wasn’t myself, was I?” you asked.
“Well, technically you were. Just, another you from another time.” Says Sam.
You feel frustrated and on the brink of tears. Your sanity is being challenged.
“It is no matter. I called you here for the same reason anyway.”
“And what’s that?”
“Prince! Come here.”
Prince, Sam’s loyal Carpdime fluffy rushes up to meet you. His white fluff glistens in the morning sun.
“Huwwo fwen! Nice tu meet fwen egen!”
“Laddie, I’ll need you to look after Prince for the next few days. Think you can handle that?”
Remembering what the other Sam said, and appreciating Prince’s cute face, you can’t help but take the offer.
“Yes. I’ll look after Prince.”
END OF GAIDEN